The annual Christmas ritual of reading DP the riot act

What a miserable, selfish prick.

I don't understand how you find him in the least attractive. But as you say you don't want to hear LTB, I have no advice.

I bet most wives are over the moon when their husband reaches the staying in the shed most of the time stage 😆

Good question. Sadly I haven't got the answer.

Not everyone likes christmas ,not everyone likes having their home invaded by lots of people while they are forced to participate and plaster on a smile. If you do fine but you can force anybody else too.

He sounds like he needs to have a shed with a kettle in it like in "Last of the Summer Wine".

What a catch. I bet you have to stop yourself from ripping his clothes off and shagging him right under the tree as he sits there with a face like a smacked arse. And I’m sure it’s not just Christmas. I bet life is non-stop adventure and fun with this prince.

I hate Christmas.
i hate everything about it, always have.
But I’ve never let that impact on anyone else. I buy a ton of presents, wrap the bloody things then paint a smile on my face. And for 24-48 hours I act my socks off being cheerful / grateful/ appreciative to everyone present. Then when I’m back home on my own I have a big cry and life carries on.
Your husband is an adult. Christmas happens every year, not like it’s a surprise. He should have developed strategies as per above to get through it. Tell him to grow up.

You say 'don't tell me to break up with him' but honestly a man that let me lift and lay while rolling his eyes at the suggestion of doing any of the work himself (at any time of year!) while needing reminding, apparently annually, not to be a rude prick to my family or other guests, isn't someone I could see myself in a long term relationship with.

Hope he's a great fuck and a generous provider OP because otherwise I don't really see what you're getting out of the relationship.

YABU as you have enabled him to behave like this by doing everything for him.
People who are treated like children act like children.

I will end up having to have the extra energy on both days to make up for my DP being so lack lustre/bar humbug.
It is more the upset in his routine which he finds hard to cope with, not to mention the chaos which comes with Christmas.

Why are his feelings about Xmas less valid than yours, OP? Sounds like you’re forcing him into it and then surprised when he doesn’t behave as you desire.

What do you grin and bear for him?

I’d go so far as to book a trip away to not be around you.

Which law says he has to like/engage in Xmas?

Fair enough if people take themselves off but if he's sitting there as a gloomy presence in a corner, not participating like mad-it's more difficult.

Also, if he's sulking and is an insufferable host/guest, it's is NOT your responsibility to make up for it. I'd go as far as calling him a scrooge or the grinch in front of everyone every time he huffs and puffs. You do not have to make up for his shortcomings.

It sounds like he doesn't want to host and is thinking either (1) YOU are the one who decided to host/wants to host, so you should do most of the work and he's justified in either grumping or basically being a guest, depending on his mood. Or (2) he really doesn't want people over at all, and perhaps wants to make it difficult so you'll stop inviting people for Christmas?

If he HAS agreed that you (plural) should have people over for Christmas and he's agreed to the guest list, then something odd is going on and the best way to get to there bottom of it is an open discussion. Did you discuss it immediately after he was weird last year? If so, can you refer back to that convo to remind him that there were issues last year and a repeat will result in inconvenience/ unpleasantness for him? If he can't communicate clearly and/or can't put on a company face and act welcoming even if he's feeling off, then your best hope is to make it significantly easier and more pleasant for him to participate and do his share than not. (You shouldn't have to do that with another adult, but sometimes you get a dud or whatever reason.)

What is more depressing is when your DH fails to buy the Christmas/birthday presents for his own family nearly every time and all his family blame ME even when I remind them it’s about the only job I don’t do at Christmas.

Totally agree with this , how can you possibly find the qualities you’ve described attractive in a mate ? As for buying and wrapping gifts from him for yourself why bother ?

This.

Why be with a juvenile jackass? The mind reels.

Sorry, haven't read the whole thread, but it makes my piss boil every time I read that the woman has been doing all of the organising for Christmas (cards, presents even those for herself, foods, hosting, you name it). Stop. Doing. That. Shit! Defo do the presents for the kids and treat yourself, but stop dealing with the in-laws and their presents/hosting/inviting etc. Stop doing all the decorating, buying, cooking, organising... Tell your DP "this is your to-do list, this is mine". If they don't do their half, no one will do it for them. I know you'll live with the (shitty) consequences too for a year, but this cycle will never end if you don't stop doing all the sgit yourself.

I assume he's unable to work or drive a car or operate a phone or anything, if he's unable to buy a present and wrap it.....
What would happen if you sent him the link to what you wanted and said you wanted it wrapped, out of curiosity?

Maybe don't treat him like a child

YABU for being a martyr.

How would he react if you compassionately acknowledged his clear discomfort of being involved with any Christmas activity and show him the local cheap hotel you’ve found him to retreat to for the couple of days?
Would he take you upon the offer to understand the unsubtle message?

Ask yourself who you’re trying to kid with this charade… Is anyone buying it?
Also why is his Dad is sheltered accommodation? Is it because he’s been a prick and pushed his entire family away through utter selfishness, by any chance?

STOP MAKING EXCUSES AND COVERING FOR HIM.

Time to meet him with the exact same energy and stop
giving him the impression you’re grateful he’s alive and breathing in your home.

Get him the same present and put in the same amount of effort as he does for you.

Nothing under the tree? Oh well…
Nothing for the kids? “Forget to buy anything.”
When he bitches about it, tell him it’s because he doesn’t “do” Christmas, so you’re not bothering him with it. You’re just keeping it for those who enjoy it. Tell him to fuck off out of your way so you and your family can have fun and open presents without the moping. Do the dinner and don’t invite him down.

@DBD1975 what were his Christmases like as a child?

My grown sons enjoyed magical Christmas every year. So they all make lots of effort every Christmas for their own children.

My husband isn't great with presents but does try. However, he cooks up a storm. Christmas cake, mince pies, terrines, game pies, salmon mousse. He makes for all three families.
He'll Cook the turkey and trimmings too.

House decorating and wrapping is a foreign country.

It really does depend I think on how they felt about Christmas as a child.