To distance myself from my best friend who is just as lovely and caring as ever?

Sorry if i am being dense here but if the OP stops responding to messages and the friendship peters out then why would that be on the OPs friend?

You’re in different places in your lives, but that’s not a bad thing. Don’t let a good friendship die - you will need her when your kid is older and your SAHM life becomes redundant.

I don't think you're being unreasonable for not wanting constant updates about everything she does. She sounds a bit full on and a bit needy. Keep being friends but just take a step back and don't respond to every single message from her. She sounds a bit insecure at this time but it's maybe just a time in her life. I would keep the friendship open.

So in other words it’s one single tiny disagreement strike and she’s out?!? Wow

Yeah it sounds like you're tired and busy with your real life serious responsibilities and basically have another child to look after.

Contacting you constantly about trivial things while your trying to deal with a baby isn't endearing its annoying. Why are you expected to pick her dinner for her or admire her nail polish... its like having a 6 year old going 'mummy, mummy, watch me' while your legitimately busy.

If it was your husband demanding constant attention for silly little things like that and making digs disguised as 'jokes' about you being tired when you been up all night with a sick baby people would say hes a man baby. Its not magically different for friends, siblings or anyone else either.

Entertaining her co-dependent needs (because she hasn't grown up yet and has too much time to kill) is not your responsibility and if its too much you are allowed to put yourself first.

Maybe she thinks she is helping you 'stay connected' now that you are a 'full time SAHM'.
I send my Mum similarly mundane messages constantly as i know she is at home (as a carer for my terminally ill father) so i imagine she must be bored at home. Your friend sounds like a good friend that maybe thinks she is helping.

You don't have to be living the same life, to have a friendship with someone? I keep in touch with friends who are purposefully without children, and always find it interesting to know what they've been up to, plus I care about them as people, so am interested in how they are.

Also remember, in the course of a lifetime, the baby years are very short. Ten years max for most people. You may find you have more common interests / more time & energy gor the friendship, once these years are behind you. I wouldn't jack a whole friendship like this in over a flippant comment, and a cba attitude where you're tired - longstanding friendships like this are rare and precious.

Your friend sounds lovely.

I think you would be mad to throw this friendship away simply because you can't imagine how awful it must be to be childless. When your child is less all consuming you will still need friends - if you carry on like this, all you will have are superficial mum friends and all you have in common are your kids. What happens when the kids are no longer so time consuming?

However if your friend wants a friendship where it's all more reciprocated, let her move on.

Hi OP I completely understand where you are coming from here, when you are a mum to young children the things that amused you before are not as interesting to you. Also you can't have long chats on the phone / spend lots of time texting when your child is waiting for their lunch / a cuddle / attention or whatever. I would dial down the friendship and not reply every time, especially to texts about her lunch and onions! If the friendship peters out then that is on her. Just say you don't have as much time to text at the moment but you will check your messages when you can! Light and breezy! But I get where you are coming from, friendships come and go and sometimes work for periods of time and then not others. It is normal for things to dial down when you are in different seasons. It does seem a bit odd to be texting that much though... even with a close friend... but maybe that is just me!

Agree with this

OP I think I would definitely just speak to her about how you haven't got the bandwidth to be on the phone all day anymore. I wouldn't throw away the friendship but I would take steps to stop being in constant contact with each other.

Do you think it's just the constant chatter? I don't think I could cope with that. Maybe you'll feel better about the friendship in smaller doses.

I don't think it sounds like a huge deal.
You'd been doing something one way for years.
Something happened and you had the opportunity to try out a different way and you discovered you really like the new way.

You can still be friends but maybe talk to her about how often you are able to chat/get together.

More than slightly, the OP’s posts are dripping with it.

“I can't think of anything worse (for me!) than to be childless, it's everything I've ever wanted.”

The (for me!) is fooling no one. It all sounds so judgy and like you can’t possibly find her life interesting as shes not doing something as ImPoRtAnT as being a mother. Her interests and her friendship were good enough for you previously. She is going out of her way to continue to be your friend and take an interest in your child, which not many would do.

