Dh meeting female colleague for a drink

My wife goes out for drinks with her male colleages often. Sometimes as a group, usually one to one. She loves them. They take the piss out of her, and have her in stitches. I'm sure all of them fancy her to some extent, she's pretty, and funny, why wouldn't they? You just have to trust, and recognise that your person comes home to you. No second chances for infidelity though.

You have every right to feel uneasy but in this circumstance it’s important to demonstrate trust, even if you are struggling. The best thing to do is let him go, not kick up a fuss, but then keep that communication open. Talk to him afterwards about how it was difficult for you and this is an area you aren’t feeling strong in right now. What you’re doing is underlining you DO and will trust, but letting him reassure and support you. He will feel a lot better to do it, too, knowing he isn’t being caged in and you’re taking the steps to take responsibility for your feelings on it.

You feel how you feel but the issue is why you feel like that.

I meet male friends and colleagues for drinks; my partner meets female friends and colleagues for drinks. My social circle is similar. Meeting someone of the regardless of their sex outside of work for a catch up is pretty normal IMO and wouldn't make me jealous or worried.
So what does worry you this time? What else is going on in your life or your relationship to make you concerned?

Batshit post of the day!

Probably.

Although I am fairly unattractive now (thanks to the ravages of health etc) and my 20 years older ex boss still meets me regularly for a coffee

I think it's a friendship based on mutual respect rather than anything else . His wife seems fine with it, my husband is fine with it

That said, instinct tells me he may well have come out as gay if he had been born 20 years later, so maybe that's why his wife doesn't see me as a threat!

If you don't like it for what ever reason i think i would be upset if my husband still wanted to meet her knowing it upset me - regardless you can't help how you feel and i don't subscribe to this being the "cool wife" either its about respect you

Christ, what a nasty, insecure, needy and unnecessary post. You need to get a grip of yourself.

No, not at all. If it happened all the time it would be an issue but if my partner genuinely said they felt insecure I’d put their feelings first.

I’m agog at these responses. If my husband said he wanted to come with me when out with my friends, male or female I’d be horrified. Do people really do this. Tag along and not let their partners, male or female go out alone.

Wow would you really? You’d just drop a friend as your bloke said he was jealous and insecure. Does no part of you see what’s wrong with That?

This is good - if he doesn’t want you there, why not? What will they be discussing that should be kept strictly between the two of them? If it was another man then the dynamic would arguably be off and understandable if he didn’t want you there but be interesting to hear his reasoning in this scenario

Telling your spouse he truth about how you feel shouldn’t pull you apart, it should bring you closer. Why not just be frank and honest? I don’t understand why a friend is more important than a spouse. If my spouse said they were feeling insecure I’d drop a friend straight away.

What nonsense, I go out for a drink with younger male colleagues on the regular.

do people really think like this, it’s like something out a Jane Austin novel. Men and women can’t be friends, good grief.

You asking/telling him not to go is not going to prevent an affair if he is so inclined but is likely to widen the gap between you and actually have the opposite effect to the one you want. His intentions may or may not be pure but trying to control him definitely isn't the answer.

I work with men, and I socialise with them, if my husband tried ro control me and tell me I wasn’t allowed, I am not sure our marriage would survive, I would not tolerate him deciding who I was allowed to be friends with.

I understand you’ve mental health issues with self esteem and I guess jealousy. But these are yours to manage, if you think your husband will cheat, then sort that out, banning him socialising with women will not be the solution you think

and I’d reconsider your views that as this woman is single and friendly with her colleagues she’s your husbands for the taking. That’s unpleasant.

You can't control what he can do and who he can see.
You can control your reaction to it.

You either trust him or you don't. If you trust him, no problem. If you don't.......

I wouldn’t be comfortable with your situation.

Conversely I regularly have lunch with a male ex colleague - the difference being we are both happily married and have met each others’ partners on multiple occasions so everyone knows it’s a ‘cranky sibling’ dynamic rather than anything flirty.

What specifically is ot that worries you?

Her age?
The fact age is single?

On the surface, you are being unreasonable and he is right that he can go for a drink with a friend and it shouldn't matter regardless of whether said friend is male or female.

But, you feel how you feel. What you need to figure out is it this because he has given you cause to think he might cheat or because you feel like she is better than you because she is younger etc.

Are you sure men don’t ever want to go for a drink with an ugly old bird, on a platonic basis?

I'm meeting an ex colleague, male for a drink tomorrow. Wouldn't occur to me not to. We worked together for 20 odd years and it's a Christmas catch up. If my husband told me I couldn't (not that I would ask his permission in the first place), I'd be pretty pissed off.

Edit - and oh god, don't invite yourself along

I often have drinks / lunch / dinner with male colleagues. Means nothing, just a chance to vent or gossip with people who have similar professional experiences.

I have also been the young, single mum who rarely made female friends because I was treated with suspicion. So my friends were mostly men. And that made women more suspicious, just a vicious circle.

Having said all that, keep an eye on things from a distance and listen to your spidey senses. No man is immune to cheating.

Definitely don't take the advice of a PP and invite yourself to the drinks, you will look like a complete loon.

If she was ugly and he didn’t think she was attractive - there is ZERO chance they would be going for a drink. ZERO.

It’s most likely his little middle age ego boost.

This isn’t some old time friend - it’s a young most likely vulnerable woman who works at his place who he gave a lift to now thinks he can get a shag out of it or an ego boost.

Im embarrassed for him

Your feelings matter. Even if they’re irrational. If your husband hears that you’re feeling a bit insecure, he should put you first and not go. He shouldn’t dismiss your feelings and put his friend first. I’d just tell him not to go. You are number one, that’s it.

I go for dinner and drinks with a male friend, my husband does the same with a female friend.

I haven't met the husbands friend just due to logistics but my husband has met my friend loads since he will often come round to meet me when we go out or he will come over for a coffee on occasion.

You can never prevent anybody from cheating, only they themselves can do that.