To distance myself from my best friend who is just as lovely and caring as ever?

YANBU OP I definitely think some friendships run their course

I used to be like the OP. Babies and small kids bore me shitless these days. Don't ditch the friend !

That’s not irony.

I picked up on OPs attitude about her friend, almost belittling her life as ‘pointless’ because she has chosen not the have children. Many other posters picked up on this too by the way.

I don't think she sounds immature, I think she sounds lovely, cheerful, and positive. I wish I had more people like that in my life. And her adjusting to the OP's change of lifestyle when she had a child shows maturity. The immature reaction would have been to fade away.

This argument about kids making you grow up just makes me laugh. As if losing both my parents, being abandoned by my husband in a foreign country after emigrating there for him, and finding out I have a sky-high risk of the genetic cancers that took my parents didn't make me grow up! 😂

I find that real life tends to pounce on ya, kids or not.

Agree with this. The constant inane messages and chat about juvenile nonsense would absolutely do my head in. She sounds very immature for a woman in her 30’s so I think you’ve outgrown her at this stage of life.

Don’t throw away the friendship because your stages could align again so just scale back the daily chatter and maybe keep it just to occasional catch ups right now.

Having a baby is all consuming at times so that’s the best reason to scale back contact. And maybe just don’t reply all the time to the inane stuff . Only really respond when you are feee to talk properly

Make new friends
But keep the old.
One is silver
And the other's gold.

Precisely. Look at Angela Merkel, Helen Mirren, Oprah Winfrey. So childish, all of them. If only they had become mothers and matured.

The communication sounds a bit juvenile, it reminds me of my teen daughters with their friends. They have time for that, I don't and also couldn't be bothered with it. I don't give a shit about someone's fridge, their nail varnish etc just act like an adult and decide yourself if your onions off. Maybe the break made you also realise you prefer not to be communicating with that intensity.

Rather than ending the friendship, as she does sound like a great friend, it's more the intense communicating that needs scaled back.

You can of course do what you like but I bet you will regret it in the future.

This is enlightening. I'm wondering if a friend who has stopped texting me after years of friendship might be feeling the same as you.

I think you could maintain the relationship without being quite as available. If she messages while you're in the middle of something with your child don't answer her calls about what to eat. Just reply later and say sorry, was in the middle of something.

One of the most painful memories I have is of a very close friend who became a mother telling me that she preferred the company of women who had children over mine. I could tell that anyway, as she never seemed interested in what I had to say. It was particularly painful as I had lost a pregnancy and then never been able to conceive after that - I made my peace with it, but it was awful to be rejected by someone on the basis of not being a mum.

This is true. Absolutely nothing else can make you grow up.

Is it the regular messaging you don't enjoy? As in, would you enjoy it if you saw her 1:1 but didn't message or call in between?

You've said a few times you don't enjoy talking to her about inane, silly topics (is what I think you mean) like leggings, onions, nail polish etc. And would rather spend time with you baby. This is understandable but do you have other friends, or do you find talking to anyone boring these days?

When you become a SAHM your world can become very small, and it can feel an effort to engage in anything different. If you have other friends you get on better with then this is obv not an issue, but if you don't it might be that your life now is DC. But DC will start school at some point and have their own lives (and will need you less), and good friends are hard to come by then.

I guess if you find the only conversations you enjoy are about your child, and you can't bear to spend time away from your child - then you're in danger of losing yourself. It's also good for DC to see their mum have friends and full lives so they don't feel the pressure of being your only companion/friend/source of energy. If you enjoy adult conversations with other people, and it's just this friend who bores you - I would start taking distance, make an excuse to her about being busy/overwhelmed and needing some time alone and see how you feel in a few months. Don't have to decide now. I've had friends who've annoyed me at various points in the years I've know them, but it's always passed and I'm so grateful I didn't cut them off.

It sounds like a good friendship, but also with kids you don’t have time to respond to this nonsense. Why not have a chat with her that rather than just being non responsive you’d prefer to ease back on the WhatsApps but make sure y spend quality time together. Friendships do eb and flow. Give it time

You don't have to reply straight away.

I can imagine the week of no contact allowed you more freedom to get on with your day without the constant interruptions.

Perhaps just reply to her in the evening or when your baby naps, and if your friend says anything hold the boundary. She will have to adjust, just like if you got a new job or moved time zones.

Maybe just say your toddler is going through a stage where you need to be constantly supervising and apologies if you don’t reply as quickly as usual or be able to take calls as often ( use this to cool off the constant messaging but still keep in regular contact). Maybe say you look forward to arranging meeting up for a drink or meal child free. You will have more time for her once your little one is at school I’m sure.

I say your lucky she is still as interested in you and your baby....lots of friends without children don't stick around.

"kids give her nightmares" but because your child is important to you she has befriended your child too.

This friend is priceless YABVVU.

@useran can you tell her that you might not always be able to reply straight away and see if it scales back all the texting time? That seems to be what you didn't miss.

I think the baby and toddler years are so busy and intense in the sense that you have someone needing you constantly that sometimes it's hard to feel the same interest and enthusiasm in what seem to be less important things.

I was lucky enough to be able to visit my childless friend without my children a couple times a year (we lived in different areas of the country) and so although she didn't have children it was my escape place where I could be me and I think that helped us navigate through those years. We are still close friends after 30 odd years.

I wouldn't give up this friendship. It's easy to view the lives of others from our own vantage point. As your children grow up you'll be back to caring about a lot of those things again and close adult friendships can be hard to find.

Well you are obviously not over the argument. I think a lot of people, when they have children, feel that their lives, concerns, needs are more important because of the demands on them - and while it is understandable in some ways it is a shame for the friends who get left behind because someones priorities have changed.

you are a nasty ..., hth

@useran some of my closest friends don't have children and I very much do (larger than average family size!). Don't let that be the defining reason to end a friendship, or define a friendship. You may be in the early haze right now, you will make Mummy friends who in years you have nothing in common with. People are thrown together and many people abandon friends in different seasons. I saw a few of my friends do this. Now their dc are older, they are feeling pangs of guilt/wishful thinking they hadn't dumped friends from the past whose lives were different.

She may be feeling like she needs to make extra effort to keep the friendship going because she doesn't want you to feel she doesn't care about you now you have child. Give her the benefit of the doubt. Arrange a get together for a few weeks time and try to remember what made you friends originally.