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AIBU?

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Original poster

No elbows on the table rule is arbitrary and not relevant in 2024

87 replies

ShortWide · 20/12/2024 12:53

I was taught not to put my elbows on the table when eating, but I have decided that as long as I don’t encroach on my fellow diners’ space, this is not a problem. Not sure what everyone else thinks though! I could definitely be persuaded to change my mind on this if the majority of people would be horrified by this lack of manners.

YABU - you should never have elbows on the table

YANBU - elbows on the table is no big deal these days

OP posts:
Behindthethymes · 20/12/2024 13:05

Our bodies aren’t designed for sitting, which causes the glutes to switch off, which in turn makes the rest of the smaller postural muscles lazy. Keeping elbows unsupported forces you to engage core and postural muscles which in turn holds space for the gut. If you slump, you put pressure on the stomach area, contributing to digestive issues.

It would be better to squat but that’s definitely not considered appropriate restaurant etiquette.

GasPanic · 20/12/2024 13:04

Takes up space. Your arms will project out as you try to use your knife and fork.
Likely to put pressure on your side of the table.
You are likely to hunch forward over your food.

It gives the impression of someone closed, hunched forward and concentrated on shovelling down their food and not engaging with the rest of the table in what is supposed to be a communal experience.

Positives. You are less likely to spill gravy on your lap as there is less gap between the table and you. The rest of the family may ignore you whilst you shovel down the food which may be a bonus.

WalterdelaMare · 20/12/2024 13:02

My family will attest that I’m a bit of a nightmare when it comes to etiquette and table manners, but elbows on the table is not something I’d even notice.

Wordsmithery · 20/12/2024 13:01

In the grand scheme of table manners, elbows are least concerning. Phones at table, eating noisily or with your mouth open, pointing at people with your knife when holding forth... All egregious. Elbows, fine.

minipie · 20/12/2024 13:00

YANBU

Most table manners have a clear purpose but this one I will let go.

TheSecondMrsCampbellBlack · 20/12/2024 12:59

I think it originally was also because if you were being served by servants they wouldn't be able to reach and put a plate down if you had your elbows on the table. In restaurants it makes it harder for wait staff to reach your plate.

I think it's largely irrelevant now but I still don't do it, having been told not to as a child.

Original poster
ShortWide · 20/12/2024 12:58

Glad I’m not alone in this. I’ve just had the odd moment in a restaurant where I’ve realised I’m the only person doing it and felt suddenly self conscious.

OP posts:
Christmasgiraffe · 20/12/2024 12:57

Never understood it either. I always have my elbows on the table.

user98786 · 20/12/2024 12:57

yes and no. I do it, but I’m also aware that it probably doesn’t look good to some. I do it cos I’m having a hard enough time following the conversation!

Comedycook · 20/12/2024 12:56

No one cares anymore about that do they.

I suppose a more modern equivalent is no phones at the table

TenderChicken · 20/12/2024 12:56

I've never understand why it was a rule, so I've never followed it!

AuntieMillicent · 20/12/2024 12:55

It comes from a time when working class tables were unstable and likely to fall if a lot of weight was put on them.

Not usually an issue now so YANBU. I think It's a bloody stupid rule-what difference does it make really? Same as knife and fork in middle of plate once finished too.