To need some sort of domestic coach?

Are you American?

I think you need to approach it like a job.
Set up a trello board or something like that and when kids are at school sit down and go through the tasks like you would if you were at work.

It is for me too. It's why I have a personal trainer and go to Aqua Aerobics class. I wouldn't keep exercising without accountability.
And when I had a downturn in my motivation and organisation due to personal circumstances I got a professional organiser in for a while to help me to de clutter a bit, explore storage solutions and develop some better habits. It got me back on track and I think it might help you.

I have worked in a school as senior admin, and have an AuDHD child. I will say that the hardest people to have a conversation with about ADHD are the teachers who themselves clearly have it but are undiagnosed. When you discuss symptoms they will tell you this is normal. By which they mean, that’s how things were for them too. It’s unlikely you knew the actual rate of medication for your class but if your school was good at SEN and your local state offering wasn’t, it’s very possible you had more neurodivergent kids than the average.

ADHD people thrive in pressured, structured environments - it brings about their hyperfocus. ADHD isn’t about not being able to concentrate, it’s about not being able to force concentration on things you don’t really want to do - or don’t need to do right now.

You would really benefit from medication. Use solder of that cash to fast-track a diagnosis. Have a look at the amazing resource that is ADDitude. And consider online housework coaches like Flylady or The Organised Mum.

Finally - plan your day. I am a carer and also have a lot of house repairs on at the moment - I’m you but on a much more modest scale! I do the same things each day, for example check my emails for 30 minutes each day after the school run, and use that to compile a to-do list in a notebook bought for the purpose.

I honestly think if you have unlimited spending power then hire a PA for you and your DH.
Just because you're home and not working doesn't mean you are your DH's PA.

You're already looking after the children, that's your job.
Everything else is hard. You're lucky you can afford to throw money at it, so do that!

Overdiagnosed or not it sounds like you do struggle with executive function - so do I. Here's how I manage it

• first day of the month I book supermarket deliveries to arrive at 10am Sunday every week. I put "book supermarket" in my diary on my phone so I don't forget to do it.
• day before the shopping arrives the supermarket texts me to remind me that I only have 5 bananas in the basket! I have a giant notebook where I do a meal plan and shopping list. Online shopping is done the night before it's due.
• When the shopping arrives, I am ruthless about chucking out old stuff in the fridge not just putting new stuff on top of it.
• Treat other things like work. So timetable which days you tidy which rooms and time-limit it: 10am - 11am Monday tidy the living room, Tuesday the kitchen, Wednesday the bathroom, if your "meeting" finishes early then great. Timetable in admin times: dogmin is 1pm Tuesdays for example.
• Have a checklist on the freezer or somewhere visible with "end of day tasks" on it - hang up any laundry, make sure surfaces in the kitchen are clear, wipe down table, any crockery in the dishwasher etc.
• Children do homework and reading while you cook dinner.
• Direct debits for absolutely any bill that you possibly can.

Make lists of what needs doing, and just get on and do it. One by one, and tick them off.

I’m offering this advice for free, but it’d usually cost you £250. 🙂

I don’t think this is an ADHD issue - I have diagnosed ADHD and I am incredibly organised - possibly as compensation.

If OP was deputy head at secondary she has concentration & organisation skills. Whatever subject she taught she would have broken down into chunks to teach. She just needs to apply those skills to the domestic sphere.

In this case it sounds like she has not got her head round the systems she needs to put in place for all this to go smoothly.

Filing cabinet with labelled files for each subject - dog, bills, cars etc.

She needs a master calendar either on the wall or digital with everyone’s movements including hers are mapped.

Food shop should be online with favourites or old orders saved to reorder from. Then top up in store.

I know it seems to be in fashion at the min but the lack of being able to do things could you have adhd?

Edited, sorry just read above that you do, I think that answers alot

You don’t have a housekeeper you have a cleaner.

Organisation is what you need.

Running a house isn't "impossible". It really isn't. Some find it easier than others and cash isn't always the solution

OP my tips are -
(1) ruthless decluttering
(2) tidy little and often
(3) Google calendar for everything
(4) direct debits / standing orders for as much as possible

I would forget Reno projects unless absolutely necessary, in which case hire professionals to manage it all, but it will cause upheaval e.g. rooms that you can’t use for weeks

You could look at medication for ADHD or working with an ADHD coach on strategies and systems that will help you manage your responsibilities with support.

I (on and off because I'm a bit shit) follow the Flylady. I'm not saying it's the best out there but she incorporates stuff like clean out your car, menu planning, admin into her suggested daily routines, parts of which are pretty much the same every week Might be worth a try?

OP. Have you considered trialling an ADHD medication? Most of them are very quick acting which means you can see if they would suit you and have a positive impact on you quite quickly. Given you have a diagnosis of ADHD, maybe a dual pronged approach of medication and behavioural coaching to build your self management strategies would be helpful

"I have a medical condition which is causing me huge problems but I'm not going to get it treated"

Can you see how ridiculous that sounds? Get yourself onto ADHD meds, you can afford to do it privately. Will make a huge difference.

It doesn’t sound like a stealth boast. It sounds like the fact that she has help makes her feel even worse about not being able to organise the things she lists.

plus this is anonymous online. I could say I’m a billionaire with 6 cars and a yacht and an island. Who’s gonna know whether it’s true or not. I’m not sure it’s boasting if it’s to random strangers online. I think the OP genuinely wants help.

Could be because it’s all boring stuff

What you're posting isn't helpful to the OP is it? Perhaps there are times when your thoughts are best kept to yourself. It doesn't sound like a stealth boast to me. You can have money and still be struggling and need a helping hand. I think it takes a degree of courage to post this and open yourself up to unkindness and criticism.

I was in this position when my DDs were young … and I totally relate. I had lots of help - paid help, no local family but I struggled to keep on top of it all. Even with help it’s a lot. And yes you’re in a privileged position but there’s only so much you can outsource. Managing a home and raising a family IS a full time job.