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Original poster

Boyfriend/Girlfriend Invitation Etiquette

67 replies

U53rName · 19/12/2024 16:59

What’s the etiquette on when to start inviting boyfriends/girlfriends to family events, like Christmas or family birthday celebrations? DNephew is in 6th Form and has had a GF for about a year. DH thinks we should invite her. GF is lovely and I would love for her to join us, and we can just squeeze one more person in space-wise. But am I opening Pandora’s Box here? We have several teens in the family, and if they all get BFs/GFs and we’ve set the expectation that BFs/GFs are invited to family events, we just won’t have the space. MIL is very old-fashioned and INSISTS that everyone sit at the dining room table—so there won’t be a possibility for the teens to spread out—we will just have to cross our fingers that only one teen has a BF/GF at a time, or there will be disappointment that one was allowed to, but others aren’t. This is the first GF in that generation of the family and I want to set out as I mean to go on, with fairness to all of the cousins in mind.

YABU = invite the GF
YANBU = don’t invite the GF

OP posts:
Ponderingwindow · 19/12/2024 18:11

At that age I would expect them to still be having Christmas with family. They are way too young to be doing the couple balancing act of my side or your side.

wait until people are living together, someone brings a relationship home from university or living far away to meet the family, or they are both 18+ and have been dating several years.

Missionimprobable · 19/12/2024 18:05

For Christmas, we used to bring the garden table in and put it at the end of the dining table.
At a squash, we could seat 16 people, borrowed chairs, some sitting on stools, it was a squeeze but fun.
Yes, invite the gf, the more the merrier!

ISeriouslyDoubtIt · 19/12/2024 17:59

I'd say from about 16/17 onwards if they've been together a year or so.
That's what we do in my extended family. My children and their cousins( now in 20s and 30s) have had various serious relationships since sixth form age and some are now married, the gf/bf were invited for Christmas, weddings, big birthdays etc, sometimes they came, sometimes not, depending on what their own families were doing, one cousin's girlfriend has come for Christmas day practically since they started going out as her parents had split and neither did anything nice for Christmas, so she loves our family get togethers.
Sometimes these relationships don't last, but others have gone on to get married, it's actually quite a good way of sussing out what the family thinks about a gf or bf.
My own son who is now married, been with his wife for 14 years since age 20, had a previous girlfriend from 15 to 19, that gf came to some boxing days, a family wedding, they were still at school then, and his now wife started coming to family events after about a year, she didn't come for Christmas day itself until several years into their relationship and then they alternated.
If your child feels serious about the person I think it's nice to invite them to the family events.

TheNameIsDickDarlington · 19/12/2024 17:45

U53rName · 19/12/2024 17:08

For my house?! 😂

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If it's your house why would MIL get to insist anything? Just allow people to spread out and not have everyone at the table.

If MIL has a problem then she can host next time.

Original poster
U53rName · 19/12/2024 17:42

Thanks everyone. Reading these replies has made me think I’ll hold off this year. They are still in 6th form, and it’s a sit-down meal at the table together. I still remember how intimidated I was the first time I came to one of these events at the table with DH’s family, and I was 26! It would be pretty scary for a 17 year-old—everyone staring at you.

OP posts:
Autumn38 · 19/12/2024 17:40

U53rName · 19/12/2024 17:08

For my house?! 😂

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Exactly. MIL doesn’t get to dictate how you do things in YOUR house. I think I’d be flexible, move with the times and be welcoming if people want to bring partners. If that means a buffet then a buffet it is.

Spondoolies · 19/12/2024 17:40

Could she come after the meal if you are having drinks and games (if you are that type of family 😄)

TempuraCustard · 19/12/2024 17:37

Mollzzie · 19/12/2024 17:34

How strange.

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Fair enough. I think it says hey come to a random relative of your boyfriend's house because you must not have any where else you'd rather be.

TheGoogleMum · 19/12/2024 17:35

I would ask nephews parents what they think on this one

PinkTonic · 19/12/2024 17:35

I wouldn’t have wanted mine to start being treated as a unit at that age so I wouldn’t invite a bf/gf of a relative. In the future as they grow older and start coupling up you could host more buffet style if space is limited.

