To think she could have made an effort for 5 minutes?

Do you use stuff like this as an excuse to drop in on people for a couple of hours? That’s how I’d read it.

Then don't agree for them to visit near Christmas.

She doesn't sound like a friend to me.

No I think YABU. Nothing annoys me more that having to ‘people’ on a day when I don’t want to see anyone. I am at my limit by this time of year, so much so that I wrap, buy and drop off all presents to friends and family before 10th december. I can’t cope with the socialising and rushing around after the 18th, between work and kids stuff I’m just burnt out. I would rather not receive the gifts!!

if you’re friend was having a chill day and relaxing with her kids, and was clearly setting a boundary, then you weren’t being mindful of her needs IMO. Not everyone copes well, or likes, this time of year for different reasons. I am definitely the friend in this situation!!

This. I'm sorry that happened.

I do the same as you as it gets overwhelming leaving it to the last minute. However I would maybe not make so much effort next time.

Just put in less effort for them next year. Not very utopian but you shouldn't carry on at that level if you're getting very little back.

You sound very generous and she's a shit "friend."

That said, I would take this as a hint that they are indifferent to your gifts, and stop the exchange. A card with a cheerful message is plenty going forward.

Yabu she'd let you know it wasn't convenient, and you'd agreed you'd just drop it off as you were passing anyway. They were in the middle of something else when it was convenient for you to be there. I'm sure if it had been just her she would have welcomed you in but my family would be mightily pissed off to have to pause a film for a random friend-of-mum's to have even a relatively brief doorstep catchup.

And most friends would be able to share the reasons.
OP said she can see through the window as she walks down the path.

YANBU, OP I think she is very rude.

You don't make an arrangement like that then flake out on the day unless there is a real emergency. Especially when someone has made an effort to buy gifts.

Maybe she had a personal reason for not wanting to see someone in person. BTW how do you know they were all sat on the sofa wathing TV - did you look thru the window?

Your friend was very rude not to even come to the door!

Don’t wait and see what happens next year. Just send a text in a few weeks and say something along the lines of “scaling back on fuss and expense this year, can we skip doing birthday and Christmas gifts?” Send it to all your friends: I bet you and they will be relieved xx

You know her better than us. Does she have form for last minute cancelling plans, rude behaviour, etc? Or is she usually a decent friend?

For whatever reason she didn't want to see you that day. There could be a deeper reason, or maybe she simply forgot or couldn't be bothered. She offered a new date, but it wasn't suitable for you, fair enough. But you were the one who offered to drop off the presents, she didn't ask you too. Did you ring the bell? Did you actually see your friend through the window, or just her kids? She could have been in a different room and maybe she didn't even know you'd been.

She basically told you not to come that day, (which is maybe rude at short notice, but you accepted her reason) so while you were fine to say no to the weekend, you also didn't need to go today when you wouldn't see her.

could have just waited til she saw you next under the circumstances. It's you who made it odd by going so far wiithout speaking to them when they were just inside.

But you offered to leave them on her doorstep so maybe she thought you didn’t want to come in?

I kind of see her point. I hate it when receiving a gift becomes an obligation on my part - even if that obligation is just getting me and the house in order to host someone. I respect your effort in getting them to her on time, but gifts shouldn’t be used as leverage for spending time with someone.

Next year, check in advance re gift giving, and then just post or courier the gifts. If you’re not feeling valued, don’t give next year.

I think she hadn't bought gifts maybe she had intended to. Then didn't know what to do so when you messaged it gave her a way out. If you hadn't messaged she probably would have opened the door or maybe gone out.
Can't say I would have behaved this way and I don't understand it either. Quick amazon order or say no due to COL but her sitting there and ignoring you wasn't OK.

Standard MN. Loads of posts absolutely astounded that someone would make an effort or go out of their way for anyone else. It will be the same people making posts saying they have no friends. She has 100% been a cheeky cow! Even if she’s having a rough time or whatever her reason she could have popped to the door to say hi.

That's quite intense to still drive over when she said no

The OP said that she was already going to be in the area visiting other people so I don't blame her for trying to combine several tasks.

I do wonder what would have happened had the OP not messaged on the morning confirming the arrangement, had the friend completely forgotten about it?

In the friend's place if I definitely didn't want to speak to the OP (for any reason) I would at least have made sure I couldn't be plainly seen through the window.

God, the people excusing your friend on mental health grounds. If you were depressed, you'd just say so on the phone or by text, and tell them you'd prefer if they didn't come. Not let someone come over and not even bother to open the door. Your friend is rude and entitled, not hiding some MH episode.

And yes, I've had massive MH crises myself.