It's ok to disinherit a firstborn if remarried and have a new family, right?

Can you invite yourself (and your dc) around to your beloved aunt's for Christmas day?

OP, as someone who has a narcissist as a mother, cut your losses and run free! They will never change. I used to dream that one day she'd change and become the perfect mother I see others have. But they don't change and they don't deserve your love. We don't ask to be born yet they resent us anyway. Don't give her anymore of your tears, thoughts or time. Enjoy your own family and don't look back. Tell her to shove her inheritance where the sun don't shine!

Well sadly something similar has happened to me- my father is leaving 3/4 of his estate to his son by his second wife, despite the fact he supported his son all through his life and university , but refused to do so for me- he also lied about his financial position to keep me onside for over 40 years. I found out by accident he had been lying all this time- I confronted him and he still is going to leave 3/4 to his son. I had to make a straight choice, am I angry and upset enough to cut him out of my life, or do I continue to turn a blind eye.
This is also not about money- I was incredibly hurt when I realised he feels responsible for his son ,but not for me. I my case my Dad was punishing me for going to university when he couldn't- but apparently he got over that by the time DS went (he crashed out after a year) A parent taking their frustrations about their own lives out on their children is always very ugly.

I feel sorry for you and understand how difficult it must be due to some issues I have that are similar. I think your mother is being entirely unreasonable. If I had a child by a different partner there’s no way I would want them to be disinherited. I would leave her to stew with her money for a while, perhaps for all time.

Unfortunately we can’t pick our patents. Your mother is a despicable pathetic excuse of a human being. How could a mother treat her own child like that and to disinherit you too?! Disgusting really. As a mother I could never do that to my child. You’re better off without her. Don’t feel rejected, this is on her, not you. She’ll regret this one day.

Well I’m guessing it’s ok because my ex-twunt has done this to his one and only daughter 😢😢

Your mother is cruel and unkind. Giving away a child's much loved pet is actually evil.

Please recognise that everything happening and happened is on her and not you.

Please protect yourself from her going forward and don't allow her to cause you any more pain.

Some people (too many) hate their ex more than they love their children. That's what it comes down to , sadly.

She'll never be the mum you want or need because you're your father's daughter. That will never change. She will never change.

If you don't want to go NC, then keep it as a minimum, small talk only, non committal, "that's nice", "ok" type comments and try your best not to bite. You'll never get the apology you deserve , instead you'll be made to feel like crap for upsetting her. When you do bite occasionally, because you're human, do not apologise and reject the guilt. Every action has a reaction. This is what she gets for failing to be a decent human being.

God these are such awful stories. I am so sorry you had such cruelty to deal with

I have two step siblings, and my father not recognising them in his will is apparently another reason why I have been disinherited by my mother.
🖕
This is a made up reason from your mum, she didn’t have your siblings when she met and married him so they are his Ex wife’s children. They are not his stepchildren, when your mum met your stepdad she already had you so when they married you became his stepdaughter. She is just making shit up as an excuse, she knows you wont argue the point because you fear her wrath, you fear being excluded so she uses that like a weapon against you.
Its her money and she can do what she wants with it, the truth of the matter is even if she left it all to you, it wouldn’t make up for the love she didn’t give you or her past actions.

It’s about hurting the child, having the power to destroy something precious they love. My stepdad killed my cat because that’s what he wanted to do with me, get rid of me. He took away the one thing that loved me back.

Oh @SpryCat I'm so sorry.🌷🌹🌺

Don't Apologise any more, it won’t get you anywhere, your mum is incapable of love, she sees your siblings as extension’s of herself so she isn’t loving them really, she is loving herself.
She has spoken to you about when you write a will, that you should include your siblings and have any money split three ways between them and your daughter. She is bigging them up to you in importance whilst putting your daughter down! So she can tell you how to write your will but goes batshit if you touch on the subject of her will.
I bet every family celebration she causes trouble, she falls out with you and enjoys you apologising, doing everything you can to get her to forgive you so you will be included. It’s all bullshit, a mind game of hers to beat you with.

What is it with narcissistic mothers and cats? My uncle has a childhood memory of his narcissistic mother drowning a litter of cats in the kitchen in front of some of the children, who were crying. She says it never happened.

These stories are just appalling.