Mollzzie · 19/12/2024 17:34

TempuraCustard · 19/12/2024 17:29

Yeah I think it is when it's some relations girlfriend and they're young.

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How strange.

Cosyblankets · 19/12/2024 17:34

U53rName · 19/12/2024 17:08

For my house?! 😂

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If it's your house then you decide not the mother in law!

titchy · 19/12/2024 17:32

Surely it's up to his parents to decide what's appropriate - whichever one is your/your dh's sibling? Not really up to you to invite her.

Chillilounger · 19/12/2024 17:32

I would invite to all events except Christmas but maybe do a pre Christmas? In our family at least it only tends to be when people are engaged/ married/ have kids that they come for Christmas day (you don't want to rush into the whole alternating thing you'll only see your ds every other year then and 6th form is really young for that.

RedHelenB · 19/12/2024 17:30

Under 18s or still at school I wouldn't.

TempuraCustard · 19/12/2024 17:30

Also going to make it harder when they break up

lazyarse123 · 19/12/2024 17:29

Maybe ask bil/sil if they would like you to invite her. Seems a nice thing to do. I'm afraid mil would have to live with it. Not her house not her decision.

TempuraCustard · 19/12/2024 17:29

Mollzzie · 19/12/2024 17:27

It's rude to invite someone for boxing day? This place is crazy at times.

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Yeah I think it is when it's some relations girlfriend and they're young.

Original poster
U53rName · 19/12/2024 17:28

itsmylife7 · 19/12/2024 17:25

You've answered your own question.

So if next year three of them have girl/boyfriends.... what will happen with three extra people.

That’s my worry, as we’ll
have set the precedent that BFs/GFs are invited. If they are all in romances next Boxing Day, I guess it will be that none are invited.

OP posts:
Mollzzie · 19/12/2024 17:27

TempuraCustard · 19/12/2024 17:20

Yeah it think it's a bit weird your DH wants to invite her. It's presuming she doesn't have anything to do and is a bit rude tbh.

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It's rude to invite someone for boxing day? This place is crazy at times.

MounjaroOnMyMind · 19/12/2024 17:25

Invite them. If the bf or gf is nice, it's a nice addition to the party. If they are not, they should still be invited because it's a chance for others to see their behaviour in action. Sometimes seeing your drongo of a boyfriend alongside your cousins and uncles can give you some perspective.

Your MIL is silly to think the family will always stay the same shape and size. Maybe the meal should become a buffet, or a bigger table bought, or whatever, but she has to accept things change.

itsmylife7 · 19/12/2024 17:25

You've answered your own question.

So if next year three of them have girl/boyfriends.... what will happen with three extra people.

Original poster
U53rName · 19/12/2024 17:23

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 19/12/2024 17:20

My 18 and 20 year olds have a bf/gf and they've been invited to family events at Christmas and vice versa.

Also, why do you let MIL insist anything if she's not even hosting? If she wants everyone at the table then she can host herself and do that!

From what age did you start to include them?

Don’t even get me started on MIL….!

OP posts:
CandyCane457 · 19/12/2024 17:22

If it’s your nephews girlfriend, I’d leave it up to his parents/him to mention it, if they want her to come. Also your MIL should have zero say on whether everyone sits at the table or not in your house.

Original poster
U53rName · 19/12/2024 17:21

Normandy144 · 19/12/2024 17:16

It's the OP's nephew though, not her son. I think at that stage of life I wouldn't invite the girlfriend. I had a boyfriend at that age and found going to his family for Christmas awful, I just wanted to be with my own family.

Maybe you’r right. I don’t want to overwhelm her on Boxing Day…it’s DH who’s saying it’s rude not to invite her, because the last 3 times we’ve been to BIL/SIL’s events at their home, the GF has been invited. (But it is DN’s home, so a different kettle of fish.) Perhaps this is putting a bit of adult pressure on a teen romance.

OP posts: