DO NOT give your kid a smartphone this Christmas

OP is correct that the evidence that smartphone use is bad for adolescents is building. PPs are also correct that the world is now set up for smartphone use and it’s quite hard not to have one once you’re getting more independent in the world. That isn’t a reason to give in to it though. Parents can act with a collective voice to put pressure on schools and the government for clearer guidance and support to create smartphone free environments. If there was legislation that governed smartphone use in teens, mobile phone manufacturers and providers would be forced to design products that were suitable and safe for teenagers. No one is saying to go back to phone boxes but parents have little choice between a “dumb” phone with can’t be used for timetables and tickets etc or a smartphone which can do everything (and teenagers are better at getting around restrictions on devices than parents are at setting them!) Subsequently parents tend to choose a smartphone in the hope of keeping their child safe but in doing so, expose them to all kinds of risks.

The tide is turning on this and it isn’t too late to change things for the better.

Sorry, its was ment to have a picture. Its a book called Digitale Demenz. Wie wir uns und unsere Kinder um den Verstand bringen, 2012. By Manfred Spitzer

There's plenty of research evidence that smart phones are very bad for adults. I hate the fact I struggle to use mine in a way that isn't compulsive. Young minds are even more vulnerable to this than my relatively old mind.

Smart phones are not good for children and teens. Some people don't like that fact. It makes them feel defensive. Of their choices and of their own behaviour. But that doesn't change the fact they are harmful.

My plan is to allow a brick phone at high school.
Or alternatively there might be something on the market that is appropriate for teens. There are quite a few in development.

Next project is to wean myself off social media and my phone and try and set a better example. But it's really hard: this is why I worry for them. With even less developed prefrontal cortex they are even less able to modify compulsive behaviour

Don’t agree with this at all:

1. Banning social media/smartphones is an easy solution that avoids dealing with the real issue. Like it or not, we’re not in 2004 and they are here to stay. DC need to be taught how to use them safely and responsibly, and teachers and parents need resources and support to do this.
2. Phones/social media as tools in themselves are not dangerous- the issue comes with how and what they are used to do. They can be a place for teens to discover communities that align with their interests and mine (now mid 20s) used it to stay in touch with friends and relatives abroad. It would make no sense to ban TVs for under 16s because they can be used to view porn, but that’s what’s being proposed with phones/social media.
3. For me the idea of not allowing DC near smartphones/social media for 16 years or whatever and then giving them free rein at a time when they are all gaining independence and freedom in other areas is a recipe for disaster.

My teen uses his as a medical monitoring device so no, he won't be having it taken off him.

I am planning to read this:

Teaching an 11 year old to use a smart phone responsibly is relatively easy.
You can restrict where and when they use it
You can demand to see it on a regular basis
You can legitimately ban or restrict social media
You can have a system that restricts use and where a parent has to approve new apps.

The idea of doing that with a 16 year old... nightmare.

Most 15/16 year olds today have grown up with smart phones and social media and are far less interested in likes and follows than those who are now in their early 20s are. Restricting to 16 is likely to start that back up again.

There are so many uses for smart phones. DD uses it for travel - bus and train apps and tickets, contacting friends, homework apps, guitar tuning apps, music apps. It's a godsend.

I have a tracker on it - we live rurally and she has a long commute to school or to see friends at weekend. I can log on and check that she's at school, or when her train is likely to get in, or if she's made it to her friend's house without having to message her.

In any case the genie is out of the bottle.

What is far more likely is your child will end up with a hidden smartphone you know nothing about and have zero control over.

Hard disagree. Kids of a certain age use smartphones for all sorts of reasons, not just to keep in touch with friends. It’s about parenting and making sure they don’t use them at inappropriate times. You can also absolutely restrict what they can see on the internet.

Meanwhile, how many people (including op) are scrolling on their smartphones to comment that smartphones are terrible……

Practice what you preach

Agree, Op. Our DS is autistic, extremely young and vulnerable for his age and struggles to understand social interaction at the best of times. I'm holding out on the social media/unfettered internet access for as long as possible. He is getting a dumb phone and only allowed internet access via his tablet when we are in the room.

We've found similar stricter rules when young and to help them learn to manage usage.

DD1 19 uses her phone to help her manage her ND conditions as well now she at Uni and away from home. None of them are addicted - and use their mobiles like the tools they are.

