To distance myself from my best friend who is just as lovely and caring as ever?

I would just hang up if a friend called me to talk about her nail polish. Maybe it's the futility of your conversations that put the nail in the coffin?

You’ve grown up, OP, kids do that to you! She hasn’t made that step so basically you have less in common than you did.

Good friends are very hard to find, she sounds like a good one. I remember that I thought parenting was hard before I had my wee one, I never realised quite how hard and she won't know, however you won't have small kids forever and you'll want this friendship back later in life.
It's only been a week and even if you don't think it, it sounds like you need a bit more time to get over what happened.

My daughter has a friend like this. She won't even come into the house if the children are running around. They still manage fun nights out.

If I was OP's friend , I would want to end the friendship if I realised she no longer enjoyed my company and was telling strangers what I said . Very patronising .

Your description of her messages make them sound very one sided, like it's always her asking you to talk about her day/ life. Is that the case or did you also used to message her with the minute details of your day?

I would find any friend who needed that much from me quite tiring! Perhaps you now just (quite rightly) have something more important to focus on and don't have the time/ head space / desire that much inane chatter.

It sounds like she hasn't realised that your priorities have changed and perhaps it's time to talk to her about that. I wouldn't just try to fade her out and I wouldn't cut her off completely either, one day you might be very grateful for a long standing, close friend.

Personally I think it’s great that your friend is as in touch with you as always and involves your child. She sounds lovely.

However, you sound a little superior OP.

Recently I went off a very old and very close friend. I couldn't understand it either. She hadn't done anything. I think she just wasn't what I needed at that particular time in my life and I started to feel irritated. However, I didn't act on my feeling, just acknowledged it to myself. And now I seem to be getting over it. So I'd give it time, see how things develop and see how your feelings might change. I'm sure the friendship has endured many challenges over the years.

Cut her off and you may find your ennui continuing

I’d let her go OP. It’ll allow her to find friends who don’t think they are superior to her and her ‘frivolous’ ways.

Could it be that you have lost yourself a little bit? I think that often happens with sahm/sahd’s. Their whole world revolves around their child and they don’t get a break by seeing colleagues and talking about non-child focused things. Their friends lives go in a different direction and because you are in your bubble with your child that’s all you can care about. When you list things you want to do it’s all child friendly/child centred things. None of it is focused on your needs or things that I assume you liked to do before you had a child. That person is still there and needs to come out once in a while.

There are so many posts on here about women who's childless friends have dropped them or left them out once they had kids - this friend sounds lovely and she loves you and your dd - I just think appreciate what you have. Perhaps you need a night out to reconnect as friends.

Personally I’m quite surprised so many people think “she sounds lovely”. She sounds like someone who would irritate me. But maybe that says more about me than anything else!

I wouldn’t make a decision about anything one way or the other. Maybe just let things drift a bit and see what happens.

And some people wonder why they end up isolated when they have children...

Outing? Highly doubt your friend is on mumsnet!

I wouldn't let this friendship drift just because you're at different stages of life now. The toddler years pass quickly and you will want to get back to your "adult" friendships and your identity as a mother. I know I did, and I cherish those friendships now (we're 48 and most of the kids are adults/teens) even though for years I was one of the only ones who was a mum (I started early).

Your priorities have shifted and so they should. I think if she'd replied that she was sorry your kid was ill and hoped you were both ok soon and then checked back to see if that was the case, you'd be on the same playing field. But you're not.

I would not do anything to drop this friend but I would explain to her that your priorities HAVE changed and that there may be times that the kid comes first because they are ill and you've not slept and you cancel. And that this should not become a bone of contention but rather understood to be the new normal for you. Don't present it as an ultimatum, but just let her know it. You may find she backs off a little and takes it on board and you can keep your friendship but at a less intense-daily-text kind of level.

She just hasn't worked it out yet, while you have and that is the disconnect you're feeling, I think.

Honestly I am mid-50s and just recently dumped a friend I've had for literally 40 yrs because they have belittled me and been selfish that entire time. It took one incident for me to realize I'd had enough and I feel free. But this situation you have is not the same as that at all.

I think deep down her comment has upset you from disagreement hence why you don't feel the same

@housethatbuiltme ”real life serious responsibilities”- bolt with that patter!
Poor friend is doing what she and OP have always done, she doesn’t realise she’s doing anything to annoy the OP, and the OP places such little value on their friendship she can’t be bothered asking her to tone it down about, and instead is condescending about her life to a forum full of strangers?
Only one of them sounds like a grown up to me.

Looking at it from your friend’s pov - I suspect the week’s break scared her a little, and now there’s a tiny element of desperateness in her communications, which you’re finding grating and irksome.

If, in the grand scheme of things, you feel the friendship is still valuable to you, I would do as a pp suggests and just be a bit less available. Maybe give a general reply to all her texts in the evening, two or three time a week. Or suggest meeting up three weeks hence, or whatever.

It’s awfully easy to end a friendship. Not so easy to turn the clock back if after a few months you find yourself regretting it …

The op did say in brackets that would be the worse thing for her to be childless, so just her opinion.

You don't have time for this intense friendship, your focus is on your child as it should be. Limit the chats to once a day or less and live your life. You may need to tell her you are just too busy to chat all the time, or just say busy now, going to the park, getting lunch, playing with DC, we'll talk later (tomorrow) each time it's inconvenient.

I can't think of anything worse (for me!) than to be childless

Ugh. Please let her loose so she can find better friends.

Could you try keeping the friendship (for now) but being focused in your interactions with her? Instead of letting them expand and take up unlimited amounts of time - she texts and calls all day, she comes to your house and you're not sure when she'll leave - make conscious, time-limited slots to focus on her/the friendship.

Perhaps invite her along on outing with you and your child - then there's a focused activity and a logical end point. Speak on the phone with her once a day (or less) to catch up on each other's news, and really focus for, say, ten minutes - then firmly say goodbye until tomorrow/next time. Possibly, try to move from texts and chats to emails - you could edge into that by maybe responding to her desire for child pics by periodically sending some with a little email summary of what you've been doing.

This would be an adjustment for her and personally I would tell her I intend to make a change so there's no unintended slight (and so she doesn't just up the onslaught of calls, etc. if she feels you're not responding. New Year could be a good time to say you've been conscious of wanting to tighten up your routine and focus on more productive things/get a handle on how you're spending your time. Obviously don't say that your relationship with her is the main time waster, but ending the incessant chat session, the barrages of texts, and the drop-ins could be natural consequence of your new consciously efficient "lifestyle". If you're able to do this, I think you'll see quickly whether you're truly enjoying your "quality" time with her or not.

(By the way, the situation now seems overwhelming to me, and I don't even have small children - that level of constant contact would really unsettle me.)