Husband Won't Correct My Name

Think a previous poster had it right, he knows the family members are busy with their wedding and doesn’t want to hassle them with a common mistake. Honestly I’d just leave it. Does it really matter what surname his extended family think you have? For all your real use of it in records. ID’s etc it’s correct.

It’s a massive hassle to change your surname and I didn’t realize what a pain it would be! So it’s not easier on the other side easier!

I kept my maiden surname as a middle name and all my kids have it too that way it keeps my maiden surname in my family and it’s worked out really well!

Of course you’re upset he wouldn’t do something for you but if you look at it from his perspective he doesn’t want to hassle his family about it at a busy time. He might think they’ll get a bit irk’d a simple mistake has been highlighted back to then near enough straight away. I think that’s fair enough of him. You can correct others in person if it comes up in a much more natural light hearted way.

Why should she have to account for his feelings about HER name?

@nodramaplz Or perhaps her husband is in fact a decent man? You know, not a misogynist?

No you don't have to, however it's quite clear from the undeserved vitriol directed at OP just on this thread that actually it involves sticking your head above the parapet, being resolute in your choice, and taking some flack for it. Is it surprising many women just don't want to bother to fight it?
When have men ever been expected to change their names?
It isn't a level playing field.

My name is spelt incorrectly more often than not. There have been numerous variations of it all my life. The only person it’s embarrassing for is the misspeller. I’m resigned to spelling it every time I provide it.

Op
Have you ever thought of how he feels that you didn't take his name??
Did his feelings ever cross your mind?

So it’s better a woman the OP feels embarrassed when her name is spelled incorrectly at a public event?

There's a time and place to correct people. Like a work, perhaps.

A wedding invitation is not a big deal and the couple have more important things to think about than some woman who's upset they think she took her H's name.

Honestly, some people need to get a perspective and realise they aren't the centre of the universe.

I think if it were me, my reason for keeping my name is my reason and I wouldn't sweat the small stuff.
I wouldn't ask my hubby to text and put them straight. That's a bit embarrassing for him.

I’m with you OP. It’s your name, it should be spelled correctly - I bet if your DH’s name had been wrongly spelled as Eliot instead of Elliott, for example, he would’ve texted to have it changed.

Edit to add - what I mean is that if your name is Smith and your husband’s Johnson, addressing the invite to the 2 Johnsons is actually a misspelling. That is not how you write your name - because it’s not your name 😅

People on mumsnet get funny about their babies’ names being pronounced incorrectly or someone writing Katharine instead of Katherine. Somehow this preciousness about names does not apply to married women who still use their birth name? Because that’s what it is. The name we were born with, not a maiden name.

@Jmmi Not sure what you mean by society puts up barriers …….we haven’t made choices….
women don’t have to change their name and neither do men.

Every sympathy w you!

one small practical thing - you CAN pay in cheques made out to the wrong name, if you can be bothered to take your marriage certificate to the bank. They should then keep a record that will allow you to go on doing this in future.

(I didn’t change my name and it’s always annoyed me when my in laws call us Dr and Mrs Husband’s first name Husband’s second name - I’m also a Dr so there is literally NOTHING of me in that salutation)

You're making a mountain out of a molehill.

It's just not that important and you sound a bit 'up your own'.

I have friends who kept their maiden name, for professional reasons, but they don't really care if there are letters/ invites etc sent to Mr & Mrs Bloggs.

Most women do still change their name so the person sending the invite is following convention and may not even know you prefer Miss Bloggs.

@DelphiniumBlue I'd considered those twee stickers, but still people are bound to get it wrong. There is still an assumption that if you are married you are Mrs Hisname. I suppose because that is still the case for the vast majority.

It's a formal invite, so you send a formal reply : Mr James Smith and Ms Mary Jones are delighted to accept..etc. Or you could email your acceptance with an email signature showing your name correctly.
Maybe you could get those {twee} stickers to put on the outside of envelopes on your Christmas cards, showing the sender's name and address?

@LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway And why exactly do you think that is?!!!!

I'm with you 100 percent, OP. But if he doesn't make the correction, you definitely should. I kept my own name when I married. The only way that people will get it right is if they are corrected (politely of course). Most people want to get a person's name right as they understand it's a basic element of respect.

Your name - you correct it. Simple.

I have never known a man EVER change his surname to his wife's on marriage.

And I would certainly not think of any man who did that as 'awesome!' LOL, you do you though.

Totally right. Who really cares. He was probably annoyed you made way more of this then needed and then cried about it.

Massive overreaction. Move on.

For the record I kept my maiden name and don’t care at all when family members ‘get it wrong’.

@TempuraCustard Actually he is, when you consider how many men add/change their name upon marriage. I personally don't know of any? He recognises the patriarchy of the tradition which is more than 99.9% of the male population.

I kept my name when I married and sometimes people call me Mrs. Husbands name.
it’s annoying but I don’t make a big deal out of it.
and I wouldn’t correct them if I was introduced incorrectly unless I thought it was deliberate

Just correct it in the RSVP or send a quick text if the RSVP has already gone in without the correction. You will always get a few who insist on calling you Mrs DH on cards etc, even the odd person on your own side, believe it or not. You will even get cards sent to Mr & Mrs DH first name & surname! Best to rise above and ignore, but put your own name on anything you send them. I put my surname on any restaurant bookings I make for DHs side, then his parents invariably arrive early and are all confused if there’s no booking in their surname 🙄 gosh I wonder why?! 😂

My closest friend still addresses post to me as Mrs Hisname after nearly 25 years. I’m Ms Myname, always have been and always will be. At the end of the day it doesn’t matter to me, it’s words on an envelope.