It would be easier to restrict phones if more things - like school apps - weren't pushed to them - but it's the way the world has gone and it's teaching them how to managed the world as it is now not hark back to how it used to be.

Thanks but my son is fine. Didn't have a phone until year 7. All his homework apps are on it, he doesn't have anything on it I don't approve of. He had a hobby app and a WhatsApp group for that purpose with other kids his age. It's managed well. You do you.

Written from your smartphone

Well DS seems to manage with the lock down and the apps he does have access to. Duolingo is a good example of where a smartphone works but a brickphone wouldn't.

You use the addictive stuff to your own gain.

I don't allow YouTube at all, apart from if I'm managing it to put on something specific.

Having a tablet which can only be used inside the house, when the parent is around and can see what the child is doing, is quite different to having a phone which is taken wherever the child goes. Phones also have 4/5G, whereas if parents turn off the WiFi a tablet becomes useless.

Tablets can also be used for all the other benefits mentioned on here, such as Duolingo and other educational apps.

The problem with mobile phones is the mobile aspect.

Two books I read recently, both of which have different views but if you read them together will fill in a lot of the gaps the other missed:

1. The Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haidt
2. Unlocked: The Real Science of Screen Time by Pete Etchells

They're different viewpoints, but I think a happy medium is taking lessons from each book. I don't think kids shouldn't have smartphone access until they are 16, and we should be teaching internet safety in schools, with a proficiency test to show understanding.

From my experience, as mum of teenagers, giving dc smart phones in year 6 means you can control and teach phone use etiquette. You need clear rules and boundaries that are strict and can reduce as you navigate what works for you.

I personally think waiting and giving a 15 yo a smart phone means they won’t listen to a parent’s guidance and you’ve missed the boat in teaching important learning.

My dc are 13 (twins in year 9) and 16 (nearly 17).

rules included:
no social media except WhatsApp
no groups on WhatsApp (that’s where trouble begins ime)
Phone is used for limited time increasing as they get older
when I day “phones down” I mean it and do not expect pushback
phones used downstairs only
put on the family docking station at night

this eased with Snapchat being added at the end of year 8 (I still hate it but dc have proven I can trust them on WhatsApp)
phones are now allowed upstairs for specific reasons and permission has to be requested (eg. Can I phone my boyfriend? Can I listen to music upstairs? type requests).

The advice shouldn’t be “don’t buy dc a mobile” it should, imo, be “make clear rules that are very strict initially and commit to teaching your dc how to use a mobile before purchasing one.”

Giving older teens mobiles and hoping they’ll figure it out is a recipe for disaster imo.

I'm also doing it with her 😀 only 200 days for me

My dc got iPads when they were relatively young, about nine and phones when they started secondary. They are 21 and 18 now and neither of them are or have ever been addicted to their devices.

They do loads of things. Sports, friends. There is always something. Right now one is in the city with her school friends as they finished yesterday and the other one is reading a book on a Japanese emperor.

No you can’t. Vaping has no real benefit to anyone, does it?

Phones, technology & social media do.

I never said they were - but it is the way things are going.

My dd12 is also learning Japanese on Duolingo 300+ day streak
It helped all mine catch up with Welsh and DD2 seems to help with her french GCSE as well.

She also has few other revision apps she does as well.

Giving unrestricted access to YouTube is a bad idea, as is giving 10 year olds smartphones. It’s not either or. Unless of course you restrict the apps etc they can use to such a huge extent … and if you are going to do that then what’s the point of the smartphone? Just give them a dumb phone/watch and an hour or whatever of monitored YouTube use on a parent’s IPad or computer each day.

Giving kids pocket computers to carry around 24/7 which are literally designed to be as addictive as possible and then expecting your 10 or 11 year old to “understand the issues” is laughably naive. And that is of course backed up by the facts whereby British teenagers are averaging around 9 hours of screen time a day. They are hopeless addicts before they even reach adulthood.

Duolingo is brilliant.

DS loves it.

My DC are 10/11 and have a watch which you can programme two numbers on. Had a GPS but can't access online content

Take a look at Dr Martha Psycologist and the Brain Doctor on Instagram. Both of them discuss the program the insta post references and provide a balanced and scientific view.
Edited to add, some of the downsides can be mitigated by monitoring and paying attention to your children and what they what. Instead of letting children have free rein and access on ANY device.

Not all social developments are net positives.