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AIBU?

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Original poster

MIL constant texting, am I overreacting?

60 replies

Rudolphrednosed · 20/12/2024 07:13

I’m not sure if I’m overreacting or not.

MIL struggles a bit with boundaries especially as she is extremely close in distance and relationship to DH’s sister and brother.

DH and I live an hours drive away so don’t see her as often but we make the effort once per month or so.

She’s started texting us every single day, we’ll have a message before 6am asking how our night was (we’ve got a baby) and another before 9pm wishing us goodnight. Plus loads of other messages during the day. We have a group chat as I was sending pics of baby on it.

AIBU to find this really suffocating? It feels too much that she literally thinks of us before we’ve even got up. Plus I don’t feel the need to share details of every single night with her. If we have a bad night with DD keeping us up then she’ll follow up with a barrage of advice or spend the day googling what could possibly be wrong. It just feels too much. I’m capable of Googling or getting care for her myself if needed.

AIBU or should I just be grateful she wants to be so involved? I’ve started ignoring the texts but they just keep coming!

OP posts:
Original poster
Rudolphrednosed · 20/12/2024 07:51

We’ve always lived miles away so that’s not a new thing. It’s our first DC but not her first grandchild. I think we are coping pretty well though. You may be right that’s she doesn’t have enough going on at home.

OP posts:
LizzoBennett · 20/12/2024 07:50

I think it's time for a New Year's resolution to use/look at your phone less OP. You want to be more present in the moment with baby. You hope MIL understands and that DH will try to come back when he can and you'll still of course share pictures when possible.

AlertCat · 20/12/2024 07:49

Rudolphrednosed · 20/12/2024 07:42

DH is in the chat but rarely looks at his phone and when he does reply I think it makes her worse! I’ve tried just ignoring but she’ll keep messaging and eventually call to find out if we’re ok.

Mute her and respond every other day? You can point out that with a baby you need to be available and responsive to the baby rather than your phone so you’re instigating digital discipline and only using it within certain times 😁

Teanbiscuits33 · 20/12/2024 07:49

Rudolphrednosed · 20/12/2024 07:42

DH is in the chat but rarely looks at his phone and when he does reply I think it makes her worse! I’ve tried just ignoring but she’ll keep messaging and eventually call to find out if we’re ok.

She seems like she’s got some anxiety around this. I know you say she’s close with your DH’s siblings so you might not think she is lonely if she has them close, but something is clearly triggering this because she seems quite obsessive over needing to know you’re okay. I’d be thinking about why this might be and asking MIL if she is okay? Say she seems overly worried and you’re a bit worried incase she is struggling with something?

Does she think your DH has abandoned her and she’s trying desperately to keep the lines of communication open? Has she had a past experience of a baby in the family being unwell? Who knows! I would tactfully enquire.

Commonsenseisnotsocommon · 20/12/2024 07:45

She's far too much and reminds me of a mil I know...
You need to not be as available in replying back and the times that you do be telling her not to worry and to enjoy her day. Also ask DH to manage her, he needs to let her know it's too much.

Original poster
Rudolphrednosed · 20/12/2024 07:42

DH is in the chat but rarely looks at his phone and when he does reply I think it makes her worse! I’ve tried just ignoring but she’ll keep messaging and eventually call to find out if we’re ok.

OP posts:
Mashroom · 20/12/2024 07:33

That’s way too much but she’s lonely and not active enough in her own life
my mil used to ring me after work (I used to arrive home an hour before dh) so I talked to dh and he rang her and dealt with it nicely

(she used to ring me worrying would dh get home from work ok? How were we all getting on, poor dh working so hard) I literally had a tougher job at that time so dh just said when she rings it makes me anxious too about dh getting home and this was the ideal way to deal with it.

InkHeart2024 · 20/12/2024 07:29

Are they in a group chat with your DH? I would leave your DH to respond to them if so. If it's just to you, maybe add DH to the chat!

greengreyblue · 20/12/2024 07:27

That’s ott and probably well meaning but it’s invasive. What does your DH think?
Can you mute the chat? Let your DH deal with it. If you keep feeding it by responding she’ll likely keep it up.
As pp says:
I’d probably message her and just say politely, ‘’MIL, I know you are concerned for us out of love and it’s really lovely, but we can manage, you don’t need to worry so much. We will let you know if we need any help x’
But, let DH send it.

Teanbiscuits33 · 20/12/2024 07:25

No, you’re not over reacting, she seems very full on. What happened prior to this? Have you only just moved an hour away? Seems odd how she would just suddenly start texting every day out of nowhere. It’s probably because of your baby perhaps? She wants to make herself useful. She’s probably feeling a bit out of control or lonely and feels she’s suitably qualified to give baby advice? Is the baby your first?

I’d probably message her and just say politely, ‘’MIL, I know you are concerned for us out of love and it’s really lovely, but we can manage, you don’t need to worry so much. We will let you know if we need any help x’