Dh meeting female colleague for a drink

Honestly, I would have no problem with this. My husband has lots of female friends and close female Co-workers who I wouldn't think twice about him going for a drink with. But I trust him and also feel that if he was going to cheat being jealous and weird wouldn't stop him. The issue here is that you don't trust him surely?

Also - we met up after we no longer worked together too.

I’ve been friends with a male colleague - I was around 15 years younger- it was 1000% platonic. We’ve met for meals and drinks etc, absolutely nothing untoward about it whatsoever! I was happily married, as was he and we just got on 🤷‍♀️

God how embarrassing
like a cat pissing to mark its territory

I mean, all my friends bar one is male. All my colleagues bar one is male. If I wasn't allowed to socialise with them alone as DH was paranoid it would isolate me a lot.

My DH has many female friends, some he's known for his whole life, some new and I never bat an eyelid when he's alone with them. Why would I? He loves me and shows me this every day.

He isn't taking the colleague for lunch - they are meeting up for a lunch time drink.

I liunch with colleagues regularly - I missed the memo that because I'm in a male dominated industry I should avoid spending any time with them and leave the boys to network together.

I've survived decades of doing this without ever jumping on any of them.

I am not sure about this. I have male colleagues who I am friends with and occasionally go to lunch with but I have known them a long time and that platonic closeness has built up. I actually do find it a bit weird that they have arranged a one on one lunch so soon if they just started to get to know each other. Having lunch in the work canteen on the fly together because you both happen to be there, fine. A pre-arranged lunch, slightly odd. Unless they specifically want to catch up about a work related thing.

Does he take you out for lunch?

me too, I think some people as they haven’t experienced it, don’t think it’s feasible unless there is some ulterior motive. I regularly go out with my male colleagues, often one on one, be it drinks or even dinner.

it would be very lonely if I wasn’t allowed as I was a woman. But the men can.

i honestly thought we had progressed. Accepted women in the workplace and wanted them treated equally. But apparently not, we can onky socialise with other women or be excluded.

I work in IT and DH is in education, and my workplace is mainly men and his is mainly women. I will meet male colleagues for an occasional drink, exchange messages and he does the same with his female colleagues. One woman on his team he's matey with is gorgeous. Likewise he may notice one or two of my work friends are attractive. I've been cheated on in my previous relationship and I've completely changed my outlook on these things, if DH cheats on me then obviously I'd be devastated but I hope he's faithful to me because he loves me and has morals, and can be just friends with the opposite sex as much as I'm capable of doing the same, not because I've kept him in a cage or shielded him from being tempted. I think it's insightful you've recognised your low self esteem and empty nest syndrome and I think you should focus a bit more time on what you enjoy doing and being kinder to yourself.

You’ll get a 1000 responses saying “I’d be fine with it/you either trust him or you don’t/I meet my male friends all the time” etc etc.

but as a previous poster stated, it wouldn’t be happening if she wasn’t attractive to him - or if she was Arthur from accounts.

There are posts here every week of people saying “my DH was the least likely person to have an affair” so trust your gut on this one. It’s the fact that she’s a new colleague and he’s arranging social meet ups.

I’d let it go for now but keep an eye on it. If he does fancy her, there’s nothing you can do to stop it but be aware in case the worst happens and you need your ducks in a row.

This is absolutely spot on.

Good for you.
You are talking about your situation, not OP's.
For a start her DH is arranging a one -to -one meet up with a woman 10 years younger than himself. And she is not " happily married", she is a single parent. And she is apparently someone her DH has just become close to.
So how does your situation inform OP about what is happening in her life?

I would feel uneasy too, and don’t blame you for feeling insecure about it. It’s a one to one regular arrangement, and I wouldn’t be happy, and don’t believe other wives would be either. It’s so easy for one thing to lead to another an emotional affair, perhaps leading to a physical affair. I think he’s hurtful and inconsiderate of your feelings.

I wouldn't want DH there in this situation not because I have anything to hide, but because it would be super weird and controlling for him to invite himself along to my lunch with a work friend, where they don't know each other at all, may well not like each other, and we won't be able to talk about work or anything work-related without leaving him out. It would make it a totally different social encounter with a totally different, and much worse, dynamic. Not to mention imply that apparently he thinks I'll fuck anything that moves unless he babysits me.

Bloke hasnt tried to shag you, therefore he must be gay right.......

This would annoy me if my DH never took me out for lunch/drinks. Do you ever go out like this together, OP?

He told you about it, so there is that. He isn’t hiding it like a guilty person would be inclined to.

I wouldn't be happy at all...ten years younger and single....what a cliché

I’m the only female in my team and it would be a lonely workplace if none of the men were allowed to socialise with me. I’m happily married, as are they (as far as I know- we don’t talk about the state of our relationships), I travel a few times a year with the team and someone always makes sure I get back to my room safely (never come in or invited in) and we have lovely, genuine, working relationships that are friendly.

It's probably because many,many of us on here have learned the hard way. My husband left me and our two boys aged 3 and 2 for a 17 year old from work. She was just a colleague, I shouldn't be so paranoid, so old fashioned, I should trust him. Blah fucking blah. He'd been fucking her for months.

He may be totally trustworthy, but spending hours with an attractive (possibly available) younger woman, chatting about all sorts of stuff and having a few drinks can lead to a level of friendship that can drift into something more. As a one off I would let it go, if it was being repeated I would be concerned. Having an odd lunch with several colleagues is a different thing, even if it ends up one to one on an occasion. Meeting up with an old friend is also a different thing, if anything was going to happen it probably did back in the day and is now in the past, or it was never that sort of friendship.

FWIW being the female friend in this sort of scenario where the male friends’ wife gets insecure and doesn’t want them to meet up is quite horrible too.
Ive lost 2 very long friendships with men when they got married and their wives decided they were no longer allowed to meet up with me.
I think this would be the difference for me though too. If he has been friends with this work colleague for a long time and has decided to go for a drink with her because of the connection from giving her a lift, I would be less worried. I would just assume she was saying thank you to her friend by buying him a drink.
If she’s a shiny new work colleague or he wasn’t friends with her before giving her the lift, then I would be more suspicious.

But why make if is problem? You understand the issue is your mental health, you know you’re doing something about it, hopefully you get better, but why try to emotionally manipulate him into not going.

do you see how much bad feeling this would cause. Either way he will resent you. He works with this woman. Quite frankly if he wants to cheat, he will, stopping him having a drink won’t change that. He sees her at work. He can go out with her any time and you won’t know. He can even just lie and aappease you.

why not recognise it’s your issue, and not make it his problem?

I suppose it very much depends on the grand scheme of things. When my DH has free time he takes me out for lunch. He also goes with female and male colleagues but as a group. Going out one to one will imply very special close friendship for him. There is an old female friend who will be in this category and if she will visit our town I can easily imagine them go out together for lunch but going out in your circumstances will be very out of character for my DH, however it might be normal for yours.

My husband has lots of female friends always has done. I wouldn't be at all concerned if he met a female colleague for lunch or a drink - he often does. I trust him. I actually like the fact he's always had female friends. I think it shows he sees women as human beings rather than just something to sex with. I find it a bit weird when men only have male friends. I wonder how much they understand women.
I just have this attitude that if DH is going to cheat he will do and me worrying about it makes no difference. If he wants to throw away 23 years of marriage then that's his mistake. I can't see it happening though.