I would find that level of friendship suffocating. It sounds really needy, constantly contacting you like that but it seems that you both enjoyed this and now you no longer do. You have a child, your mind is probably exploding with all the responsibilities you have not to mention lack of sleep and lack of personal time. In the midst of all this she wants to tell you about her nail varnish. Of course it feels trivial to you. I would feel the same.

Your lives are just really different right now and you don't have the time or energy to invest so much into your friendship. I think this is OK but also not her fault. Maybe try to reduce the constant correspondence and arrange less frequent but more quality time. If you hadn't heard from her in a while you would probably have been delighted with her visit. Don't let her go, she sounds like a good friend but she needs to understand you are not as available as you were. Talk to her, explain you may not be able to keep up with daily contact. If you still feel that disconnect after a few months maybe there is something else but I reckon it's just too much for you right now.

I think most friends where one has a child and the other doesn't go through some version of this change of dynamic.

You need to examine the argument and how it made you feel. Did it reveal something about her or her views that you dislike?

This is good advice. I've had the way I felt about a friend changed by one comment, and it would sound both petty and insane if I repeated the comment, but for myself it was useful to pinpoint why it got to me so much. She is not a bad person but I understand why I now feel we are just going through the motions and it has the potential to turn ugly if I say the wrong thing or question her judgement in any way.

I think your lives are at different stage and at the moment you’re in a bit of a young mum bubble with your toddler, so maybe the chat feels a bit insignificant or you feel it’s bursting the bubble a bit.

BUT

One day your DC will be a teenager who thinks you’re the most annoying person they’ve ever met. You might also start feeling a bit over being mum all the time and want to start spending more time on other things. Your kids will leave home. You might have a breakdown in your marriage or health issues. That’s when you need friends, good ones, and lots of them.

So don’t cut her off or faze her out- for now at least- as you’ll change over time and so will she.

But why does reading her messages mean you have to pick and choose to do stuff with your child instead? Of course you will do stuff with your child and go to the park over reading a message... that doesn't mean when you have 2 mins or 5 mins to spare you can't read the message and reply. Your friend isn't asking you to pick her message over her child and it sounds like she adores your LO...

For someone who doesn’t have any interest in children/marriage/being a homebody to still make so much effort with you and your child she must really like you. Lots of friendships dissipate entirely at this age due to the fact that it’s very 50/50 people living the white picket fence life with babies vs partying in Ibiza and spending their free time socialising (both totally acceptable ways to live life and equally fulfilling in different ways).

There’s always lots of posts I see online of women feeling abandoned when they become a mother before their friend(s) so if there’s not been a major issue it sounds like you might be shooting yourself in the foot by ditching this one when she clearly does want to spend time with you.

Don’t make any rash decisions, it’s pretty normal for people to go through phases of slightly getting on your nerves for whatever reason and then a few weeks later you see them again and really enjoy having them around.

Sounds like you have fallen out of love with her

Not in a romantic way, but you know sometimes it happens in friendships too

You sound really judgemental of your friend for not wanting what you want (i.e. kids). The row sounds like it was one you were dying to have with her, to show her she “doesn’t get it” because you’re a parent now.

You sound like a shit pal and your friend would be better off without you. You'll be on here in a few years time complaining that you’ve no mates because you were so busy being a “full time mum”.

It worked for me and one of my friends. Constant messages and phone calls when you have a toddler and a job is too much. I just told her I would be on my phone less.

I think without realising we make a lot of issues for ourselves, for example if OP just put boundaries in place and spoke to her friend less she would most likely find a lot of her issues would be solved.

This is excellent advice. You are just at different stages of life and need to find some balance than works for both. Less contact is definitely something you need.

It comes across like you're looking down on her a bit for having different areas of focus in her life than you. She's done nothing wrong so cutting her out would be mean - as others say if its the level of contact that's getting you down then set some new boundaries in a kind way. People talk about feeling lonely as a parent but it can be lonely thenother way round too, feeling out of step with your friends (whether through choice or otherwise) and it sounds like she's trying hard to keep the connection. Be a little empathetic.