Is husband expecting too much 4 months PP or AIBU

4wks pp I was sleeping as much as possible, managing to wash, feed, dress us & maybe keeping on top of the washing up & laundry.

That was after an easy birth!

Think husband was glad we were all getting through the days at that point!

You are far from unreasonable! It was months before I hoovered the whole house with our son and clothes were mostly worn straight off the airer and never made it to be folded and put away, it sounds like you’re doing amazingly!

He better get used to it or take action.
You should only be focused on yourself and baby at this stage 4 weeks hard to have have time to make a cup tea of course reasonable to leave cup down while you head off sort baby.
I find now my kids older so much coming and going still hard to get house tidy up done as go along.
Take care

Has your husband always been so horrible to you? You are recovering from major surgery as well as looking after a new born and toddler. I know you don’t want to hear this, but he’s a nasty bastard who doesn’t respect you. As others have said, consider going to stay with family so that you can recover properly. You shouldn’t be doing any housework that involves lifting or bending at the moment. In the longer term you need to think about whether to stay with this scumbag.

He should be ashamed - maybe not of what he does, but of his stinking attitude.

Sounds like you need to go on strike. If you're not willing to tell him to fuck off and do it himself if it's. It good enough. I'm not sure what to suggest.

It's maternity leave, not housework leave. Giving birth to a baby does not also transform you into a housekeeper, fuck that.

I am 4 MONTHS post partum and I've cooked a handful of meals, do the odd dishes and some laundry. DH does most of the dishes, ALL tidying up, some laundry, DIY and we have a cleaner.

Breastfeeding takes a lot out of you. DH needs to be taking care of you.

I'd have wanted to gouge his eyes out with a spoon at the "have a productive day" comment. Fucking prick. I don't care how much he does round the house / parenting - he's not the boss of you and needs told.

OP IU'm sure all the vitriol towards your DH is probably making you feel defensive because, as you say, he IS stepping up and doing more.

But, the thing is that he is being completely unreasonable and his expedctations are hugely out of whack. It sounds to me like he is doing more and taking on additional workloads - good for him. But he doesn't seem to have any realisation that you are ALSO taking on hugely extra workloads. So he thinks you're wafting around doing nothing when actually you're trying to recover from a c-section, breast feeding a newborn which is a relentless, endless task in itself, and looking after 2 children. Basically, he hasn't made the normal adjustment to understanding that during this time, oyou're both doing more, both exhausted and yes, standards have to slip somewhat.

The christmas thing is a classic example and I would very calmly turn around and say, "you're right, that was an enjoyable day out although let's be clear - it's definitely not the same as heading to a christmas market for a few mulled winse and some browsing WITHOUG a BF baby and a toddler to look after. More importantly, I can look after the toddler and the baby, and keep them entertained, while I am at a market with friends. Do you have any idea how much harder it is to look after both children, manage their needs AND do the endless cooking and cleaning and tidying?"

Oh my god what a dreadful, unsupportive man you have saddled yourself with ..
I'm so sorry he is your husband.
I can well imagine the type of man he is
Poor you

You are 4 weeks post major abdominal surgery! Other reasons for abdominal surgery require being signed off work and a recuperation period with uninterrupted nights sleep and no newborn to look after.

He is being extremely unreasonable. Even without only being 4 weeks pp, he would still be unreasonable. There are 2 small children being looked after in the house. There will be evidence of that!

I would apologise for the house being so cluttered, and offer to do a proper de-clutter at the weekend whilst he takes on exclusive breast feeding duties for the day.

Just watch his face as he ponders his useless nipples, and realises he can perfectly easily keep the house tidier if it’s so bothersome for him.

Your DH should see our house, - he would get a heart attack, LOL.
Once we give birth and stay at home, many men think that we miraculously transform into 24/7 maidservant/cleaner. They think that since we stopped going to work, it is our duty to keep the house spotless, notwithstanding the reason we are at home. Some men also think that since we do not go to the office, we have no right to go out at all. It's all just about controlling you really, nothing to do with the mess.

Oh OP, you should be resting not cleaning and tidying away. You’re recovering from a major surgery AND caring for and feeding a newborn.

I’m sorry but your husband is a total wanker. Show him this thread!

I am 32 weeks pregnant, still very fit and well, able to walk the dog and get in the gym, and have no children to care for, currently exclusively WFH, and my husband wouldn’t so much as dream of coming home and making a comment about the state of the house…so you are absolutely NOT BU and he needs to show some appreciation for the fact you are spending your days keeping two human beings alive, anything else is a bonus.

Actually, if my partner said 'Have a productive day' at any time, when I knew that meant he disapproved of what I'd been doing and thought I should do more, I would go on strike. I do not take kindly to that kind of behaviour.

I bet he couldn't move 4 weeks after having his belly cut open...let alone look after a EBF newborn and a toddler
Words fail me!

What an absolute prick.

Sorry, didn't mean to quote!😆

The things you listed as not being put away with a family of 4 is general day to day stuff. I'm impressed you've hoovered, cleaned bathrooms etc after having a c section only 4 weeks ago, I'm fairly sure you shouldn't be lifting or carrying at this point. Does he know that A-he's being ridiculous with his expectations and B- you've had major abdominal surgery

"Have a productive day" wow! He is totally out of order. I would probably do the bare minimum today and see how that looks. Also order a takeaway for you and eat it before he gets home. So what if he is doing more, you are doing way more since having #2.

6-7 weeks post partum with twins then my husband suggested l "did more round the house" whilst he was at work 😡I did a couple of Keeping in Touch days at work and he flew solo all day. I didn't hear a peep from him after that about doing more housework as he realised how intense it is on your own. He didn't even have to recover from a c section or express milk / breastfeed

Just realised you're HOOVERING AND MOPPING 4 weeks after a section. Stop that NOW.

I'd want to kill him for "have a productive day".

Otoh you're both early days with 2 kids, both knackered and both finding a new path. Give him the chance to apologise.

I'm afraid I am a petty bitch in cases like this and I wouldn't do a shred of housework until he had 1) apologised and 2) cleaned and tidied everything himself. Fortunately my partner is a decent man who does his fair share and only needs occasional reminders of my stubborn streak. I simply refuse to be the default housewife just because I have a vagina.

Four weeks post c-section I was still taking it very easy. I couldn't walk fast and I remember emptying the dishwasher and lifting binbags being particularly difficult - my partner did all the jobs I couldn't manage. You need to rest and let your body heal, especially if you're still bleeding. And I wasn't breastfeeding, you're using a huge amount of energy just doing that.

I hope your husband sees the reality of what he needs to do, and this doesn't need to end in divorce.

Or sod off for good!!

I was particularly horrified by the hoovering because of the weight of the hoover - I wouldn't have wanted to be hefting ours about post section! Maybe OP has one of those stick ones, but even so...

OP your husband is a total arse. You've just had major abdominal surgery and are caring for a newborn. He should be looking after you (including doing 90+ % of the housework), not telling you off for not being a good enough maid.