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AIBU?

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Original poster

To need some sort of domestic coach?

113 replies

Embarrassinglyuseless · 19/12/2024 22:40

I recognize this comes from a position of extreme privileged but I am drowning! I married a man who has become extraordinarily financially successful - I stay at home and look after our two children (no.3 on the way) - the deal being that I have a pretty unlimited budget, but I need to manage the house and I am TERRIBLE at it

I have a housekeeper who comes for 6 hours twice a week - she does and puts away all laundry, changes beds / sheets - and does all the usual cleaning

I have gardeners who come in weekly and do the yard work

my oldest is at school five days a week - youngest at nursery three mornings

I CANNOT get it together or stay on top of…

  • keeping the fridge clean and stocked
  • keeping things basically tidy
  • making sure the dog has everything he needs (annual check ups / insurance)
  • managing all the crap about the cars (mots, insurance etc)
  • keeping my car clean and tidy (it looks like I live in it full time. It’s embarrasing)
  • paying all the bills etc
  • making daily beds
  • feeding myself sensibly (the children always have nutritionally sound meals at appropriately scheduled times
  • Managing all the homework and reading
  • scheduling play dates
  • hosting dinner parties occasionally so people keep inviting us
  • scheduling travel and holidays
  • trying not to be a terrible friend
  • occasionally schedule a date or two
  • working on house Reno projects

basiclly I feel like life happens to me rather than me happening to my life. I feel like I’m constantly working to fight fires rather than working to a system - I know that I have more time than most people but I really really need help getting it together.

YANBU - take a domestic management course! Or find a coach (bonus points for pointing my useless ass somewhere)

YABU - no one can teach you this - you just have to do it.

OP posts:
MisoSalmonForLunch · 19/12/2024 22:58

I sympathise OP. I’m not in your position but I know that if I was I would struggle with all this too. I know that even with an unlimited budget I would struggle to do all the things you mention above.

I only have one small suggestion re the cars - there are various apps which help you keep track of dates for servicing, tax, MOTs, insurance etc. If you’re looking after several cars that’s probably quite useful. I think VehicleSmart and Caura both do this, but I’m sure there are others too .

Elizo · 19/12/2024 22:53

Embarrassinglyuseless · 19/12/2024 22:40

I recognize this comes from a position of extreme privileged but I am drowning! I married a man who has become extraordinarily financially successful - I stay at home and look after our two children (no.3 on the way) - the deal being that I have a pretty unlimited budget, but I need to manage the house and I am TERRIBLE at it

I have a housekeeper who comes for 6 hours twice a week - she does and puts away all laundry, changes beds / sheets - and does all the usual cleaning

I have gardeners who come in weekly and do the yard work

my oldest is at school five days a week - youngest at nursery three mornings

I CANNOT get it together or stay on top of…

  • keeping the fridge clean and stocked
  • keeping things basically tidy
  • making sure the dog has everything he needs (annual check ups / insurance)
  • managing all the crap about the cars (mots, insurance etc)
  • keeping my car clean and tidy (it looks like I live in it full time. It’s embarrasing)
  • paying all the bills etc
  • making daily beds
  • feeding myself sensibly (the children always have nutritionally sound meals at appropriately scheduled times
  • Managing all the homework and reading
  • scheduling play dates
  • hosting dinner parties occasionally so people keep inviting us
  • scheduling travel and holidays
  • trying not to be a terrible friend
  • occasionally schedule a date or two
  • working on house Reno projects

basiclly I feel like life happens to me rather than me happening to my life. I feel like I’m constantly working to fight fires rather than working to a system - I know that I have more time than most people but I really really need help getting it together.

YANBU - take a domestic management course! Or find a coach (bonus points for pointing my useless ass somewhere)

YABU - no one can teach you this - you just have to do it.

