DO NOT give your kid a smartphone this Christmas

Not sure about you but I spent hours on the home phone as a teen. Clogged it up for everyone else and racked up huge bills.
Also we are not in 1993 anymore. Pretty much everyone under the age of 80 communicates differently now.
Im not condoning phone necessarily, and yes they come with big problems, but you can’t hark back to the good old days. The world has changed.

DENIAL! My kids are fine so it isn’t a problem. Let me stick my head in the sand. Fantastic stupidity.

You wouldn’t know if a child in your kids school had any issues with social media or online grooming. Just because you don’t know doesn’t mean it isn’t rife.

They don’t need to text their friends constantly. They need a break from each other to spend time with their families.

Did children not manage to grow up before they had phone and constant contact?

Also my two 13 year olds do exist in my parental bubble. Why wouldn’t they? I know what they are up to every moment, know what’s on their phones and trust them to tell me if they see something inappropriate. They tend to stay away from the sort of kids who have unfiltered access to porn and try to share that around.

Ok, but firstly two things.
It’s not ideal. But there is absotlely no way in the remote near future this is going away. No way to stop other childrens access to the internet. Even if smart phones were banned for under 16’s how do you think that would actually work? It never ever would. Not unless smart phones were banned for everyone and not sold here, North Korea style. Kids can use adult phones and frankly anyone who doesn’t have restrictions on their kids phones and allows them to access and share porn isn’t going to be bothered about the law anyway.

1. Bring your child up right to know when something is inappropriate. They may get sent something but if you can’t trust them to delete it, tell the friend to stop, tell an adult or block the friend then maybe it’s best they don’t have WhatsApp or the ability to receive photo text messages.
2. Monitor your own child - who are they with, how do they get to school and back and who with? What’s the schools policy on phone use and how do they enforce it. No phones should be even remotely got out of bags in school- my DD’s school uses yonder pouches with very strict monitoring on putting them in- not many kids even in y11 can get round it.
3. Block your child’s access to anything harmful to limit their own viewing and no internet until 16 unless supervised.
4. personally snap chat is a no from me until 16.
5. Any friends they go out with without me I know. I have them round, speak to the parents (yes even in secondary school) and make a risk assessment from that.
6. They go to school on a bus so I guess stuff could be shared then but there are many many other school kids on the bus and they all seem to know what know what others are doing. It would be obvious if that’s what was happening with the younger teens - older teens I’m not sure as mine are younger.

Haven't read the entire thread yet but my older 3 children got smart phones when they were 11. They had restrictions on them and no social media till they were 13 apart from Whatsapp. We monitored and checked their phones until they were in Year 8.

Honestly, I understand where this debate comes from but where I live, it'd be quite uncommon for a child to not have a smart phone and I think we have had benefits from our children having them too. My twin 15 year olds and 13 year old son are not completely addicted to them whatsoever even though we don't have screen time limits although we do sometimes check their socials still and they don't really mind very much. My 13 year old only just got social media and he's not even very interested in it.

My 9 year old is getting her first smart phone for her 10th birthday in August just before she goes into Year 6. My children are fine and I'm not saying they live in some bubble but it is your parenting skills more than not allowing a child a phone. I'm genuinely confused as to how banning a child who is 16 a phone is going to help them when they go off to uni etc. Honestly, ban whatever social media you want but let them text their friends and grow up.

That's what it is in practice for many.

But we’re also talking about OTHER CHILDREN’S PHONES that don’t have those restrictions on. Your child doesn’t operate only in your little parental bubble. Jeez. What don’t you get?? You control YOUR CHILD’s phone but you don’t control all the other phones your child may see. And gauging by this thread, there are definitely parents that are a lot more slack about parental controls.

This. Why do people assume their smartphone= unrestricted access to apps and the internet?
The phone can be as smart or as dumb as you want it!

Also, what did you mean then that kids can access porn without social media? Of course they can use the internet but my point was that can be locked down?

unless you currently have teens, with the greater respect you literally have no clue.
Its like someone before they get pregnant tell you exactly how to look after a baby and what they would and wouldn’t do. You literally have 0 clue. It’s not black and white.
If the tide turns then great. But that won’t give you the same experience as a parent as I’m currently having.
Even if the tide doesn’t turn, in 10 years the tech landscape will look different to today. It may well be worse than today with even more harmful content and less endurable / working restrictions. 10 years ago snap chat, what’s app and tik tok weren’t even a thing. Many young teens and tween didn’t have smart phones at all.
It will be different again in 10 years, however I don’t think it’s going to get any better somehow.

Dodgy stuff can be sent via what’s app it’s true. But it could also be sent via normal text. This is where you need to step up as a parent and make some difficult decisions.
Currently (and until / if legislation is changed) kids are using what’s app to communicate. You have to balance risk V reward with your kid seeing something dodgy versus communicating with friends and being part of their social group when out of school.
This balance will include age of child, your child’s friends, the school they go to, the area you live in and other kids they are likely to meet, if the child doesn’t live with you full time, how responsible the other parent is at monitoring phone, how much you trust your child to tell you if they see something they know is wrong, how you have brought them up for the last 11 years (for example) to be respectful and trustworthy.
Yes of course kids are always going to push it, but if I felt any of my 3 children were that untrustworthy that they would be seeking out porn and getting round phone controls to that extent then the phone would be taken away.
If you know what you are doing with restrictions and you make sure you keep on top of checking phone regularly then they wouldn’t be got around.
Any kid who is buying or sealing phones to have a secret phone for example has far bigger problems than seeing porn on the internet.
Smugly and snidely saying well your kids seen porn so ha is extremely unhelpful.
Parents of teens and tweens now have an incredibly difficult job. It’s not as simple as ‘just don’t give them what’s app’ because that in itself can have very negative consequences.

