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Original poster

No elbows on the table rule is arbitrary and not relevant in 2024

87 replies

ShortWide · 20/12/2024 12:53

I was taught not to put my elbows on the table when eating, but I have decided that as long as I don’t encroach on my fellow diners’ space, this is not a problem. Not sure what everyone else thinks though! I could definitely be persuaded to change my mind on this if the majority of people would be horrified by this lack of manners.

YABU - you should never have elbows on the table

YANBU - elbows on the table is no big deal these days

OP posts:
CyranoDeBergerQuack · 20/12/2024 22:58

Marblesbackagain · 20/12/2024 22:57

Gosh maybe write better to clearly display sarcasm 🤦‍♀️🤷‍♀️

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Write better? I think you meant write more clearly.

Marblesbackagain · 20/12/2024 22:57

CyranoDeBergerQuack · 20/12/2024 22:55

Gosh, sarcasm goes completely over your head doesn't it?

Edited
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Gosh maybe write better to clearly display sarcasm 🤦‍♀️🤷‍♀️

CyranoDeBergerQuack · 20/12/2024 22:55

Marblesbackagain · 20/12/2024 22:52

Hilarious, etiquette advisor? I would suggest you consider the more recent role of intercultural advisor. Very few jobs are in cultural sylos.

It is much more important today to not be in a mindset that doesn't meet EDI nor cultural inclusion.

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Gosh, sarcasm goes completely over your head doesn't it?

Marblesbackagain · 20/12/2024 22:52

CyranoDeBergerQuack · 20/12/2024 22:43

Please don't apply for a job as an etiquette advisor.

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Hilarious, etiquette advisor? I would suggest you consider the more recent role of intercultural advisor. Very few jobs are in cultural sylos.

It is much more important today to not be in a mindset that doesn't meet EDI nor cultural inclusion.

Snugglemonkey · 20/12/2024 22:49

Lourdes12 · 20/12/2024 13:14

It’s uncomfortable to not put your elbows on the table

It really is not if you have been taught properly from the outset.

CyranoDeBergerQuack · 20/12/2024 22:46

Lourdes12 · 20/12/2024 13:14

It’s uncomfortable to not put your elbows on the table

It's lazy to put them on the table.

CyranoDeBergerQuack · 20/12/2024 22:43

ShortWide · 20/12/2024 12:53

I was taught not to put my elbows on the table when eating, but I have decided that as long as I don’t encroach on my fellow diners’ space, this is not a problem. Not sure what everyone else thinks though! I could definitely be persuaded to change my mind on this if the majority of people would be horrified by this lack of manners.

YABU - you should never have elbows on the table

YANBU - elbows on the table is no big deal these days

Please don't apply for a job as an etiquette advisor.

Marblesbackagain · 20/12/2024 22:38

Resilienceisimportant · 20/12/2024 15:05

Elbows on the table is rude sorry. Says to me you don’t have manners. May not be right or popular but that’s just me.

It is literally a rule someone made up for a purpose that no longer is relevant.

We hopefully have evolved as a society to not be as judgemental and understanding to others cultural and personal preferences for comfort.

Marblesbackagain · 20/12/2024 22:35

MissyB1 · 20/12/2024 16:49

I don't understand how it's more comfortable to put elbows on the table? I've just sat at the table with knife and fork to test this out, it felt really weird with my elbows on.

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I would suggest you try it a bit more if you have sat one way for years or will take a while to get the benefits of the more relaxed pose. It's just natural way to sit, the no elbow is a learnt behaviour.

AmICrazyToEvenBother · 20/12/2024 17:07

Fine at home but I wouldn't in a restaurant.

Simonjt · 20/12/2024 17:05

We don’t eat at a table, so nothing to put elbows on, problem solved!

Boomer55 · 20/12/2024 16:51

Good manners, including table manners, costs nothing. 🤷‍♀️

MissyB1 · 20/12/2024 16:49

Marblesbackagain · 20/12/2024 16:02

So you prioritise what is seen as the done thing to comfort? Why?

