Husband Won't Correct My Name

Why don't you argue?

Is it because you know if you raise something with him he will strop off like a 3yo?

I kept my maiden name for years for professional reasons but I really wasn't fussed if DH's family referred to me by his surname. It's the social norm in the UK and they weren't to know I preferred a more modern approach.

I don't blame your DH for not correcting them - it's their wedding after all. The biggest day of their life so far. Your preferred surname isn't their priority.

It’s the sexism that would bother me but my DO would say something to the relative

We are getting married and his name is not important to him, mine is to me so he is taking mine.

In this case, I would send an rsvp accepting but also send them a lovely Christmas note and just say, we would love to accept love from Mr A and Ms B done

I think you should let it go.

If you can't, you raise it.

You have legally kept your name.

It's a wedding invite, not a court summons.

Have a little glance at the news and think about one brave wife tonight.

I never say that kind of thing but really, 🤔 it's not a death sentence.

The bride will probably just be upset, an oversight.

And as others have said, I have never paid any attention to a seating plan, other than where I am sat.

This post is one of the most predictable posts on MN.

What a melt. 🥰

YABU. In fact, I think it would be cheeky of your husband to mention it directly to them after receiving the invitation to their big day. I'd just leave it until you see them and mention it in a jokey way so they know in future.

You are really over reacting, sorry OP.

It's just a fuss about nothing IMHO. If it's important to you then you need to make the correction. It's a bit annoying knowing how to address cards to couples with different surnames. Do you put Mr X and Miss Y

I agree with asking people you trust and who understand, to send things to Ms and Mr Yoursuname, and see how important the right name is to him then.

As pp said, its only not important because it doesnt affect him......same as all the issues with feminism throughout the ages....plus ca change.....

Can you reply to the invite?

If it means that much to you to have it corrected for place card that’s only a temporary thing, you should contact them yourself. As PP’s have said, your DH probably doesn’t want to make a fuss over something that no one else will think is an issue.

Have you lost your ability to speak for yourself?

It's family admin. RSVP yourself and write PS, most people call me Ms MyNameIsPreciousAndDefinitelyNotHis and I'd prefer you to use my name.

I married my DH last year and I've kept my name. My DM puts my surname and then his in brackets. My godmother calls me Mrs HisName. I honestly don't care and I'm a passionate feminist and I get more pissed off being called Mrs AnyName than Ms HisName. I'd rather fight battles about inequality for women than admin.

Can’t you put it on your Reply? Either put both your full names and don’t mention it (eg Peter Smith and Jane Jones) or just add a brief, friendly note about you keeping your name.

If you’re feeling really naughty, you could sign the reply “Peter and Jane Jones” and then they might think he took your surname and label the places accordingly 😀 Then you can see from his reaction whether the wrong name matters or not!

Sorry you are getting so little support here, particularly as people are missing the point.

There is the issue of allowing a mistake to be reinforced by having the wrong name on the seating plan but it was your husband's reaction and not the mistake with your name which upset you.

You discussed how important keeping your name was before you got married and he was supportive. He wasn't bothered about you both having the same name or he would have taken yours and now, like many of the posters here, he is being very dismissive. I would be upset by that too. It's like he never really understood why you wanted to keep your own name and is now acting like you're making a big deal over something unimportant.

It doesn't matter if other posters on MN "couldn't get worked up about it", it matters to you.

I would take the initiative for making sure your name was corrected or you will be given your husband's name by default for evermore. I would talk to your husband after you gave done that and explain how hurtful his dismissive attitude was.

When sending any cards or letters to his family I would make sure I put a sender name and address on the back just to include my correct name.

I think it's a huge over reaction. If it's that big a deal to you, then contact the family member yourself. I feel just as irritated as you if someone gets my name wrong and addresses me as Ms or Miss instead of Mrs, but I would expect to correct someone myself not expect my husband to do it for me!

Oh no she isn't

I personally don't think I'd get annoyed over this as it's an easy mistake to make on their part. I would find it more acceptable than when people write Mr and Mrs husbands first and last name which I absolutely hate.

I wouldn't contact someone to correct them over it but I might make a joke about it in passing to them later on.

I imagine he's embarrassed at having to "pull "them up on this and doesn't want to message and tell them they've got it wrong. You might see it as just letting them know he sees it as correcting them.
Do it yourself.

I dont get mad at people who legitimately make mistakes but if its ongoing and bothering me I will point it out because at the end of the day it MY identity and basic respect to be call what I say.

I have my name (kept my maiden name) which is usual like Katja Bonitas and my husband has a really standard English name like Adam Bennett and I often get cards from his distant family members to Kathryn Bennett etc... but I literally NEVER see these people so its not worth caring about (they don't even need to send card really they are strangers).

You should get your family to address your stuff to your husband as Mr. TheTingTings and see how he likes it, the sexism doesn't bother him purely because he doesn't ever have to face it. He might change his mind on the importance if it starts happening to him though.

Not that deep imo

His reaction is almost certainly because he thinks he's going look like he's making a fuss over nothing and he doesn't want that; or because he doesn't want to 'negotiate' such a thing with someone who knows won't take it seriously/will laugh at him.

He understands your point and even agrees with it, but not enough to stand up for it.

Text the person yourself saying "not sure if you've had our RSVP yet, thanks so much for inviting us, we can't wait to celebrate with you! FYI I didn't take DH's name when we got married, my name is [Sarah Bloggs], not [Sarah DHBloggs]".

Job done. If it's still wrong, well you can't argue with stupid. Doesn't change your name to Sarah DHBloggs!

I think you're contradicting yourself a bit.

On the seating plan, your name will be visible to X number of people and it'll be wrong, yet you're ok with Y number of people sending you cards with the wrong name on because only you're seeing it? No, the sender is also seeing it.

Your husband's reaction was way OTT but I think so is yours. It's YOUR name. Why does he have to 'manage it' with his relatives?

Message the couple yourself. Or correct your name on the seating plan.

If it is THAT important that your name be correct, make it correct everywhere, including with his family. That's your job, not his.

Perhaps he hasnt told his family that you havent changed your name.

My ex said he wasnt fussed about me not taking his name but didnt tell anyone that I had kept my surname and never corrected his family. It came down to the fact that actually it DID bother him and thought it made him look bad and "less of a man" (yes he said that) when I didnt automatically change my name. His family were very surprised when I told them and he got very annoyed for me for not keeping my gob shut. Not because they cared, they didnt, but because he did.

He cant actually object logically, especially these days, to you keeping your name but wants to so is maybe pretending (at least, to his family) that you took his name. Macho pride bullshit thing.

I wouldn't care about the wrong name being used (especially my husband's distant relative who I rarely see) and no one is going to be looking at your name on the seating plan.

However if it's important to you your husband should be a bit nicer about it. Can you send back the RSVP and put a polite note in there?