Is husband expecting too much 4 months PP or AIBU

We went to bed on an argument and this morning the last thing he said before leaving for work was “have a productive day”.

Cunt.

Hoovering, mopping and dusting - it's chilling.

He sounds awful! Your house sounds pretty tidy tbh you should’ve seen our house when little one was that young!

Mother, maid, mattress. Know your place and get scrubbing girl.

^This is how that vile little toad of man views you, OP. And he's absolutely fuming you've done a few nice things for yourself - how fucking dare you, why were you not on your knees scrub, scrub, scrubbing away?

Do not have a third child with this sorry excuse for a husband

Do not quit your job

Go back to work as soon as you can and siphon money away - as much as you can, as often as you can

You're not ready to run yet, this is clear, but I also think you know deep down this is not a good man. When you've had enough you go and make the solicitors appointment and do not doubt yourself.

Only a man in the running for misogynistic prick of the year would have his attitude. 💐

There's no way on earth I could have done all that and looked after a tiny nursing baby without giving myself a nervous breakdown.

He's being beyond unreasonable.

Fwiw, I know someone who married a man like this. I remember seeing the panic on her face when he came home because there were (quite naturally) toys on the floor. She left him with her two young boys not long ago and she's already a lot happier. She's doing really well now.

Four WEEKS!
I think his behaviour is deliberately spiteful. Not just unreasonable.
So that everything heals better I think many would agree with me that you are doing too much work.
Please do less, rest more and if possible sleep more during the day.

I'm so disappointed in your husband! What an arse!

I have to tell you OP, at 4 weeks my husband was doing 90% of the housework and bringing me cups of tea on the sofa. He also gets stressed by mess but he knew during that period, some things just have to give and if either of us couldn't manage to tidy because of work or baby then that was that.

He recognised not only had I had abdominal surgery but was taking care of a newborn baby whilst recovering from that. Your husband is a abusive fucking twat! None of these bastards that act like this towards their wives would be expecting to lift a finger at home if they'd been signed off work to recover after surgery.

This!

Am I reading right that you've been hoovering 4 weeks post section?!

Unfortunately he is a complete wanker

he has no idea how hard it is to be a mum of a bs y and a young child

he probable sees himself as a “provider bro”, and you as his subservient wife

with a man like this you HAVE to go back to work full time and for him to do 50% of all school pick ups and drop offs, sick days off with the kids etc etc as he will never respect a sahm

To the bin with him!

Remind your husband that at 4 WEEKS post c-section you're not even supposed to be bending down!!! So technically, NOTHING should be tidy because if you can't grab it with your toes then you shouldn't be picking it up, and it needs to be his job to do that. And if he doesn't have time to tidy when he gets home from work (which is fair enough), he either needs to accept a bit of untidiness for the time being or pay for a cleaner to come and tidy up every other day.

If he's so fucking anal why doesn't he pay for a daily cleaner or do it himself

Gross. 'Have a productive day'?! I'd go on strike after that, and he'd be lucky if I didn't tell him not to bother coming back home after work. Do only what you think truly needs to be done (that you can currently manage) and let everything else go. He can pick up the slack or let the standards drop a bit while you recover and adjust to the new situation.

I think I’d rather chop my own hands off than tidy or wash a single thing today. Rest, cuddle baby and watch tv. Take a walk. Tell dh when you got home you did have a productive mental health day as when you’re a vulnerable exhausted new mum and noone else in your marriage is supportive then you need to look after yourself as the only person who will.

Passive aggressive pr*ck. You could try this
https://www.boredpanda.com/wife-stops-housework-husbands-comment-lindsaydonnelly2/

In all seriousness, I grew up with a father like this. We'd hear his car in the drive and scramble in a panic to remove every shred of "stuff" that had been left on a counter, on a floor or in a hallway and disappear as fast as we f*cking could. It has conditioned me into an adult who also loathes clutter and irrationally irritated by peoples inability to just put their shit away.
BUT, I recognise this is not reasonable. I recognise that there are times when this is is not practical and I do not want to make my home a place where my husband and kids dread me walking in the door and immediately picking on all the stuff that could be elsewhere. This is within his control and he needs to step up and do so. He has two small children, this is going to be his world for years to come and if he wants a minimalist bachelor pad then he knows where the door is.

I would sit him down and tell him he needs to get a grip on himself. Under the circumstances it is an abusive comment even if he doesn't recognise that yet, and you will NOT stand for it.

Your dh is awful. Measure and weigh your ds2 every day and put it on a chart for your dh to see. Has he ever built a new human from scratch? Have a productive day! You are cluster feeding a tiny human FGS.

You are definitely not being unreasonable. Does he realise a c-section is major surgery and that it was only 4weeks ago. So really you still shouldn’t be doing stuff thats puts to much strain on you. Even without the c-section 4wks Pp your body is still in recovery mode. And then you have your other child too to look after as well as breastfeeding, that in itself is physically draining. Your husband is being a dickhead. If he wants the house spotless he should do it himself. Children play with toys and make a mess. Thats just what they do. I have a 2 and 5year old, spend half my day chasing my tail tidying and cleaning up but as soon as bed time comes Im done. Anything that hasn’t been done or put away can wait till tomorrow. If my DP didn’t like it he would be told to do it himself when he’s home from work

I'm 15 weeks pp and the house is still upside down. We are just surviving. At 4 weeks I'm not even sure I was getting dressed most mornings nevermind anything else

It’s a shame that your eldest idolises such a misogynistic prick.

I fell ill and had a week in hospital when my baby was young. My husband took it in his stride, as expected. Baby and house were like I’d never been away, and despite missing them I never worried that he couldn’t manage. Could you say the same? Would he be able to manage doing every night feed and then getting up for a full day of work (because that is what you’re doing as a mother with young children at home)? Maybe ask him to think about that, oh, and imagine doing it a short time after major abdominal surgery and with hormones going haywire.

LTB. Not joking

I’m angry reading this. I have no advice except maybe LTB… but YANBU

Unless he is going hard manual labour in the freezing cold all day he’s a complete knob. If he is physically exhausted he’s unkind. Either way he needs to apologise.

I'd fucking kill him.

It doesn't need to be rolled up that small as the 'D' H is a massive arsehole.