I find it fascinating that people would manage others behaviour and comfort. That would be considered unreasonable and rude in my family and friends groups.

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I don't understand how it's more comfortable to put elbows on the table? I've just sat at the table with knife and fork to test this out, it felt really weird with my elbows on.

ThisIsSockward · 20/12/2024 16:11

As long as it's not (physically) disturbing your neighbours at the table, who cares? If there's enough room that you're not jostling someone sitting beside you, it's just a silly, pointless rule. I still probably wouldn't do it in a particularly formal setting, but at home or when dining casually with friends, I can't see that it matters.

Marblesbackagain · 20/12/2024 16:02

MissyB1 · 20/12/2024 13:31

Same here!

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So you prioritise what is seen as the done thing to comfort? Why?

I find it fascinating that people would manage others behaviour and comfort. That would be considered unreasonable and rude in my family and friends groups.

DPotter · 20/12/2024 15:47

Table manners differ from country to country too.

I France I understand, you are expected to have elbows and hands on the table so your fellow diners can see you're not holding a weapon !

I wouldn't worry about it, but for God's sake don't pass the port the wrong way round the table! (I have no idea which is the right way!)

ErrolTheDragon · 20/12/2024 15:26

I think it does depend how tall you are and how long your arms are.

DownThePubWithStevieNicks · 20/12/2024 15:24

I’ve been to lots of very nice restaurants, been at formal dinners for work, and regularly have and go to dinner parties (though I think calling them dinner parties is also naff and outdated!). I regularly have my elbows on the table and couldn’t give a hoot.

Admittedly I’ve never been to dinner with aristocracy, but I’ve NEVER seen anyone care one bit about elbows, or the right knife, or any other stereotypical ‘good table manners’ nonsense. I will judge if you hog the food or don’t top up others’ wine before seeing to yourself though!

ProvincialLady24 · 20/12/2024 15:18

Never while eating, but ok afterwards.

Resilienceisimportant · 20/12/2024 15:05

Elbows on the table is rude sorry. Says to me you don’t have manners. May not be right or popular but that’s just me.

Nevergiveuponagoodthing · 20/12/2024 14:54

slightlydistrac · 20/12/2024 14:45

Putting your elbows on the table isn't an issue in itself. The issue is that when you lean forwards slightly to put your elbows on the table, you prevent the people either side of you from seeing each other and joining in the conversation. Particularly annoying if they then turn away from you to talk to the people you can't see.

Happened to me the other day at a works Christmas do.

This!

My nearly adult daughter does this and it drives me nuts, I find it rude and inconsiderate. We have lots of battles and bigger hills I could die on but still….

slightlydistrac · 20/12/2024 14:45

Putting your elbows on the table isn't an issue in itself. The issue is that when you lean forwards slightly to put your elbows on the table, you prevent the people either side of you from seeing each other and joining in the conversation. Particularly annoying if they then turn away from you to talk to the people you can't see.

Happened to me the other day at a works Christmas do.

Parratha · 20/12/2024 14:35

I've seen slobs with elbows on the table while they are physically eating. That is a definite no.

winterlike · 20/12/2024 14:33

One day dc started telling us (the parents) we are not supposed to put elbows on the table. Learned at school no doubt. We looked at each other thinking what harm does it do to anyone...
But then we've realised if our dc does put his elbows on the table his sleeves end up messy as somehow food manages to escape the boundaries of the plate and he wipes it with his elbows without noticing.
So we are all follow the rule at the moment to prevent that happening.

manysausages · 20/12/2024 14:29

If you’re on a long table and part way down, someone has their elbows on the table, they cut off one end of the table from the other. It’s incredibly rude. I always thought that was the reason.

So if you don’t have people either side of you, I’d assume the rule doesn’t apply.