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Original poster

Leaving DH out on Christmas eve

255 replies

MerryLiftMass · 20/12/2024 08:01

DH is working Christmas eve until 6.30, home for 7ish. I am also working Christmas eve but finish at the latest 1pm, probably a bit earlier.

I mentioned that I might take the kids to the cinema to watch the new Moana film in the afternoon, for context the kids are all teenagers but Moana is their favourite Disney film and it's rare we are all together these days with the eldest two being in Uni.

DH (Step-Dad of the children) was really put out that we were going to go without him. He said it's a family trip and we are just leaving him out. He was actually quite hurt about it.

I thought there is no point us all missing out just because he has to work. There is no way he would go after work because he is very rigid (he is autistic, not diagnosed but clear as day, he doesn't like to change from routine) and wouldn't want to be getting back from the cinema so late and wouldn't have chance to have dinner as the later showing is at 7.30.

So was I being unreasonable to think we could go without him?

Just for clarity, we have decided to go on boxing day when we can all go and I will do some festive baking and board games with the teens on Christmas eve so we have already reached a compromise, I just wanted to sense check if I was being mean.

OP posts:
ManhattanPopcorn · 20/12/2024 08:12

Are you all supposed to just sit at home waiting for him?

ChristmasEveNotChristmasSteve · 20/12/2024 08:12

Are you sure your university age children want to be taken to the cinema to see Moana anyway? 😅

I'm autistic too and understand him being a bit upset about missing out, but would still encourage you all to go and have a nice time.

Spirallingdownwards · 20/12/2024 08:12

ChickenNuggetFromSpencies · 20/12/2024 08:08

Or grown up man who is missing on Christmas fun on Christmas eve with kids he has taken under?

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Perhaps grown man could arrange something different for family time when he is available rather than insist his wife doesn't do something with her teens without him - you know - like most people do ie. those who aren't insecure, control freaks

Proteinbananas · 20/12/2024 08:12

Glittertwins · 20/12/2024 08:04

I can see where he's coming from - its a family thing and it seems that he is not being included, especially as he's the step parent.

But he's not going to be there!! I think that attitude is incredibly selfish. If I had to work Christmas eve and my husband had arranged this with the kids I'd be chuffed. I'd hate to think of them all kicking about at home when they could be doing something fun.

WimpoleHat · 20/12/2024 08:10

Man at work objects to his kids going to the cinema to see a Disney film? That’s a bit much, really. If you were doing a big theatre trip, or something that he’d really enjoy - fair enough to feel a bit miffed that you’d chosen a day he couldn’t go. But this sounds a bit silly to me. (That said, my DH would go to great lengths not to have to sit through a Disney film, so this is maybe altering my perspective….!)

BenditlikeBridget · 20/12/2024 08:10

We have one partner who works shifts here and I generally try to time things so they get to take part in family treats/trips wherever possible, so I’d probably have done what you’ve ended up with- fun stuff at home and then a trip when everyone could make it.

That said, they would never kick off if I couldn’t make that work.

WhoopsNow · 20/12/2024 08:10

Are you allowed to take your kids on holiday alone, to do day trips or out to eat? I'm wondering if this is a Christmas thing or an all year round thing.

Spirallingdownwards · 20/12/2024 08:10

Glittertwins · 20/12/2024 08:07

No, I don't have any problems thanks and I don't need them to be invented for me!

You do if you think it is acceptable for a man to tell his wife she can't take kids to the cinema without him I am afraid and what is even more sad is you don't realise it is an issue.

Flatandhappy · 20/12/2024 08:10

Taking them yourself on Christmas Eve sounded like a great plan to me, does he seriously want to sit through Moana 2? I took 4yo GD but made sure it was cheap Tuesday and deliberately chose a session that wouldn’t be busy as hell is other people’s children. Does he always have such FOMO?

WhatNoRaisins · 20/12/2024 08:09

Is he a controlling person in general?

ChaosHol1 · 20/12/2024 08:09

No yanbu, so he expects you to all sit at home and do nothing because he is working. I'm working and fully expect my DH to do something with our also older kids rather than sit around Xmas eve doing nothing, then we are all going for dinner when I finish.

ChickenNuggetFromSpencies · 20/12/2024 08:08

ColinOfficeTrolley · 20/12/2024 08:07

Grown man upset because he's missing out on Moana. Fucking ick.

Show quote history

Or grown up man who is missing on Christmas fun on Christmas eve with kids he has taken under?

OkayLetMeKnowHowItGoes · 20/12/2024 08:08

Is this how life normally is for you….his way or nothing?

Glittertwins · 20/12/2024 08:07

No, I don't have any problems thanks and I don't need them to be invented for me!

WhoopsNow · 20/12/2024 08:07

He's being ridiculous. Life goes on while he's at work. Does he begrudge the kids day trips in the summer holidays?

ColinOfficeTrolley · 20/12/2024 08:07

ChickenNuggetFromSpencies · 20/12/2024 08:05

Man doesn't want to be involved. Twat.
Man wants to be involved. Twat.

Grown man upset because he's missing out on Moana. Fucking ick.

YaWeeFurryBastard · 20/12/2024 08:07

(he is autistic, not diagnosed but clear as day, he doesn't like to change from routine)

Ffs when will this self diagnosis of autism end! In women it’s under diagnosed, in men that’s much rarer.

Spirallingdownwards · 20/12/2024 08:06

Glittertwins · 20/12/2024 08:04

I can see where he's coming from - its a family thing and it seems that he is not being included, especially as he's the step parent.

It's a trip to the cinema. Have you never take your kids to the cinema without having permission from or being accompanied by your husband? If you haven't you have a problem too.

BigFatLiar · 20/12/2024 08:06

Not too unreasonable but it would open the door for him to drop you from family events if it's convenient.

ColinOfficeTrolley · 20/12/2024 08:06

Omg. Sounds like an absolute melt.

I could never shag him after this tbh.

ChickenNuggetFromSpencies · 20/12/2024 08:05

Man doesn't want to be involved. Twat.
Man wants to be involved. Twat.

Newdaynewstarts · 20/12/2024 08:05

He is a selfish man. Why can’t Mum takes her kids to cinema without an add on.

CatsndtheBear · 20/12/2024 08:05

I think he was a bit silly to make such a big deal of it... But I also wonder whether he is subconsciously insecure about his place in your kids lives due to being their step parent. Possibly you going off to do something without him triggered that.

I'm not saying that is the case or that he should be controlling what you do... But sometimes insecurities can be evil little gremlins.

If he is generally a great DH and step parent, I would cut him a little slack and see if there's other things going on.

I think PP are being harsh. It's okay to have hurt feelings sometimes. Life is complicated

Glittertwins · 20/12/2024 08:04

I can see where he's coming from - its a family thing and it seems that he is not being included, especially as he's the step parent.

dillonbarks · 20/12/2024 08:04

Just for clarity, we have decided to go on boxing day when we can all go

You do realise he has controlled you to the point of not being allowed to take your own DC to the cinema without him?

Please see this manipulation for what it is, he wasn't 'hurt' becsue you decided to do something with your DC, he felt threatened by it.