I had a narcissistic mum and stepdad too, I remember very well hiding my reactions, trying to keep a poker face from 11 years old upwards whilst nasty things to cause the most upset were said to me. My mum and stepdad would be rowing and I’d be pulled to chose sides, obviously I could never chose them both and when they finally made up it was Me who got the blame. They had to have a scapegoat as they didn’t see they were ever to blame for anything.
Then only thing I had that I felt loved me at the young age was a beautiful cat, stepdad put him in a box, sellotaped it over and over again so there was no escape and chucked it in the river.

Your Dad is not responsible for providing for children, that are not related to him in his Will. I find it bizarre that your Mother believes your Dad should be including her children she had with her second husband, just because they are your half-siblings!!!!! It makes no sense, let alone logical sense!! Honestly, she is using your Dad as an excuse to disinherit you, in favour of your half-siblings. Would she provide for your Dad's children by his second marriage in her Will (if he'd any)?!! Of course she wouldn't, she'd think the mere suggestion was ridiculous!! Your Mother is being a bitch, and quite frankly I wouldn't want anything to do with someone so nasty and vindictive.

I think this is what’s behind a lot of falling out when someone dies. Even though they might have written the will some time ago, it feels like a weighing up of what you meant to that person, and in a way it is. It’s also an explicit ranking and rewarding of the different people who were involved in the deceased’s life

That woman is the Antichrist of all mother’s! You haven’t upset her or caused her any distress, she chose to be upset with you this close to Christmas. You, not covering up your emotions in front of her, didn’t cause this neither. She is narcissistic, this all on her! In her eyes you are an extension of your dad, not her like your siblings are.
She chose to make you feel unwanted, not part of her, to make your siblings feel you were an interloper.
She chooses to place her feelings towards your dad onto you, her ego couldn’t bear that you were close to him. She demands 100% loyalty and she saw your love for your father as a betrayal that you chose him even though you were a small child at the time.
She remarried and had two more children who turned out exactly like her, they didn’t have to choose between them because their dad is still married to her. Has she divorced their dad and felt discarded, married again and had more children, they too would’ve been rejected.

You should be on your hands and knees thanking the lord that you didn’t end up an extension of her, that you are not her clone.

I wouldn’t subject myself nor any children you have to that family, they are toxic.
I wouldn’t lose anymore sleep over them neither, you’ve been walking on eggshells all these years trying to not displease/ upset her, and keep everything on an even keel but the reality is, you having your own thoughts and feelings is a threat to her and she will punish you for it. You’re unpicking your conversation with her trying to find anything you said that justifies her reaction but you need to accept that there isn’t one. She deliberately twists anything you do or say as a slight against her. It’s not you it’s her x

Eatcabbage · Today 09:38
She says I'll inherit from my father so I don't need to inherit from her as well, but like I said, it's not about the money, it's about the emotional implications

If you want to leave something to someone then leave it to them

No one can foresee the future and what circumstances change.

MIL and FIL had wills that in the event of one of their death everything was left to the surviving spouse and on the death of the surviving spouse the estate would be split with a small percent to each GC and the rest split between dh and BIL

Except MIL made a new will leaving everything to BIL a week before being diagnosed with dementia

Just because you assume things are going to happen and family are going to be taken care of doesn’t mean they will

If your mother doesn’t leave you anything in her will that just means that she doesn’t want you to have anything.

It’s very arrogant to assume someone else will leave you something because she doesn’t want to.

How old is your mother @Eatcabbage ?

I've asked a few times but you've not said.

I'd assume if you have a child of your own and 3 step children you're at least in your late 30s and your mum is late 50s+ or older.

I don't know, but interestingly both my mother and step father have said that my single child and three step children should inherit equally from me "because that's just how it works"

Not clear- do you have 3 step children in your current relationship/marriage?

What happens to your husband's money when he dies if he has 3 children from a former marriage/relationship? Does some go to your child?

I'd forget it all for now, because she could live for another 30 or 40 years and anything could happen.

The important thing is how to manage your relationship from now.

ExceededUsefulEconomicLife

My dad got remarried this week. I'm also cut out. Surplus to requirements.

It's shit but it's not us, it's them. We've done nothing wrong and they'll regret it one day.

If they are that sort of people they - and what they have taken - are no loss to you. Forge your own path and make your own happiness.💐