Is husband expecting too much 4 months PP or AIBU

Haven't read all posts but certainly get the gist of this thread. I know there are good guys out there who do their share but would be surprised if it's more than one in a hundred 🫤

This reminds me of a friend who had been married for several years and they had 3 school age children. She was doing just about everything on the domestic side and while not feeling very well she asked him to change the bedding as it was overdue.
He didn't know where the clean stuff was and she realised he'd NEVER done it in all their married years. I expect this is very common.

What a totally uncaring shitbag of a man! I had a C-section with my first baby - Discharged from hospital after 5 days (years ago mums were kept in hospital longer) and as soon as I got home it was evident he had done NOTHING in the house! I had to clean the bathroom, wash a weeks worth of pots, do the laundry, and then he had the nerve to demand sex "because I hadn't had a normal delivery and it wouldn't hurt my fanny"! I wish I had walked away that day😡

Welp. He's a dickhead.

You've not even fully recovered from a csection. Is he mental? You had a baby 4 weeks ago. He can fuck off. You really shouldn't be pushing your body too much. Don't listen to him. He obviously doesn't give a shit. You matter more than his anal urge to have a tidy house. That's what he's for, he can clean it while you tend to the babies. Vile man.

"Have a productive day" tell him to get fucked!

I think what may have seemed like a 'fair' share 6 weeks ago, before baby arrived, is no longer fair - your workload has increased and his is unchanged. He should be picking up more tasks, just as you have had to.

Yes you are literally feeding a baby from your own body and he thinks you aren't being productive?? You are the epitome of productive - you created an entire new human being and are now keeping it alive. The more I think about your husband, OP, the more I want to kick him hard.

If anything you're doing too much.

Having read your update, it sounds like your dh hasn't grasped the impact that going from 1 to 2 children has had on you ie major surgery, back to near constant bf-ing plus the care of a new baby.

He probably feels that he is doing loads by doing more with your oldest whereas, in reality, that's the easy bit.

You both need to find a way that is more 'we' ie how we're going to keep the house clean rather than it being your job so by default your problem.

I am aghast on your behalf. Who made him the boss of you? What an absolute arsehole.

Tell him if you don't meet his standards, fine...time to get a professional cleaner then. Your DH is being very, very unreasonable.

This. "Have a productive day" indeed.

Is he the sole financial support of the household? I note that when that is the case, they think they have a live-in maid of all work and the right to order her about.

The productive part would make me particularly stabby if I was literally producing milk.

YES THIS.

But the very fact that this idiot needs reminding about major abdominal surgery yet makes shit pompous comments like "Have a productive day" as he leaves the house makes me so cross on your behalf.

Where did this idea that he's amazing come from? Hazard a guess its self promotion.

I was utterly outraged when I thought you were 4 months post partum, let alone 4 weeks! And you've had a c-section! Recovery time is 6 weeks at least. Your husband should be looking after you, not expecting to live in a spotless house.

But "Have a productive day"? He can fuck off and then fuck off some more. And then keep fucking off til he physically can't fuck off any further.

This is very relevant.
but the thing that stands out from your posts is why you think he's not being a dickhead by making you go against medical advice
maybe it's hard for you to see as he's been this abusive for your whole relationship
I hope you get support irl and can leave

in 38 Years and with 3 kids not once has DH ever ever ever told me to "have a productive day"
Or ciricised the house, or the lack of dinner on bad days, or a single fucking thing i didnt manage to do when i was PP.
I cannot, just CANNOT fathom wtf is wrong with these men.
and how you can even bear to look at him, never mind ask if you are being unreasonable.
You are not being unreasonable enought.
Hes an UTTER shit.
Utterly. Shame on him. Id tell him get to fuck tbh, loudly, while standing in the mess i would henceforth refuse to ever clean up again as long as he lived there.

You need to remind your husband that you had major abdominal surgery 4 weeks ago and the doctors have instructed you to take things easy. You need to be careful whilst you're healing coz if your scar rips he will have a whole lot of work to do on his hands when you have to start healing from scratch!
And whilst you're at it tell him to stop acting like a knob.

That makes him even worse, so awful he should get some sort of prize for being a total pig

If you were 4 months pp, you might be unreasonable, or not, depending on what the baby is like. You are 4 weeks pp so your husband is completely unreasonable. At 4 weeks pp you are still under C section medical guidelines and the baby is feeding every couple of hours, which means you are getting very little sleep. Your house sounds quite clean for someone who is 4 weeks pp, it's just not tidy enough for your "neat freak" husband. He is more concerned with satisfying his obsessive need for tidiness than with the health of his wife and therefore I deem him a complete jerk. I know you said he is "amazing" after people pointed out how awful he is being, but IMO the way he is treating a woman who just had major abdominal surgery and is looking after a newborn, is unforgiveable.

Omg OP.

I'd be tempted to change the locks, and leave a bag outside for him!

And to really put it into perspective I think most of us would be saying at 4 months post partum your not unreasonable.

At 4 weeks PP, he's being abusive. It's abuse.

He's a nasty twat. No way will he be sharing his thoughts with anyone else because i think even most macho men would be hard pressed to think it's normal to expect their OH to clean the house with newborn after abdominal surgery.

I hate that this is true. But is your mum and dad around to have a word with him as he clearly can't see sense?

Husband is a cunt.

@LaurenOX - you wrote "He does his fair share of house work, he does all DIY he does have a stressful job which takes up some evenings of his time but he is still very much a hands on dad"

I'll try to break this down for you.
He does his fair share of house work - because he contributes his fair share to creating the house work, be it laundry, vacuuming, doing the dishes, dusting, cooking. He contributes to making the house work so it's only fair that he does the house work too.
He does all DIY - this doesn't mean he should get a medal for doing it. I'm sure there is something in the house that you do 100% of without even batting an eyelash. Think what that might be and there's your equivalent. If he wasn't around you'd either learn yourself or you'd pay someone to do it for you.
He does have a stressful job - So do you. It's called being a full time mother.
He is still very much a hands on dad - Ah, he gets to spend quality time with the kids being a 'Disney' parent, doing the fun stuff while you are released to do the Cinderella stuff, like housework, right? It's never that he is a hands on Dad while you take yourself off to a hotel or spa for the day or down to the pub (whatever his equivalent might be).

So, based on your posts, I really don't think I'd be rolling out the red carpet for him based on his comments to you. I realise it is easy for me to sit behind a keyboard and type this but you have to think is this something that I want to live with, to have said to me, is it acceptable and then you decide what you want next.

Can he not take over bath time with the baby then he can have some quality time with them and you can hang out with the older child?