DO NOT give your kid a smartphone this Christmas

Or parent your children and help them learn to manage a phone, navigate group chats and online communication, offer them other ways to socialise, learn how to regulate their use - like any gadget, TV, iPad, gaming so that it is enjoyable but doesn't take over.

Virtually every child in the uk will have a smart phone, a lot of schools insist on iPads. It is inevitable and children are more than capable of learning how to use technology sensibly.

The real issue is learnt behaviour, growing up with parents addicted to their phones and social media. Ironically watching about how to reduce their children's screen time.

Works for us.
DH and I have one on each others phones as well.
Nothing to hide and very handy... want to know if he's on his way to station or still in meetings to time meal... just check the tracker, no need to disturb.

How is that weird? I have a tracker on my daughter's phone so I can see where she is after school. Last year she and a friend were chased by a dodgy bloke. Luckily than ran to the nearest shop, who kept them safe while waiting to be collected. But having a method of contact allows them to phone if they need help, and for us to see where they are if they done make contact/get home when they should.
It's a scary world and not everyone can pick up and drop off their kids every day.

“Hi Mum I have arrived at my destination.” Tracking your child is strange behaviour.

Laugh it up. It’s still damaging children regardless.

So what is my child - who has a 90 minute commute each way and 3 different extra curricular classes a week in different bits of London - supposed to do when all the various timetables are on her phone?

Bus apps, tfl journey planner, trainline, tickets, bank app...

Plus she uses WhatsApp to communicate with the different teachers.

Tracking app means I can check that she's got to Teacher A's house okay without having to ring round.

Absolutely bizarre approach - your child isn’t your property. You can give them a dumb phone to keep in touch.

Barleysugar86

Why just focus on smartphones... there are many types of electronics. Are your family tech free?

The fact they’re light enough that they can hold them closer to their face is something that always gets to me. Smartphones and the Xbox are the ruin of our family, I can trace all the battles back to them moments we got each. To anyone who manages screens well and doesn’t have addicted children I’m so jealous, every day is a battle here

I mean it’s all over the news, I know people think they are really clever pointing out op’s link but she’s not wrong.

The amount of people in denial on here is terrifying

Oh Instagram, the place everyone goes to for genuine, scientific, evidence-based info....

I second this. My eldest are 15 and 13 and it’s too late for me but I agree with the OP. So many parents don’t like to be told that their decisions might not have been right. I’m happy to acknowledge I may have fucked up.

An air tag and a non smart phone do the same thing without
the damage

Oh the irony of posting this with the evidence as a link to instagram. Anyhoo, what about just parenting your children so they can have a smartphone but with no social media, no access to the internet and text messages are monitored regularly? That’s what our 13 year old has and what our 11 year old will have when he gets a phone. They need it for their homework admin, and to keep in touch with friends albeit he uses it more as an old school phone, but I do let him play Pokémon go on it (1/2 an hour limit per day although he doesn’t always use that) and he listens to stories on audible too on long car journeys.

We go a step further than no phones in bedrooms and our rule is no phones upstairs and ask before you use them at home.

So for me it’s not about the smartphone, it’s about the parenting.

I think rather than banning/not allowing young people to have phones, we should be educating them in using them/social media
The fact we are probably all on our smart phones reading mumsnet shows phones are a huge part of life.
If banned or not bought then they become like anything that's banned..
Children need to be aware of what they can use the phone for etc.
Schools ask children from y7 onwards to use certain apps in certain lessons.

Two of my children are at secondary school and do have phones but we limit the amount of time they can use them through family link. They also do not have any social media other than Whatssap. It’s really hard as a lot of homework is now set to be completed on the app (which is an absolute faff on a laptop and have no idea why it has been done this way!) and I like that they can contact us if needed/ and we can look at location if they are late home and out of contact. There has been a recent programme on the harm of smart phones on children who are becoming addicted to social media at such a young age. My youngest is 8 (and does not have a phone) and I really hope things have changed by the time he moves to secondary school. We really try to limit phone use and I think it helps that neither of us are happy to stay indoors for long periods of time so spend a lot of time at the weekend outside as a family without phones. It’s going to get more and more difficult for parents and children if something doesn’t change.

Apple tag if you really must track them, and a non smart phone for if they need to call you. Nokia 8210 or similar.

No need for a smartphone!

My son is getting one. He wont have social media and the cobtaxts will be his immediate family.

Who has landline these days in homes. He needs to learn to use a phone responsibly, and we feel its better he has a cheap smartphone that wont be used outside home with no social media and guidance from us rather than wait to him being a teen and copying from his peers later. Parentshield is a brilliant way to see what is happening however his contacts will be us, his grandparents and family in Australia/Spain.

Phone, no problem. The problem is with the apps and internet which he wont have access to.

I absolutely agree. Unfortunately my dd has been told they need one at boarding school, although its use is heavily restricted to certain times, and they aren't allowed in their bedrooms at night etc. I plan to parental control down to being a dumb phone that has a few games on it until she's much older. Absolutely no social media.

As a GP I used to see children with anxiety and behaviour problems once in a blue moon.
Now I see someone every single surgery.
All I can do is refer them to the already overwhelmed CYPS .
I'm 100% certain it's smartphones to blame.

Bloody awful things...here's me on mine!
Wish the damn things had never invented!

I didn’t get past this utterly naive comment. What a load of tosh. The whole point is they’re addictive!

@SpinningTops No whether they are “always on them” is down to parenting. My teen has one and he’s averaged 19 minutes a day on his this week. It’s perfectly possible for a child to have a phone and have controlled use. My son’s phone shuts down at 7pm so it can’t affect his sleep. I say which apps he can and can’t have and I can set time limits for each one. There is a middle ground.

But, if it hasn’t been said already, we are adults…our kids’ brains are still forming

@WhiteLily1 But the parents can make it better. Why you've decided you've got no control over this thing?! You are the grown up not your children's friends. May be if you are clear and firm so will be their parents?

There were a few posters saying people's minds will be blown if they found out that having a smart phone doesn't mean they've got SM accounts (you agreed). That's why by the by I mentioned in brackets (was not my main point, so surprised you keep quoting this) that not having SM doesn't mean they don't see porn or violent content. But as we've established your children do have WA and Snapchat I.e use social media.

Children are not ready for all the pings, for constant dopamine highs, for the anonymity (often meaning users not adhering to social norms), for the likes/ cancel culture. Children miss out on character building activities, language and communication development, using their memory skills and creativity.

I know you want only the best for your children.

@WhiteLily1

Genuinely, as a cost benefit analysis, are the tens of thousands of terrible incidents involving social media and smart phones outweighed by the benefit or kids being able to contact each other 24/7?

Because people seem to be arguing that smart phones are so deeply necessary that any and all negatives are washed away by the benefits.

All the porn, grooming, bullying, sexting, doxxing, harassment is apparently not bad enough when weighed up against children having to be without the possibility of social contact from a friends at their finger tips.

The growing evidence is that this is what leads to teen anxiety. They can’t get away from each other or the opinions of their peers for long enough to develop some sense of themselves as individuals. No wonder so many of them struggle with it.

If we are going for anecdata, a growing number of my older pupils are opting for no social media and dumb phones. I asked my tutor group the other day and many of them said openly that they don’t really like social media and they wished they never had it but they feel like they have no choice.

This is what we did to our kids. We need to be the adults and say no for their own good.