Husband Won't Correct My Name

This is such a non issue. If you’re arguing over things like this 2 months in I don’t hold out much hope for the marriage.

Think that’s a wee bit over the top saying OP husband doesn’t respect or value her name . She is asking if she is “ massively over thinking “, which I think she is.

@venus7 I didn't know newborns had the capacity to choose the birth name of their preference?

So the default is acceptable at birth, but not at marriage? It is STILL a male's name.

@RitaIncognita Absolutely agree. As well as being a person in her own right.

You are being invited as your DH’s wife - ie Mrs DH.

But the point is, the OP is not Mrs. DH.

@@MissScarletInTheBallroom
"This is such a daft argument."

• Not a daft argument, I'm just stating facts - most people, not all but most, have a patrilineal surname.

"By this logic women can never have names of their own."

• Now this is a daft argument. Brothers and sisters have the same surname - boys are given their father's surname too. Would you say they can't have names of their own, just because it came from their father?

"Yes it is patriarchal that most girls in the western world are given their father's surname when they are born."

• You're right, it IS patriarchal that girls are given their father's surname. But it's also patriarchal that boys are given their father's surname too! Hence the custom of giving patrilineal surnames.

I kept my name. My title, when I need one, is Ms.

You do realise this is mumsnet right?

Because her parents gave her the same name as her father at birth. They could have chosen her mother's or made something up. But the point is since she was registered that has been hername.

This would not bother me tbh. Your name is still "officially" yours, regardless of what is on a wedding invitation
Women have took their husbands name for years as the norm and that generation would assume I suppose
Not that I'm saying it's right, it's just at how it is
If it is you that feels that strongly about it, fair enough, but you have to be the one to correct them

It's OP's name.

Ok so assuming your name isn't Gary let's imagine everyone just calling you Gary for no reason other than they have a mate called Gary and what's the point in getting your name right Gary will do what's the big deal. What's the fuss??

YABU. I don’t think this is a big deal. (And in any case, whether you keep your surname or take his, it’s still some man’s name).

She's "bothered" about the name written on the sheet of paper

Nobody's looking at your name on the board, they are looking for their own name and table.

If it was something important I would see the issue but your bothered about a sheet of paper and a piece of cardboard on a table that will go in the bin. This is a none issue.

Be interested to know on this thread...how many of you actually kept your birth surname upon marriage? And of those of you who did, what title did you take?
I only know of one other married Ms Owname IRL.
I'm Ms D-B (hubby and I both added on).

Why not her mother's surname? Or her mother's mother's mother's surname?
It is not nonsense; why is your father's name acceptable, but not her husband's?

I disagree. Its not really about the wedding card but husband's attitude to his wife’s name. Establishing clear boundaries now will save many future arguments.

i don’t feel strongly enough about keeping my own surname so I voted YABU. It seems such a tiny thing to get worked up about. Difficult to empathise over something which isn’t really a big deal. I’m trying to think of a reason for someone to feel so strongly about this but I’m honestly stumped.

This is such a daft argument.

By this logic women can never have names of their own.

Yes it is patriarchal that most girls in the western world are given their father's surname when they are born.

But the moment they are born and named, it becomes their name, and part of their identity.

It's not about where the name originally came from. It's about whether you want to change a fundamental part of your identity when you get married.

If you want to share a name with your spouse I can see the logic for double barrelling (although I often see couples where the woman double barrels and the man doesn't, which is quite telling). I can also see the logic for them both changing their names to something new (although this would be a nightmare for genealogists). But the logic for women systematically taking their husbands' names on marriage is weak at best. If it weren't, there would be an even split between women taking their husbands' names and men taking their wives' names.

And if you always hated your name or didn't want to be reminded of your abusive father or what have you, why not change your name by deed poll just because you want to? Why is marriage the time you suddenly decide to change your name?

I wouldn't mind personally but since you do mind, I would text the relative.

I'm not sure why your DH got so cross about it but I would just let it go for now.

Good!!!

It's an oversight on their part probably stressed to bits organising a wedding it's not personal.
I personally wouldn't correct them and your partner may feel awkward correcting them.
You know who you are , let this one go.