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Original poster

Dh meeting female colleague for a drink

184 replies

Bookish01 · 19/12/2024 13:54

My dh of 20 years is very sociable and has lots of friends. He recently gave a female colleague a lift home from work and since then they’ve arranged to meet for a lunchtime drink soon. She’s about 10 years younger, single parent. She usually gets lifts with another male colleague and assume will continue to do so when their car is fixed.
Dh always been faithful and trustworthy. I’m in a bit of a weird place emotionally and lacking a lot of self confidence recently probably due to empty nest syndrome.
I said to him that I feel uncomfortable with his plans to meet her and he’s not responded well and said I’ve got nothing to worry about and he should be allowed to meet a mate, male or female. He’d be fine with me doing the same.
Aibu to ask him not to meet her? (It won’t go down well)

OP posts:
Original poster
Bookish01 · 19/12/2024 14:01

Mudflaps · 19/12/2024 13:59

I think it's your self esteem that is the issue here and not your husband having lunch with a colleague, would you have the same feeling if she was 20 years old than him and married?

I think it’s because things have been really rocky recently and it’s because he’s good friends with another female colleague and they’re in touch a lot out of work not socially but messaging. Again, all completely innocent but I struggle with it. I don’t want him to think I’m controlling him

OP posts:
ExtraOnions · 19/12/2024 14:01

…why do women think that other women are remotely interested in thier partner ? Is like all women are predatory, and waiting to pounce on the next available man. Or maybe women are so weak-willed, that one flicker of interest off a man, and they jump into bed with him.

Mudflaps · 19/12/2024 13:59

I think it's your self esteem that is the issue here and not your husband having lunch with a colleague, would you have the same feeling if she was 20 years old than him and married?

Original poster
Bookish01 · 19/12/2024 13:58

JimHalpertsWife · 19/12/2024 13:55

He says he is fine you doing the same because its all hypothetical. Do it. Book a drink with a male colleague. Or say you are then take yourself off alone to the movies or meet a girlfriend.

See how he actually feels.

He would genuinely be fine with this

OP posts:
Original poster
Bookish01 · 19/12/2024 13:58

AbigailsPartyFrock · 19/12/2024 13:57

What’s your concern? I assume you think he’ll cheat/want to cheat? Why do you think that?

Because she’s a single parent, do you think she’ll jump on any man who gives her the time of day?

FWIW, this wouldn’t be a problem in my marriage- I have no issues with my husband going for lunch or drinks with a female friend or colleague, and he’s the same with me. I frequently meet male colleagues for lunches etc due to the nature of my job. It would never dawn on me that my husband would have an issue with it.

Thanks, that feels reassuring

OP posts:
Oreosareawful · 19/12/2024 13:57

Hmm, I have to say I agree with him.
You either trust him or you don't?

I am going to my works xmas party tomorrow and will be drinking all afternoon with my male colleagues. My husband doesn't bat an eyelid because he trusts me.

AbigailsPartyFrock · 19/12/2024 13:57

What’s your concern? I assume you think he’ll cheat/want to cheat? Why do you think that?

Because she’s a single parent, do you think she’ll jump on any man who gives her the time of day?

FWIW, this wouldn’t be a problem in my marriage- I have no issues with my husband going for lunch or drinks with a female friend or colleague, and he’s the same with me. I frequently meet male colleagues for lunches etc due to the nature of my job. It would never dawn on me that my husband would have an issue with it.

Biroclicker · 19/12/2024 13:56

I wouldn't ask him not to meet. I'd ask to come along too, bright and perky as if you just want to meet this fabulous woman and have fun with him on a lunch out. Even better, assume the lunch date was all of you and just go along. His reaction to that will tell you everything you need to know.

JimHalpertsWife · 19/12/2024 13:55

He says he is fine you doing the same because its all hypothetical. Do it. Book a drink with a male colleague. Or say you are then take yourself off alone to the movies or meet a girlfriend.

See how he actually feels.