DO NOT give your kid a smartphone this Christmas

Literally everything in this list can be avoided (and has been avoided by all my kids) by actually having open conversations with your kids and having clear limits that the kids know and understand. The fact OP and others don't trust their kids to have intelligent conversations and make good decisions is really sad. No, teens don't always make good choices, but why don't you give them any credit whatsoever?

Phones can be really really useful and social media can be really fun. You just have to know the rules and be careful. Your kids won't manage that with an outright ban until they're old enough to circumvent you.

Completely agree

I packed (most) SM in, like instagram, Facebook etc, about 2 years ago and the peace of mind is top tier

plus the amount of posts that are bloody ads!

Just a few stats from the office of statistics for those who insist there's no issue with kids having phones:

Around one in five children aged 10 to 15 years in England and Wales (19%) experienced at least one type of online bullying behaviour in the year ending March 2020, equivalent to 764,000 children.

Just over a third (35.0%) of children accepted a friend request online from someone they did not know and 8.5% had shared their location publicly, in the last year.

An estimated 19.2% of children spoke to or exchanged messages with someone online in the last year who they had never met in person before and 4.4% met up in person with someone they had only spoken to online, with boys more likely than girls (5.7% compared with 3.1%).

Almost 1 in 10 (9.5%) children aged 13 to 15 years received a sexual message in the last year (no significant difference compared with the year ending March 2020), with just over three-quarters of these (76.7%) receiving them more than once.

Just over three-quarters (76.7%) of children aged 13 to 15 years who received sexual messages received them more than once in the last year, with 12.7% of children receiving them more than 20 times.

The majority of children received sexual messages through photos or images (66.6%; Figure 3) with most receiving the messages through social media (78.9%) followed by an instant message (32.1%).

Thinking that phones are probably bad for kids, and thinking that older kids do need them, are not mutually exclusive perspectives. It’s possible to hold both views.

My kids had them at secondary and are now at university. The had social media at 14/15 I think. They now comment on how addictive phones are, and how it affects their focus. My daughter thinks social media makes her anxious but she still wants to be on it.

I am glad they didn’t have tablets and phones before secondary I have to say.

On balance I think the pros of smartphones are outweighed by the cons. For all of us, esp children. But I think that ship has sailed, and society, and how we function and communicate, is changing for good. It is unrealistic to stop teens from having smartphones, whatever the advantages are.

I see so much defensiveness from parents who've already given kids smartphones (times have changed etc. they're essenital etc) and I feel for them.

Very thankful my younger kids weren't part of this guinnea pig generation and won't be getting a smartphone before 16, like all the evidence suggests is safest.

I thought the same.
I'm not judging but it is quite funny.

Social media is shit...a scourge on our peace of mind. It started off as a fun way to connect with people and share your vibe but being the way we are we can't play nicely. It has become a pit of manipulation and anxiety.

It's not the smartphone that's the issue, it's the (mostly social media) apps
Having access to bus and train timetables, a way to communicate if an issue arises, something to read while waiting for public transport are all good reasons to have a smartphone
But fb, ig, tiktok, etc. serve no useful function and shouldn't be on an under 18's phone

It’s not smartphones, it’s the access to social media, porn as well as the incessant notifications are the real issue.

My soon to be 13yo has a smartphone with access that is controlled by us, he has no social media except WhatsApp and that is locked down between 8.30-7am. All other games and apps have time restrictions on them. It means we are able to contact each other and he can use all the other useful apps like maps, tickets, banking etc.

He is hardly ever on his phone as there’s no reason to be.

What a ridiculous thing to say. I gave my 11 year old daughter a smartphone, she's 16 now. She needed it for communication and certain apps. She's never been addicted to her phone and it has never harmed her in any way. She is the least cool 16 year old I've ever known and I say no a LOT. I didn't even put parental controls on it because I sat her down and talked about the dangers of accepting friend requests etc. She also knows I can look at her phone at any time I want to, which I have done at random times and she has never had any problems.

Do I make you sick that I actually parent my child and don't blame other people and inanimate objects for bad or addictive behaviour?

