Husband Won't Correct My Name

Same. But as we are the minority the fear amongst others that this is what happens is clearly still driving the “married woman = man’s identity” trend.

I for one see the irony of expecting a man to speak for his wife in asserting her refusal to follow patriarchal norms.

And if you say ‘it’s just etiquette because it’s his side of the family’ then that applies equally to the original invitation. The OP and her husband are also-ran guests at someone else’s wedding. It’s embarrassing to kick up a fuss about a minor issue that was not intentionally rude.

I agree with everything you've written except in the last two lines where you say "people" you really mean "women" - I think it is accepted that men's names should be correct! It's just women's that aren't as important, as seen by the pressure to drop them.

Don’t worry. Mine is still intact, despite my not changing my name 20 odd years ago.

By the way don't know if anyone else has commented but fully appreciating your username!

Oops I'd better go check on my husband

Because everyone knows that men are the dominant sex and should have all the recognition and power. If their women have opinions and make decisions to maintain their own identity, it means their penis falls off and all power is gone

If my name was Tracey but people invited me and called me Casey I don't think people would object to that being corrected?

What is embarrassing about it? Genuinely, I'm interested to know why someone would find this embarrassing.

Absolutely, the reaction is quite something. If it was just a simple case of "they've got my name wrong so I'll correct it" that would be one thing but it's not is it. OP has had to question if she's being unreasonable to ask her husband to ask his relatives to get her name right. No shade on OP here at all BTW. It shouldn't even be a question. There should be no pressure. It shouldn't be a big deal to say "hey by the way my name is "Ms Xyz" or whatever. But it is because people just can't get over it being OK for it to be important to get someone's name correct. It's not something people should just have to ignore and put up with because they know by Mrs ABC they mean them.

Yeah. It’s not some kind of ‘starter name’. It’s just a birth name. Like men’s.

Yes I think you are overreacting and your DH would be a bit embarrassed to correct it. Let it go and casually say to the family member that you have kept your surname when you see them.

OMG.

I didn't keep my maiden name. I kept my name. Full stop. You don't tell blokes they've kept their bachelor name.

Read it again.

How many men spend even a nanosecond considering changing their names when they marry? A tiny, tiny proportion because it isn’t expected/questioned in our society.

It is absolutely expected/assumed that women will, that children will have their father‘s surname and that mum will go part time after having them (assisted by the ever present gender pay gap which means it “doesn’t make sense” for men to reduce their working hours in the vast majority of cases).

The reaction here about a woman daring to be upset that she is being referred to by her husband’s full name shows you the societal pressure on women.

That too

You're making a massive fuss about this. They made an error and you're the one it bothers. It's simple to fix, so fix it.
Fwiw I'm married keeping my own name but regularly receive eg Xmas card with Mr & Mrs Hisname ... literally cannot muster the energy to point out it's mr hisname and Dr ribiera.
You name isn't the top of the brides worry list, it sounds like it is yours and if you're getting this her up you need to have a long hard look about what it says about your self identity.

The issue is that if you don't correct it, it keeps happening (and a wedding is where lots of people will potentially see it - eg on the seating plan)

It keeps happening if you do correct it. Our silver wedding is next year and people still call me Mrs Hisname. Mind you, he’s been called Mr Myname so often he just answers to it now. We’ve given up, it’s a minor thing to get annoyed about and it doesn’t change anything if you do.

@TempuraCustard Or how about women raise the bar and stop blindly following patriarchal traditions?

The issue is that if you don't correct it, it keeps happening (and a wedding is where lots of people will potentially see it - eg on the seating plan)

My son has a different name to me and his brother, and I have to make sure I correct whoever's name they get wrong (generally depending on who they meet first) because otherwise it gets out of control - eg he has qualification certificates in the wrong name, because for some reason, despite correcting more than once, the school still entered him under the wrong name (and to be clear, it is the wrong name, this isn't me changing his name part way along)

I totally get why you’re annoyed, but I think you should be the one to message the person that you would like to know about your name. You don’t need your husband to speak for you.

My first name has been spelled wrong on every single Christmas card I’ve had from our neighbours (there are various ways to spell my name, but it’s a well known British name and I use the standard spelling). I actually felt bad sending return cards with the correct spelling because it feels a little like I’m correcting them, which I get is completely ridiculous, but I understand why your husband doesn’t want to contact someone to correct them when they haven’t intended to cause upset. Again, I get that that is ridiculous, but I think you need to sort it yourself and not have him do it.

I took DHs name when we married and called the council tax to change it. Our bill now comes addressed to Mr hisname and Miss hisname like we’re brother and sister -and has done for a decade. I’m annoyed, but not enough to sit on the phone for however long.

What the hell

Embarrassing?!!

The stickers help

That doesn't make him awesome sorry. Women do it all the time. I'm sure he's lovely and it's nice he's not a jerk but we don't need to lower the bar for men here.