Bf on works Xmas do but not texting me

I'd hope on a night out phones and social media would be turned off. Regardless of that, you do seem to have issues as others have observed.

If you were a man this would be red flags galore

It still is. Suffocating and controlling. I hope you get some therapy for your BPD, OP, for everyone's sake.

I have ROCD and can get like this. I catastrophise too. I'm starting therapy again in January for it because I know I can't go on like this. I'm not here to diagnose you OP but have you heard of ROCD? Google and see if it reasonates. I'm having CBT for it because I've always been like this in relationships too and I know I am exhausting.
I hope you got some sleep. xx

If you were a man this would be red flags galore

He is not a puppy he does not need a lead

So you have EUPD/BPD - are you having any therapy for this? I guessed you had that before you said from what you said about always feeling like this in relationships. It's not your fault, but you can take charge of your life and seek some help. DBT is the type of therapy recommended for EUPD.

I think it odd that you were both texting from 3pm -8.30m. If I’m out, the last thing I want is texts from DH or my (adult) kids who live at home and should know I am out. Frankly, if they texted while I was out I would ignore and then have words later. True emergencies are different though, happy for those, and then I would expect a phone call.

He could be playing a game online or sending videos or something to his mates. What do you do to unwind when you're not with your BF? Do you muck around on the net? Chat with friends? That's all he's probably doing.

She wasnt always this bad, but after 50 years of marriage (or slightly less as it was at the time) she got worse.

I suggest, with kindness, that you may need some talking therapy to help you work out why you feel like this, and how to deal with it in a way that will help you to not sabotage relationships in future.

Exactly @Beepop22
It'll all about be good when he recovers from the works do. Nothing to see here . Wouldn't like to be him in the morning if he has work.
He's probably slurred to anyone that listens about his gf. You 😀

He's probably flat out on his bed. I suggest you do the same. Don't over invest yourself in your insecurities.
I can talk. But that's what I'd do.
Tomorrow is another day and he'll probably have a hangover from hell.
Back off and go out with your friends
It's Christmas. Nothing is normal..

Is he back yet? The more you read Mumsnet, the more you'll have bad ideas running through your mind. I'm like this. I blame American dramas where the worst would always happen. When DH was younger he was also the opposite to me, out for hours with no contact whereas I always check in. However, if there's no need to contact you then he probably just thinks it would be clingy to message you and especially as it gets later and you should be sleeping.

The ex girlfriend thing is weird tho.

Not going to give my opinion but will tell you what happen shortly BC. November 2019 I took my dad to the pub I was running at the time as one of the regulars was at school with my dad and they were great mates at school. This was a total coincidence due to the fact that they had both moved but ended up in the same area.

He told my mother that he would be back around "tennish" and given that it was my only night off, I was driving, he was 69 and it was a 30 mile round trip, its not like she had much to worry about. She blew up both of our phones by ten past ten. Father is deaf and was not checking his phone as he was having a laugh with his old school mate, and I was just not checking my phone. When I realised and called her she went completely OTT. When we got back at about half eleven she was waiting outside, in her nightdress and dressing gown and had a right go about us being "late". And no, she doesnt have dementia or anything else. She can live her life but he cant live his.

A person should be able to go out for the day or night and not be obliged to reply to texts from their partner unless it is an emergency.

My SIL always does this to my BIL when he is out (even if he’s just over to watch a sports game). If he doesn’t reply she will start calling him. It’s needy and some of the time manipulative,

If it was a reversal and the husband was constantly wanting updates or checking in Mumsnetters would be pointing abuse/ coercive control.

That would be a very nasty thing to do. Either you choose to stay with him and work on your feelings of jealousy and suspicion, or you break up with him and set him free.
It would be very unfair to punish him for your paranoia by being distant and cold.
It really sounds as though you’re not ready for a relationship right now.

Trouble is none of us know what he is doing. Most of the time people aren't off chasing around for sex, well one exBF was but he couldn't keep it in his trousers or so he tried to make me believe, a lot of it was a cry for attention.

6 hours is nothing really, leave him to it, concentrate on you and making yourself feel better.

OP I've been exactly the same in my previous relationships, and it's me who's the needy toxic person. I hold my hands up and admit that I'm deeply insecure and always feel that I'm not enough to keep a man happy. I then become so needy that they feel smothered. I've wrecked every relationship I've ever been in by self sabotage.
I've now been single for 12 years because my issues are so deeply rooted that I think it's just part of my personality now.
I've accepted that relationships just aren't for me. And I'm actually happier single.
But if you want to keep a man in your life you will need to get some type of therapy and work on your self esteem. I hope you're able to get some sleep and stop thinking about what he's up to x

If agree you shouldn't be in a relationship, you should break up with him. Not go all distant - that's game playing and unhealthy.