All i could get from this is that screens aren't addictive because you don't need to go into rehab for screen addiction like you do for heroin. Obviously that is just batshit. I mean caffeine is addictive but no one's going into rehab over it - or sugar or nicotine for that matter.

After that nonsense I wouldn't be able to take anything he says seriously.

Smartphones were only just coming in when I was a teen but from when I was about 15 I had an iPad. My parents set up my Apple account and kept the password so I couldn’t download any apps without their permission and we had a filter on the WiFi. I knew I wasn’t allowed social media/to look at certain things, so … I didn’t. Was only allowed to use my iPad/laptop at the dining table and not in my room.

there are plenty of ways to limit what your child accesses on the internet. It is something so prevalent in our normal lives now they need to be navigate it healthily and not just kept away from it to be left vulnerable later on

I am cringeing a bit at all the ‘clever’ people pointing out the irony of the OP posting this on a smartphone. Whilst I am not agreeing completely with the OP, she is posting about children being on smartphones and the possible risks. Not adults. Unless the OP is a 12y old child, her post is not really ironic.

I'm with you OP but the vast majority of people can't stand to hear it. Probably because they are equally obsessed with their own phone. (I don't own one and am on a laptop before anyone asks).

It's makes me laugh when they say 'Just teach them how to use it sensibly' duh do they not remember what it was like to be a kid/teenager? Did they really take advice from their parents and follow it to the letter? I can't imagine for one minute that they did but I guess it's what they say to make themselves feel better.

DS is a software engineer, he has never needed to know how to use a smartphone 'effectively' whatever that means. I think this is just another lie parents convince themselves of.

@Firey40 I work in a school and the main issue with smart phones is parents that give their children unlimited access.

Nothing wrong with kids having smart phones if they're supervised and boundaries are in place.

DS1 (age 14) has a smart phone. No social media except WhatsApp, and if he breaks any of my rules he will lose the privilege of a phone.

What makes me laugh is parents saying they give their child a smart phone as they're walking to school on their own. It's been proven that this actually makes their journey far more unsafe; the number of kids being hit by cars or near misses has increased hugely. If it was about safety you'd buy them a basic phone that does phone calls and messages, not a smart one.

I was thinking the same lol

The irony of preaching about smartphones and SM via a link to instagram 🤣

👏🏻👏🏻

think it’s pretty obvious that the OP wasn’t referring to this situation

Yes, I agree with this. But also no phones needed for primary kids. Why on earth have 6 year olds got them?

Our school has now banned them apart from 6th form - so no more asking pupils to use them in class, which is why we got DS2 one before he was 12. He was the only kid in the class who had to use the school laptop.

I don't know why anyone would by a child a phone anyway.

Smartphones for children is fine, it’s the silly parents who spend XXX on a smart phone and don’t parent control the phone and educate their children on the evils of the dark web!

Qustodio parental control app is current one we use for our teen children.

I voted YABU. Smartphones are here to stay and kids need to be thought how to use them effectively and parents need to learn how to restrict access and teach kids good habits around usage. I wouldn't give a smartphone to a 6 yr old but if you have a mature 12 yr old that's a different story.

You can very easily get him a brick phone and an air tracker.. but you don’t want to, you want to give him the most addictive and harmful thing you can legally give an 11 year old. Probably because you want him to be cool and/ or you can’t say no to him. I doubt very much you’ll bother trying to put any parental controls in place either. Makes me sick tbh.

The evidence is overwhelming.

It really isn't. The scientific evidence for harm from teenage smartphone use is that any overall harm is either tiny or non-existent (one solid UK study found that is had the same negative effect as wearing glasses or eating potatoes).

Sadly, however, moral panics sell newspapers — or, in a rather ironic recent development, get people (presumably adults, ha ha) clicking and tapping on the sites, apps, and Facebook pages of media outlets.

Here is some sense from a British researcher on the topic, interviewed by the British Psychological Society: https://www.bps.org.uk/psychologist/its-down-you-be-more-reflective-around-screen-use

The evidence is significant and I peer reviewed journals.