Semi lighthearted but also genuinely curious as to who is BU!
When we are in the car, I find DH uses the horn every time we are in the car for indiscretions of other drivers, whether it impacts us or not. I am talking on 9/10 times we are in the car longer than 10 mins this will happen at least once. And I am not talking about using the horn if for instance someone was reversing in to us and needed to be alerted to us, it is 99% passive aggression around things he sees but could easily just ignore.
I find it so off putting. I have said countless times that I find this irritating and stressful - in my view, a honk is never going to make another driver sit back and reflect/be a better driver. They are either someone that already knows they’ve done wrong and it’s a mistake, or truly an arse who won’t care about their driving. So it just feels like a sort of vigilante crusade and arrogance to me.
The other element of this that irritates me is that when he sees a potential hazard, instead of immediately backing off he will continue almost as if he hasn’t seen it (leading me to panic!) and then assure me he can “judge the time and distance”. Meanwhile I’m having a heart attack! For instance today a lady didn’t give way to the right on a roundabout - yes, annoying and her error - but having noticed this he could have just held back and instead he continues and we end up close to this car, almost to intimidate the other person and make it very clear they were wrong. Yes she’s in the wrong but my instinct is just purely to back off and away from a hazard/irresponsible driver, whoever is at fault. I don’t want to be anywhere near it. I also don’t think you can ever judge the reaction times etc of another driver so in my mind, if there is a hazard, you slow down to avoid….. Because even if there is a collision, you want it to be as slow as possible!
He hasn’t had an accident and insists he is in control but it really bothers me. He points out that in these circumstances if there was a crash, the police would find the other person at fault. Whilst this is true in the legal sense, I also just don’t think it matters really if someone is injured and that’s my fear.
I’ve probably mentioned this for 10 years and said how I find the honking in particular unpleasant and pointless. He doesn’t seem to care about my experience of the journey if he is driving, it’s his discretion and his say.
We have young kids in the car also if relevant.
AIBU - driver discretion always
YANBU - he’s driving like an arse and/or should care about how his driving affects you