My 5 year old goes on mine and his dads (supervised) and also does ABC mouse on his iPad. I’ve told him since he could understand he won’t be getting a phone until he’s 13!! He’s quite happy with that. I’ve bought him a Vtech smart watch for Xmas which has tracking capability. There is this little mini phone on Amazon/SM that says it’s designed for kids. Looks just like a tiny mini iPhone. But it’s not a phone!!! The amount of family members who’ve said “shall we get him this?” And I’m like “NO!”. It’s more or less a smart phone and we are on that slippery slope. My other 4 had iPhones from about 9 and I won’t be making that mistake again!!!

Yup. Absolutely defensive as fuck.

Yes. I’d be really interested to see if there are any professionals on here who work day in day out with teenagers who can say hand on heart that mobile phones (or whatever other device) haven’t impacted children’s lives negatively.

I’m sick of parents saying “oh but not my child, s/he only uses it to learn the ukele and discover more about quantum physics” - yes, your child. If not proactively then by default through someone else showing them something they should never have to see.

The whole point of this thread is that it has to be a collective thing. Some parents are great at policing their child’s phone use but many are not. And it doesn’t matter a jot if you’ve put every control in possible, friends’ parents won’t have. So they will still be exposed to shit.

The workload of teachers is through the roof. Part of that is dealing with behaviour instances solely caused by mobile phones.

So depressing that it seems such a large proportion of parents on here still don’t get it.

The level of denial of this thread is outrageous. ‘My DC was fine so phones are okay’. I think schools should start openly publishing anonymised versions of the incidents that occur because of phones and social media. Each school has hundreds every week. Thousands nationwide every day.

It is like alcohol and smoking and all the other addictive, damaging things children are already not allowed to do. Except this time parents aren’t keen for change because it will mean they’ll have to actually interact with their children and get off their own bloody devices! It’s child neglect and I think parents should be prosecuted for neglect if their child has been found to be accessing hard porn or the dark web.

Mine didn't get phones until this year when they turned 16. They didn't moan or rail against it. They fu too ed perfectly well too.
Apparently this is impossible, so impossible that I am lying about it according to MN the last time I commented on a phone thread .

Or maybe I just say "No" and mean it.

It isn't a separate issue because if you took the phone away, they'd replace it with something that plays music and be equally distracted, as they were before smart phones.

I agree

Yeah and I'll deal with that when she's 14

I mentioned it on another thread last year, but DS has an Ipad issued by his school and in class kids were Airdropping images that were disturbing that you can't unsee.

That's nothing to do with parents, that's during a school day whilst kids are being educated! That's nothing to do with smartphones but still a concern for parents.

DS is 17 and uses his phone a fair bit but passed all his Highers in S5. He was aware that during study leave he had to put his phone in a different room, and get on with revision.

I agree with an above poster who said you can't constantly police everything they do, you need to give guidance and for me the most important thing is to check in regularly with mental health and how your teenager is doing.

DS 9 is asking for a phone, however we have said only at home to listen to music. No SM or anything else like that, there's no SIM card in it. Only music and some basic games it is used for. I don't allow Roblox, but they do get to use a Switch console to play video games.

My eldest got a phone when he was 11/12yo for the start of high school. He's had almost six years of using a smart phone and I don't think it has adversely affected him. He has passed exams, learns to drive, he got himself a part time job over the summer which he enjoys etc.

We have taken this approach. I hope the tide is turning but it hasn't in time for my DC so we have allowed the smartphone but its heavily restricted for now and doesn't get taken to school / activities.

I do get annoyed by all the talk of smartphones being the problem - its what access it gives them surely and I know many who are against smartphones but the kids have free access to a tablet. It's social media surely, not the phone itself

Both my DC (now 15 & 13) have had smart phones since 11. Both are doing very well at school and focused on their sports hobbies.

Over the years there have been issues with school WhatsApp group chats, online bullying, inappropriate content shared, staying up too late on their phones. DH and I have had to actively parent that, but DC are now pretty responsible with their phones and general online activity. Neither are that bothered with their year group chat - DS Y11 chat is reserved for homework issues and worrying about GCSE’s. DD Y8 chat can get out of hand still - generally the kids who’ve only just got their hands on a phone and think it’s hilarious to post hundreds of poo emojis followed up by some random, out of context swearing. DD thinks they’re a bit immature.

She’s had a bit of online meanness but every time that’s happened, she’s come to me and asked for help and advice on how to manage it. She frequently steps in if she sees unpleasant comments online directed towards others. DS tells me by Y11, it would be really frowned upon to be a dick online. DH and I (as well as school) have had to invest a lot of time in teaching DC how to behave responsibly with phones, but from what I can see, it was time well invested.

At 10, I'd disagree. My child was not allowed to do that at 10 years old.

We r all different and we all parent differently. My children are absolutely fine using phones and other tech. For my particular children, there are lots of benefits and hardly any drawbacks. It's my choice to allow my children access to tech. It's your choice not to allow access for your children. Why can't we just respect each others choices and accept we all parent differently and that's ok?