Is husband expecting too much 4 months PP or AIBU

I feel the need to batter the shit out of your husband, fucking ridiculous man! Totally unreasonable!

If it means that much to him then he needs to do it. End of story.

You sound like you really want to defend him OP and Lord knows why. You have had MAJOR abdominal surgery and you’re looking after two children (or three if you include him). It is not your fault if he doesn’t feel
bonded with the baby. It is not your fault if he wants to keep the house up to hotel standards. You deserve to be looked after by HIM during this time.

Honestly why is the bar set so low for men!!!

I'm an obsessive cleaner/tidier and even I think he is being an arse.

Wow I seriously can’t believe your husband.
after I had a c section I did nothing around the house for at least 6 weeks and I definitely didn’t clean loads after that either as looking after a newborn (and breastfeeding) takes up
so much time!
also it’s more important for you to be getting out of the house/socialising/resting than cleaning right now

Here we go. OP: "My husband is being a bit of a twat" - MN replies "yes, yes he is" - OP - "he's a great dad/lovely man etc etc" rinse and repeat.

Any man who behaves like this at any time let alone 4 weeks PP is a dickhead. Just call him out for what he is, none of this oh he's tired poor dear lamb. FFS.

You have done so much housework! Well done on you! However...it only gets harder as your littlest gets older. Looking after two is HARD if you are expected to clean the house too.

I'd say it's domestic abuse from his part

At four weeks PP you should be doing about 1/2 that. You have been through the equivalent of major surgery.
I suggest if he wants things done -- He does them. A protective day at this stage would include at least 2 naps.

If my partner had said to me four weeks after my c section "have a productive day" then despite being in my 30s I would have called my mum and told her my baby and I needed to come and stay with her for a while so I could rest and recover and take care of my little one in a healthy and loving environment.

What a complete and utter bastard he is OP.

WEEKS!!

It was bad enough when I thought it was months.

He is an abusive shitbag as others have said.

Saying “have a productive day” to your 4 weeks pp wife is disgusting. “Hope you get some rest today” is more appropriate.

When I had my kids 150 years ago the health visitor ran her finger through the dust on my tv and said that's good...I'd rather you bonded with your baby and recovered from childbirth than spend time cleaning! He's being utterly unreasonable and I honestly think you should show him the replies on here. How dare he...when did he last have major surgery and then not skip a beat to look after a toddler, bf baby and a house???
How fucking dare he...I'm honestly fuming for you op. Don't let him bully you, now is the time to push back 💐

Hi op,

I literally stopped reading when you said that you gave birth 4 weeks ago and your dh had a go coz the house isn’t pristine.

i have no idea what you said after because no, no & no. There is absolutely nothing that can make him right. Never. Ever.

I am sorry op. Honestly, if he is so out of by it either he does it, or he HIRES someone to do it?? Having babies with you does NOT make you his maid 🤷🏼‍♀️

I can't type on here what I would say if a man spoke to me that way..
Have a productive day.. he should be supporting you in a loving caring way you a little child and a baby ..
Tell him straight to get some understanding and respect or else .
Your not the cleaner cook bottle washer you are allowed to se your friends and leave a few things lying around.
Tell him to loosen up I'm fuming for you x

He is being an absolute c*nt!!

Not only did you give birth only 4 weeks ago but it was a c-section too!!! That is major surgery you need to recover from. You’re already doing waaaaay more than I did at 4 weeks pp and I had an easy vaginal birth.

I remember hoovering 10 days after birth (felt absolutely fine and was recovering well) just as the midwife turned up and she gave me an earful🤣

Honestly I would do the bare minimum and let yourself relax and if your husband is so concerned by any other “mess” he’s got a pair of hands he can use to tidy it up.

Oh just tell him to fuck off - I wouldn't even entertain listening to that bullshit

Yet another post about a man who doesn’t seem to want to be a parent. Why on Earth are you even asking who’s being unreasonable - it’s clearly him. You’re doing way more housework than most people who’ve just given birth!

Your priority is your children; if he wants a spotless house he should hire a cleaner, do it himself, or frankly, shouldn’t have had children. They come with all sorts of messes, so he’s in for a shock. Nip it in the bud now and get rid.

4 weeks ago you had major surgery, they cut through your abdominal wall, a significant surgery that takes a long time to recover from. You shouldn't be up mopping floors and vacuuming carpets, or doing laundry or hefting stuff about to tidy up. You need to rest and heal.

We need to start realising that a c-section is a significant medical procedure and needs time to heal. Expecting new mums to be up and running a house, alone all day with a baby (and other children) is unacceptable.

If he wants the house to look better he needs to hire a post-partum doula or house keeper/cleaner/maid to do this stuff so you can focus on healing and feeding your new baby.

Cluster feeding is normal and it's important to feed more not less at these times to maintain the supply this early on.

It’s heartbreaking to read you defending him and calling him ‘amazing’.

He is utterly cruel. There is no other word for a man who actively encourages his wife to damage herself physically after major surgery (to deliver his child) because he wants to come home to a show home.

Perhaps you have convinced yourself this is pretty normal, or within the boundaries of a ‘normal husband irritation’ but please listen to the women on this thread telling you that it isn’t. It’s normal to be treated with basic love and kindness by your husband after giving birth. That’s not some unattainable ideal, it’s normal and basic. What you are experiencing is horrible and upsetting to even read.

I hope you have some support during this very vulnerable time from someone else. You’re clearly not ready to face up to the reality of who your husband is and how little he really cares for you, which is totally understandable. You’re four weeks PP. Please look after yourself and your babies and when you feel strong enough, consider the example that you’re setting for them by describing this viciously unkind and uncaring man as ‘amazing’.

there’s a lot of DH bashing so not going to add to that, only you know if you want to work at it. My productive advice would be
a) has he ever seen a counsellor about his OCD and impact that has on others?
b) has he taken much paternity leave to live in your shoes? Men are now often eligible for same as women.
c) could you use a haakaa pump at night to collect let down milk and then he does an evening bottle feed, to bond with the baby, help reduce cluster feeds (when you’re empty) and to give you some time out: to be with your other child eg just read a bedtime story or cook dinner. We did this at 5pm every day and it really helped.

He’s a wanker. I’m 8months and my house still looks like a bombs gone off!

This!

There's being useless, or weaponising incompetence or being lazy which do seem to be pretty common going by threads on here but then there is the kind of man who argues with his four week post partum wife about her not doing enough housework (when she's already doing more than is safe or recommended!), criticises her for daring to take her kid on a festive outing and tells her to 'have a productive day'. It's on another level of being a shit human being.

Please please please show him this thread!

You had a section four weeks ago and he's complaining about the housework you haven't done instead of doing it himself? Tell the nasty fucker to get on with it.

alternatively, tell him where the door is, and call a locksmith as he is on his way out.