Keeping on top of the house is a ridiculous amount of work. I think you need to lower your standards. Dirty car? Who cares. Dog admin should be extremely limited. Not more than an hour a yeah. Bills on auto. Drop the dinner parties for now and go out instead. Calendar for play dates…

JJ456 · 19/12/2024 22:52

You know at first I was like what a joke this privileged lady needs to get it together. But do you know what? This just shows how impossible it is to run a house. Even with all that help. And most people (nearly everyone) don’t have that. So I kind of appreciate this post.

if you have an unlimited budget can’t you just send kids into childcare and get it done in a day though? Or pay a cleaner to come and do fridge etc

OddBallNumber5 · 19/12/2024 22:52

BlondeFool · 19/12/2024 22:48

Jesus 🙄

Words fail me also

Suzuki76 · 19/12/2024 22:51

Is he around at weekends? If not then you have a nursery age kid at home for 4 full days and 3 afternoons plus 10 school runs so you can hardly start doing solo house reno. I've only got one and I ignore/we jointly do half your list at least.

  • keeping the fridge clean and stocked - weekly delivery, set a phone alarm after they are in bed to order
  • keeping things basically tidy - try short bursts
  • making sure the dog has everything he needs (annual check ups / insurance) - set phone alarms now for next few years
  • managing all the crap about the cars (mots, insurance etc) - as above
  • keeping my car clean and tidy (it looks like I live in it full time. It’s embarrasing) Mine's a tip, I don't care. Take a binbag out next time you drive it
  • paying all the bills etc - just set up DDs!
  • making daily beds - don't always bother
  • feeding myself sensibly (the children always have nutritionally sound meals at appropriately scheduled times - add the correct things to the weekly delivery
  • Managing all the homework and reading - should be manageable with your paid help really.
  • scheduling play dates - We don't bother, DS does after school activities instead
  • hosting dinner parties occasionally so people keep inviting us - ha, nope
  • scheduling travel and holidays - this should be a joint task
  • trying not to be a terrible friend
  • occasionally schedule a date or two - should be joint
  • working on house Reno projects - can wait til kids are older
Loselocket · 19/12/2024 22:51

Brace yourself OP

SeaToSki · 19/12/2024 22:50

what do you end up doing with you time instead? Is it that you hate doing those kind of jobs, that you start but cant finish them, that you chase your tail starting one thing then jumping to another thing and then it all ends in chaos, or that you just get engrossed in something and it sucks you in for hours..or something else?

neverknowinglyunreasonable · 19/12/2024 22:50

As you mentioned "extraordinary financially successful" I'll offer to clean your fridge for a grand....

BlondeFool · 19/12/2024 22:48

Jesus 🙄

Original poster
Embarrassinglyuseless · 19/12/2024 22:48

RubberDuckyURtheone · 19/12/2024 22:45

Ignoring the elephant in the room of your massive amount of time, money and hired help 😂 i do sympathise, I find keeping on top of domestic tasks difficult to manage mentally - like I walk into other people's houses and marvel at what they do and it feels like they have a superpower that I just can't possess. My house isn't bad but everything always feels a slog. I work full time in a stressful job, as does my husband- have always thought if I had more time it would click into place but perhaps not...

Oh I own that the elephant is there! I’m pointing at it and yelling!

“look, I have my very own giant friendly elephant and I’m still totally stuck..”

(I do need to get it together somehow. I think some of it is innate - I have friends with much less time and help who live immaculately. When I ask them they just point out imaginary dirt that I can’t see!)

OP posts:
Orangelight23 · 19/12/2024 22:48

Bloody hell 😂

Catza · 19/12/2024 22:46

You already have a list of things that need doing so why not just follow a list? You serve your kids nutritious meals so you are clearly not lacking in skills. The other things are clearly not your priority and that's actually OK. I hope you have more fun things to occupy your days with. Hire a PA and enjoy your life.

RubberDuckyURtheone · 19/12/2024 22:45

Ignoring the elephant in the room of your massive amount of time, money and hired help 😂 i do sympathise, I find keeping on top of domestic tasks difficult to manage mentally - like I walk into other people's houses and marvel at what they do and it feels like they have a superpower that I just can't possess. My house isn't bad but everything always feels a slog. I work full time in a stressful job, as does my husband- have always thought if I had more time it would click into place but perhaps not...