The annual Christmas ritual of reading DP the riot act

Take responsibility for your own decisions.

I am not sure what the point of this post is. Are we supposed to find it funny? Are you looking for sympathy? Do you want our permission to bin him off?

If you lay down and act like a doormat, people will walk over you

Just stop. Stop doing everything. If it doesn't get done, and he shows off about it, just shrug your shoulders and say it's just too much for one person to manage. Do NOT ask for help, as that suggests that it is all your job, and you are incapable of completing all your tasks.

It's not your job to mask his antisocial behaviour - so don't. Let him show others what he is like. If he doesn't like his routine changed, then in future, maybe suggest he books into a nice hotel on his own for the Christmas period, so he can suit himself as to what he does, and leaves everyone else to have a nice time.

neurodivergent or weaponised incompetence?
Hand the baton over to him for next year and I foresee that he will leave present buying and wrapping far too late, get in a stress and tantrum but hopefully he’d be capable of acknowledging all the work you put in. And don’t help him!
Can he manage with anything else around the home?

Send him this.

He sounds like a shit and it sounds like you’ve put up with it for a long time. Not sure what advice you’re actually looking for here

There's absolutely no need for you to martyr yourself and run around doing stuff for your bloke.
The only reason to have a boyfriend is for your life to be massively enhanced by him, he should bring you peace and fun. Otherwise what on earth are you doing?

This is pathetic. Why are you still with him?

I certainly wouldn't be buying his side's presents
Not that my DH would expect me to

So far I have done everything for Christmas including buying my own presents for DP to give me and buying all the presents for in-laws and I will also be wrapping them.
DP has done s all other than moan, sulk and act like a petulant teenager.

Of course he's done nothing. Why would he when you do everything?

If you are just going to put up with it every year like you have done so far, then you just have to suck it up. Nothing is going to change if you just carry on doing it all.

Do you feign surprise when you open your own presents? 😀

And being useless and antisocial isn’t a man thing, it’s a dickhead thing. More women still need to raise their standards.

Send him to bed early and ground him from his devices for a week, as you would with any other naughty child.

He's an arsehole but you're complicit, having let this behaviour slide for your whole marriage. Not sure what you want people to suggest.

It's not "nuclear" to suggest that your life would be better off without babying your husband. How on earth do you even fancy him?

Do you need to do as much socially as you are insisting he do? Yes, he needs to be polite and yes, he needs to contribute to the workload, but not everyone enjoys a big chaotic Christmas.

Don’t do this. It’s very passive aggressive. Criticising him to his family just makes you look like a shitty human being, no matter how deserved it is.

How do people end up with these dickhead? I would tell him in no uncertain terms shape up or ship out even if you don’t mean it doesn’t do any harm to think he could lose you at any moment if he doesn’t behave himself.

Good grief, don't pander to him, he sounds miserable.

My DH comes from a traditional, ie, patriarchal, family where the women did all the work, and still do in some cases. I made it very clear to them all when we got married that DH was in charge of cards and presents for his family and I was in no way taking over that role. There was a bit of muttering but I ignored it.

Depending on DHs level of organisation, they got presents some years but not others. Not my problem at all. I would never have dreamt of asking him to sort my family's presents out.

Yes, a quiet spot under the stairs or in the shed sounds ideal OP.

I once helped my ex get gifts for his large family. He left it until Christmas Eve as it would be "magical" apparently. It was not. I was in tears from the stress and I never did it again. So he did it (or not I can't remember). I just did my family and friends.

But he was a trooper with the tree, buying the food and the cooking.

My DF loved Christmas. He bought presents, shopped, cooked, put up decorations and made a fuss of everyone. It was joyful. The only year I spent Christmas with just my DM was so horrible. The miserable bitch didn't even sit at the table.

So not all men are like yours OP.

Spiteful and shaming approach. Not a way I’d treat someone I loved no matter how irritated I was.

I tried this once but by the time I remembered to get DH out after Christmas he’d become a wizard, done wizard A-levels, been on some quests and stuff. 🤷🏻‍♀️

He’s a twat but you are enabling him. Stop buying presents for him.

I think you’ve done that really really well. You’ve kept the bits that are actually important and you are willing to do and dropped everything else. Perfect!

You buy your own presents and put from DH . WHY?

Mine can be like this but I won't tolerate it. Here's what has helped:

Tell him loud and clear in November that you will not be buying or wrapping presents for his family. Mean it.
Don't bother getting presents for one-another at Christmas. We both have birthdays latter quarter of year so not a big sacrifice.
Don't over-extend yourselves socially at Christmas. Keep it to 2 days entertaining max. I do Christmas Day catering and he does Boxing Day.
Clear instructions on the day to all members of family on what they are responsible for - e.g DH does drinks and washing up, DCs replenish and circulate snacks / canapés etc.
Ignore any mood and focus on other family members.

HTH