Is husband expecting too much 4 months PP or AIBU

Would he count productive as changing the locks? Because I think that's what I would do.
(have a 5mo and a 7yo, house frequently a disaster because there is now a whole extra person in it along with all their stuff ie pram clothes nappies etc and not enough space or time to put away!)

This isn't about help, it's about his attitude to you.
He clearly doesn't know what it means to recover from CS and doesn't understand all hormonal changes women's bodies go through after birth.
He's a twat.

I would ( and did) list every single feed and its duration, list everything else you’ve done in the day and when you did it, list when you slept and when you were woken and how long for.
Set that against what he does band when he sleeps , and add that you are being productive by being the sole food source for the baby, and that you are not yet recovered from major surgery.
Then tell you need time to recover so you will be heading to bed and he can bring you the baby when it’s time for a feed. Can he also please sort out some nutritious food for you and the other child and clean the house .
Seriously tell him to fuck off and take to your bed. The man’s delusional!^^

Euch I'm so sorry you've been made to feel like you're not doing enough. I'm so impressed you've done everything you have done! When I was PP I didn't do a fraction of that.

I remember DH and I both thought I'd have loads of time on mat leave to keep on top of the house, I even planned time to garden and paint the back door. Reality was very different! DH said he couldn't believe how much time baby care takes and completely got it!

As for meeting friends, it's important to have time for self care, relaxation and to maintain relationships out of the house so absolutely don't feel guilty.

I would send him a text right now saying,
'If you repeat anything like yesterday or even anything near it, I will leave, you can have 50/50 custody and see how you like them apples, you fucking freak'

He's a dickhead. Make him a list of jobs to do and don't give up a job if you've got one.

I really really hope you'll read this thread to him.
He's a completely inconsiderate arseholy wanker. May he spend one week in pain equal to recovery from CS while having to take care of a newborn.

"have a productive day" omg...even at a normal time i would be cringing out of my skin at that let alone 4 weeks after giving birth!

Outrageous he's a fucking prick.

None of that really matters - he is being a cock

What the fuck

Why are you defending him and minimising!! He is a complete twat. The 'productive day' comment would have had me packing a bag and leaving to stay at my mums with the baby. See how he gets on juggling just 1 child and the housework. YOU GAVE BIRTH VIA C SECTION 4 WEEKS AGO!! Tell him to fuck off. I actually can't believe what I've just read. Are you going back to work? Are you sorted financially? Because he sounds like an abusive controlling twat.

This with Christmas bells on

This.

You shouldn’t be mopping, brushing or hovering this soon after a section!

He is absolutely out of order. Even without the stresses of a newborn and breastfeeding, such major abdominal surgery would put you on ‘light duties’ for the sake of your recovery.

Tell him if he wants you to risk a rupture he can get stuffed.

Pack a bag and go to your parents if possible to get some care from someone who actually loves you, leaving a note telling him you’ve had a very productive day, generating milk and keeping a newborn baby nourished and alive, while also attempting to recover a little further from major abdominal surgery. Also that you’re so appalled and hurt by his disgusting attitude towards you at your most vulnerable time, that you are seriously considering leaving him on a permanent basis.

He sounds absolutely horrible, sorry OP.

Until your 6 weeks pp you should be taking it easy.
You’ve had major abdominal surgery.
I don’t care how hands on your dh is his attitude stinks.
I’m sorry but you’re married to a twat!

My partner worked full time and did all the house work and did all of the cooking and a good chunk of the washing (we did cloth nappies) and the nappy changes.
I did online food shops some of the washing.
I had pnd and there were days where the only thing could manage was feeding the baby and changing the nappies absolutely everything else was done by my partner without complaint.
I was probably 14 months post partum before I could make any significant contribution to the housework around the same time I went back to work after mat leave then sick leave.
I have never felt so utterly loved.

He should be ashamed and I would be having a conversation about expectations. You deserve better

4 weeks after abdominal surgery and he’s got the audacity to expect anything more than the load you’re already doing? Hire a cleaner then mate, you’re on maternity leave not a new career as a fucking housekeeper

When I was pp I told DP that I was going on strike for the 4th trimester and he was responsible for all cleaning, cooking, feeding and watering of the whole family. He was bemused at first but I pointed out that I normally did the lion's share and it was only fair he stepped up for 3 short months.

Anyway he was in shock at the amount of stuff that needed doing. He got into his own little routine and started with dusting the skirting boards for some reason

Tell him to go fuck himself .

He's being a twat and needs to fucking sort it himself if he's that bothered. At 4 weeks pp with both mine my house was a disgrace and it didn't matter one single bit I was taking care of my babies. My husband was trying his best to keep on top of stuff and a full time job. The house slowly and gradually got back to normal when the babies got bigger. He's truly being an asshole and needs to be told as such.

YANBU

Yes, I missed the cs bit. I had a cs with DS2 - mw said no hoovering etc for 6 weeks. Get him told.

Ask him to imagine being sliced open, a tiny, totally dependent creature being removed from his innards which he then has to take complete care of whilst trying to heal from the abdominal surgery. Ask how much he'd feel capable of under those circumstances.

If CS was such a breeze, women would be allowed to drive immediately afterwards.

Genuinely - I don't think you should be doing hoovering or mopping g - it's a lot of effort on your stomach muscles and you could rupture your newly forming scar

Don’t get hurt, get angry. If he’s normally a decent bloke, he needs a burst of anger in his direction and a warning. He is totally out of order. And yes, we all know that couldn’t get much done if he was in your position.