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AIBU?

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Original poster

Husband use of car horn!

59 replies

Merrygoround8 · 19/12/2024 19:39

Semi lighthearted but also genuinely curious as to who is BU!

When we are in the car, I find DH uses the horn every time we are in the car for indiscretions of other drivers, whether it impacts us or not. I am talking on 9/10 times we are in the car longer than 10 mins this will happen at least once. And I am not talking about using the horn if for instance someone was reversing in to us and needed to be alerted to us, it is 99% passive aggression around things he sees but could easily just ignore.

I find it so off putting. I have said countless times that I find this irritating and stressful - in my view, a honk is never going to make another driver sit back and reflect/be a better driver. They are either someone that already knows they’ve done wrong and it’s a mistake, or truly an arse who won’t care about their driving. So it just feels like a sort of vigilante crusade and arrogance to me.

The other element of this that irritates me is that when he sees a potential hazard, instead of immediately backing off he will continue almost as if he hasn’t seen it (leading me to panic!) and then assure me he can “judge the time and distance”. Meanwhile I’m having a heart attack! For instance today a lady didn’t give way to the right on a roundabout - yes, annoying and her error - but having noticed this he could have just held back and instead he continues and we end up close to this car, almost to intimidate the other person and make it very clear they were wrong. Yes she’s in the wrong but my instinct is just purely to back off and away from a hazard/irresponsible driver, whoever is at fault. I don’t want to be anywhere near it. I also don’t think you can ever judge the reaction times etc of another driver so in my mind, if there is a hazard, you slow down to avoid….. Because even if there is a collision, you want it to be as slow as possible!

He hasn’t had an accident and insists he is in control but it really bothers me. He points out that in these circumstances if there was a crash, the police would find the other person at fault. Whilst this is true in the legal sense, I also just don’t think it matters really if someone is injured and that’s my fear.

I’ve probably mentioned this for 10 years and said how I find the honking in particular unpleasant and pointless. He doesn’t seem to care about my experience of the journey if he is driving, it’s his discretion and his say.

We have young kids in the car also if relevant.

AIBU - driver discretion always
YANBU - he’s driving like an arse and/or should care about how his driving affects you

OP posts:
AhBiscuits · 19/12/2024 19:49

My DH drives in exactly the same way and I absolutely cannot stand it. It has been the source on many arguments because it drives me nuts.

NameChanges123 · 19/12/2024 19:47

malmi · 19/12/2024 19:45

I think you should bring your own horn on car journeys and beep it at him when he is being a dick

😂😂😂

Jaehee · 19/12/2024 19:47

He's breaking the highway code:

Rule 112
The horn. Use only while your vehicle is moving and you need to warn other road users of your presence. Never sound your horn aggressively

Is he an aggressive bully in other ways too?

Original poster
Merrygoround8 · 19/12/2024 19:46

GasPanic · 19/12/2024 19:43

Edit. Is he from the UK/was he taught to drive in the UK ?

Driving styles in other countries differ. In other countries for example the horn is used much more of a signal to warn people you are there than in the UK and people in some countries use their horn all the time when driving.

In the UK it is more generally used to signal displeasure when someone does something wrong.

TBH I think I have hit my horn once in the last year. Normally to me by the time I have figured out to hit it, the event that caused me to think about hitting it is over and done with and there is little point.

Edit : You are right to not want an accident. Because airbags going off in your face is not a particularly pleasant experience.

Edited

He is born and raised in the UK, where we are still.

OP posts:
IMustDoMoreExercise · 19/12/2024 19:46

It's bad enough that someone could be seriously needed by his stupid actions. But there's also the hassle of dealing with a claim. Even if the other person is in the wrong, sometimes it can go on for years.

He's a complete idiot if he thinks dealing with the aftermath of a road accident is easy.

malmi · 19/12/2024 19:45

I think you should bring your own horn on car journeys and beep it at him when he is being a dick

Bluevelvetsofa · 19/12/2024 19:45

There are times when, seeing someone about to drive dangerously, I would hold back, even if the other person is in the wrong. DH, not so much. I do think it’s a man thing.

GasPanic · 19/12/2024 19:43

Edit. Is he from the UK/was he taught to drive in the UK ?

Driving styles in other countries differ. In other countries for example the horn is used much more of a signal to warn people you are there than in the UK and people in some countries use their horn all the time when driving.

In the UK it is more generally used to signal displeasure when someone does something wrong.

TBH I think I have hit my horn once in the last year. Normally to me by the time I have figured out to hit it, the event that caused me to think about hitting it is over and done with and there is little point.

Edit : You are right to not want an accident. Because airbags going off in your face is not a particularly pleasant experience.

FionnulaTheCooler · 19/12/2024 19:42

He is driving like an arse, and will end up in an accident if he continues driving aggressively to teach others a lesson as in your roundabout example. Even if nobody is seriously injured dealing with the insurance claim is a total ball ache, maybe point that out to him.