MIL constant texting, am I overreacting?

My mother has started this in the last 18 months. It's not 'because she loves me' it's because she's bored and lonely and wants attention. This is not a healthy way to get it (not least of all because I have no attention to give her). I've tried ignoring and tried telling her politely to stop. The only remaining steps are either to tell her rudely to stop in a way that can't be misinterpreted, block her number, or swallow my irritation and put up with it. Most of the time I don't respond and I don't answer calls. I feel your pain OP.

This is my MIL - it's v annoying. She messages both DH and I constantly and treats me as the secretary if he doesn't reply whether it's time sensitive or not- I try not to reply to her messages too quickly so as not to encourage it - she's in her 80s and is I think on the spectrum with poor impulse control so I try to be tolerant and just moan a bit to DH.

My mum does this. I got a text this morning at 6am. "Hi, how are you?". I was asleep. I don't reply, then a few hours later "are you working today?". I didn't reply to that so got a phone call, that I didn't answer. A few minutes later a text with love heart emoji and I miss you. It does grind my gears.

Is she lonely?
It's nice that she loves you so much!
But I can comment understand why it might feel too much or suffocating

My mum wasn't as bad as this but I think, if we'd given an inch, she would have taken a mile and got ths bad. It took a few arguments but she did this a few times - messaged me and when I didn't respond instantly, called - she even called my office/DH/Dsis/BIL on a few occassions. It took me reading her the riot act - I let it go the first couple of times thiking, "oh, she's being a bit silly but I've told her now) and, as importantly, there rest of them not buying her rubbish. But it did stop.

My advice is htat you have to be firm and polite, but escalate if necessary. When she calls because you haven't answered messages for 2 hours say, "MIL - I'm not here just to answer messages, I hae a babny, things are busy." and your DH should be backing you too.

Your MIL sounds really rude. I can't believe that she doesn't thank you for sending the pictures but thanks your DH instead. I would stop bothering if I were you.

Just cut her call off and send her a text saying she’s called the wrong number, give her your husband’s number and say you have blocked her so she will need to only contact him going forward. Then block her and never give her another thought.

This sounds similar to my ex-MIL when we had a baby. I felt so overwhelmed by her, she was so domineering and my ex wouldn't stand up to her/didn't see the issue. I just started ignoring the messages and calls but it drove a wedge between my partner and I and probably contributed to our relationship ending.

So I don't think you are being unreasonable. Perhaps you need to limit the amount of interactions you have on the group chat, use the excuse of digital detox. Pray someone else in the family has another baby. But the main thing is the communication with your partner. He needs to see your POV. If he doesn't do this, then the only option is to be blunt and direct and ask her to stop the early morning texts. If you need help, you will ask.

Sorry I replied saying she just loves you but I can’t find it now to edit it

She is being overbearing but she probably doesn’t realise it. You aren’t being unreasonable.

i suppose what I’m trying to say is that she just cares about you all so much. As you may have guessed, I might be a little guilty of doing this, not to that extent though. Just trying to advise to help

She just loves you

Maybe she is feeling very emotional at the moment. Christmas brings out the best and worst in people. Has she hot boundaries issues or are they just a close family? I wouldn’t upset her I’d just mute her messages for a couple of weeks and just say you are very busy and haven’t got time to look at messages.

Cripes how about a new phone /number and keep meaning to give it to her. My ils never had my mobile number.. Dh dealt with all that drama. Your dh needs to manage her expectations.. Which are way too ott. Text before 6 am? That's nuts.

My mil texts me when DH doesn’t respond say asking for picture and never responds to me when I’ve sent them! She leaves me on read and messages DH again saying what lovely pictures!!
So I feel your pain all I do is if I’m sending a picture to lots of people I forward to her too I definitely don’t go out of my way to message. If she’s messaging a lot I ignore for a few hours or give short responses, I do tell DH to text/ call more but there’s only so much I can do.

I agree with the poster who suggested saying your new year's resolution is to not be looking at your phone as much. I'd start saying this to your MIL now, if there is any fallout let your husband deal with it as it seems he doesn't worry about not keeping up with her messages.

Tell her you are doing a digital detox in the new year and in particular you don’t want the baby to see you on the phone too much. So you’ll probably only look once a day. Then adopt the thumbs up / red heart response.

Mute, ignore, hand it all over to DH to deal with. She would drive me to the brink of despair.

Dh could tell her your trying to not use your phone as much
and that she’s also being ott

I would be muting her messages

I would reply with a thumbs up or perhaps fine thanks a few hours later. You can then move towards no reply .
DH needs to have a word to ask her to back off.

My MIL did that! DS is 8 now and it has died down a lot.
My MIL used to drive me potty in the first year or so with all her advice and telling me how much she loved DS, he ended up having more clothes and toys at her house than he did here!
Whilst it drove me mad, she and DS have a lovely relationship and I know if I ever need her, she's there in a flash.

I did have to tell her that I can't always respond to her messages right away as I was feeding/playing/eating/bathing etc, eventually it died down. I think I even posted about it on here once!

Your husband needs to step up and tell her to back off a bit.

Sounds awful. I think you need to be upfront even better your DH needs to be. Ignoring or short answers might lead to friction and misunderstanding. I think he needs to ask her, kindly, to give you a bit of space, and understand that you don't want to be on your phone all the time. I would just ignore the early morning and late night ones though as thats just a bit weird.

Mute her. Send pics in the group as normal on your timings. Ignore the ridiculous early/ late smothering messages. Tell your husband you’re no longer engaging 1 to 1 with her or answering the phone to her so he needs to pull his finger out. Then forget about it.

My DFIL can be needy but not in the sane way.

He does phone a lot though and wants constant company. You definitely don't have to reply to every message or if you do, you can leave it hours before responding. I'd also look at seeing if you can remove the ticks do that she can't see if you've seen her message or not.

The response upthread is a good one.

The other thing I'd suggest is a bit of grey rocking:

"How was your night" can be met with "Fine thanks, how was yours"?

I’m a MIL and worry I don’t keep in contact often enough. Still working F/T and no time. Have you tried very brief boring replies? How was your night? Good thanks, or not the best v tired, type of thing. Don’t over engage. So you aren’t rude and don’t ignore her, but at the same time don’t engage too much. Also ‘busy right now’ might be a useful phrase.