To not want to spend 5 days with his parents?

CranberryHedgehog · 2024-12-19T11:02:10+00:00

I've got the 25th to the 29th Dec off and DP has decided he wants us to spend every single day with his family. My family live too far away so we're seeing them the following weekend. I love his family but 5 days straight is a long time. We live just around the corner and he says he feels obligated to spend every day with them as we're so close. We'll obviously be coming home to sleep but apart from that it sounds like he wants to be there all the time. AIBU to just want a day / evening to ourselves? Also how on earth do I get out of spending the entire time with them?

Original poster

CranberryHedgehog · 26/12/2024 17:29

arethereanyleftatall · 26/12/2024 09:10

There's nothing anyone can do or say to help you op.

You don't have to go.

You are choosing to for whatever bizarre reason, ignoring the unanimous response from everyone telling you just don't go, then not enjoying it.

Which you knew you wouldn't.

So this is all pointless.

Carry on being joined at the hip and miserable. Up to you.

Show quote history

Except it went from the original plan being 5 days straight to dropping to most of yesterday plus part of today and then the party tomorrow thanks to this thread. So not pointless as if it wasn't for this thread I probably wouldn't have put my foot down about the weekend and tomorrow outside of the party. We've got the whole weekend to ourselves. Tbh the only reason we went round today is because his sibling and nieces came round which was lovely.

OP posts:

Havingaswimmoose · 26/12/2024 16:41

CranberryHedgehog · 19/12/2024 13:10

Thanks so much all. I'm going to have a chat with him this evening after he's finished work. It's difficult as my family are not super close, we love spending Christmas together but we'd be sick of each other within a few days. His family are super close and spend loads of time together when they can and I do appreciate different families have different dynamics.

I've already put my foot down about next year. He's literally never spent a Christmas without at least seeing them on Boxing Day. We've agreed next year we're not rushing back from my folks and we'll see his parents on the 27th or 28th.

He is better than he used to be and I think part of it is that I need to be more vocal too about actually no this doesn't work for me.

To answer a PP question, no kids yet. We're planning to TTC next year but obviously I do want to iron out the issues first.

I'm a bit late to this thread.

It matters not one jot what his family do or yours.

'Super close family'? Irrelevant.
You and he should have have formed an adult life without them.
You do not follow in their footsteps, you make your own way now.

Shinyandnew1 · 26/12/2024 09:33

apparently I need to now drive 6 hours to the in-laws house for the remainder of the holiday.

Who is suggesting this?! Why would YOU have to drive? Your partner’s parents are staying with you for a week, why would you need to go and now stay in their house?!

Inthebleakmidwinter1 · 26/12/2024 09:30

i find I really need a break myself at Christmas. I’ve used a week of my holiday to see my family, DPs mum
and dad are here now for a week and that leaves 5 days once they go for me to chill and have a bit of a rest without being a host or a guest. But no apparently I need to now drive 6 hours to the in-laws house for the remainder of the holiday.
I've put my foot down but I’m being made to feel very guilty and unreasonable. I’ve actually been very truthful and said how tired and worn down I feel etc. using my words to ask for what I need but I’ve never found that a successful strategy. People don’t give a shit!

Shinyandnew1 · 26/12/2024 09:19

It’s always going to be like this if you don’t make a stand.

You talk about trying for a baby with this man but don’t mention you’re married-is he your DP? I would think long and hard before having kids with a man with apron string issues. I also wouldn’t be having kids/reducing my earning potential with someone I wasn’t married to

Mashroom · 26/12/2024 09:17

It’s always going to be like this if you let it op

I put clear boundaries when we got together 15 years ago and we live a bit of a drive away and now it’s not expected it will be at all these family parties (but I’m polite and keep to myself ) and I think they just think ‘I’m like that’ which is fine with me as other sister in law is too involved and gets talked about - so I was wise to keep my distance

arethereanyleftatall · 26/12/2024 09:10

CranberryHedgehog · 26/12/2024 08:30

I can assure you it's not a reverse @CosyLemur. We spent yesterday with them and got home early evening. We'll be going over for lunch today as his sibling and nieces are over. We'll go to the party tomorrow but no intentions of being over their house outside of the party and then we've got the weekend to ourselves. I'd ideally have liked to have not spent most of the day with them yesterday given we're seeing them for part of today and part of tomorrow but I can deal with that more than I can deal with 5 days straight!

There's nothing anyone can do or say to help you op.

You don't have to go.

You are choosing to for whatever bizarre reason, ignoring the unanimous response from everyone telling you just don't go, then not enjoying it.

Which you knew you wouldn't.

So this is all pointless.

Carry on being joined at the hip and miserable. Up to you.

Kehlani · 26/12/2024 08:54

That’s crazy, I live very close to my mum and aunts. I saw them all yesterday, DH went to his family this year as they’re further away.

I definitely don’t want to spend today with everyone again. I’m exhausted from yesterday, today I want to stay home and rest.

Put your foot down, OP and say you’re not going.

Daisy12Maisie · 26/12/2024 08:51

Let him do what he wants to but as it's close you can dip in and out so come home, put the washing on, see a friend, go to the gym or whatever you want to do. You don't need to be there all the time even if he is.

cansu · 26/12/2024 08:51

Tell him to go alone. No way would I be sitting around a relatives house fir five days whether it be my own or someone else's.

Justleaveitblankthen · 26/12/2024 08:49

He can do what he likes.
Tell him you have other plans though.
Even better if he keeps the kiddies with them for the duration 😁

Original poster

CranberryHedgehog · 26/12/2024 08:30

I can assure you it's not a reverse @CosyLemur. We spent yesterday with them and got home early evening. We'll be going over for lunch today as his sibling and nieces are over. We'll go to the party tomorrow but no intentions of being over their house outside of the party and then we've got the weekend to ourselves. I'd ideally have liked to have not spent most of the day with them yesterday given we're seeing them for part of today and part of tomorrow but I can deal with that more than I can deal with 5 days straight!

OP posts:

SugarPlumpFairyCakes · 26/12/2024 04:42

Let him.

You do your own thing.

He sounds like he does whatever his parents want. Recipe for an unsuccessful marriage / relationship.

Ladybyrd · 26/12/2024 04:25

When we go to see MIL with our children, we tend to spend most of the daytime together then meet up again at night, because they live in another country and we have to make the most out of our time together. This isn't that. It's too much and nope.

IdylicDay · 26/12/2024 03:53

How did it go, @CranberryHedgehog ?

Ratisshortforratthew · 26/12/2024 02:48

“Ok Steve. I’ll come with you on X day then the other days I’ll be at home or doing my own thing so I’ll see you when you get back”. Don’t ask, just tell him what you’ll be doing instead! And don’t have kids with him, the interfering from his family will be off the scale.

YippyKiYay · 26/12/2024 02:42

ClicketyClickPlusOne · 19/12/2024 11:13

Set up days out for you and DH.
Film
Walk and lunch in NT cafe
Sales Shopping
Theatre
Invite friends to yours for drinks

If he won’t do this, make arrangements with friends or go out on your own and send your apols to whatever arrangement he has with his parents

I would tell him straight I am not taking 5 days leave to spend the whole time with his parents who you presumably see all the time anyway because you live down the road.

This

mammaCh · 25/12/2024 20:52

Just say no, you don't want to?

CosyLemur · 25/12/2024 20:51

Is this a reverse? Because there was a post like this a few days ago asking if DH was being unreasonable for not wanting to spend 5 days with his wife's parents over Christmas

Scottsy200 · 25/12/2024 20:34

That sounds ridiculous absolutely no one would do that, I spend Xmas Day and Boxing Day with my family usually a bit of extended family on BD but I wouldn’t want to sit with them for 4 or 5 days what a waste of your time off

He needs telling he’s mental

MarvellousMrsMouse01 · 25/12/2024 20:26

Hell no. Tell him that he can go and spend 5 days with his parents and have yourself some peace and quiet at home 😂

Jostuki · 20/12/2024 03:15

Spending a day/afternoon is lovely. Five days is overkill.

It also buggers up any food you bought as it will go to waste whilst you're over there every day, plus you may not like the same kinds of meals etc

A five day visit would only be necessary if people were travelling/flying in from far away. The fact they live local is just odd.

coxesorangepippin · 20/12/2024 02:44

Let's face it, his parents probably don't want to see you for five days either

Just tell him you are going shopping/ meeting friends on XYZ days

ThinWomansBrain · 20/12/2024 01:41

Go with him once or twice maybe
Use the time to evaluate whether you want to be with someone who wants to spend all his free time with his Mummy rather than you.

Vaxtable · 20/12/2024 01:37

Well I would be letting him spend the time with his family and doing my own thing. I know it’s not what you want as you want to spend time together, but if it’s not going to happen then would do stuff on my own

but be warned he obviously puts his family first, not you