To want to kill unwell DH?

Yes we took flu tests. It was my second time having it, had it as a child and was unwell for weeks. this time 2 weeks with a lingering cough going a week later. Its very distinctive, fever dreams, severe fatigue, relentless cough, headache, fevers, lost voice. But very little in the way of cold symptoms such as snotty nose

Me and my husband have had the flu the last 2 weeks. I felt awful, I took it easy, but still got up, did a few hours work from home, walked the dog, went food shopping, did laundry, made dinner, just dotted in-between those things I had naps, honey and Lemons and really dropped my house keeping standards etc

Are you sure you had flu and not just a bad cold? I have never had flu (touch wood), but I understand you are unable to get out of bed apart from to stagger to the loo, maybe sip something and that's about it.

Me and my husband have had the flu the last 2 weeks. I felt awful, I took it easy, but still got up, did a few hours work from home, walked the dog, went food shopping, did laundry, made dinner, just dotted in-between those things I had naps, honey and Lemons and really dropped my house keeping standards etc. On top of that im also pregnant and nauseous. My husband was in bed for a whole week, barely eating, and only drinking when I'd fetch and carry him beverages. I get that he may have been hit harder, but i said he can't do this in the future. I'm not expecting him to be super productive and pretend to be his normal self when ill. But you at least need to force yourself to function as an adult.

I do have sympathy for op, as for some reason when men get these things they just assume it's an opportunity to do literally nothing. You can rest and take it easy, while forcing moments of being a functional adult. Obviously there are exceptions when you are hospital / pneumonia levels unwell.

That makes sense @fraggeek - I can imagine nearly dying of pneumonia definitely would make future respiratory infections quite traumatic. And I'm really glad to hear that you're usually taken care of when unwell and that you have other sources of support.

Honestly this is the only time he's shit. If he wasn't unwell he'd be taking care of me, no questions.
He does his fair share of housework and parenting and he works full time.
He is autistic and I don't know if this impacts on how he behaves when unwell but it is really the only time he behaves this way. It's been worse since 2021 when he nearly died from pneumonia, so I think there's a trauma element there whenever he's ill.
It's just unfortunate I'm unwell at the same time. I do have family who can help, if I were too unwell to do anything in this situation I'd just go with my youngest to stay with my mum.

Are you saying only women can get the flu?

Euthanasia? Its just that its involuntary.

My DH has had the most awful cough for several weeks, and for about a week he was in bed. I WFH and was bringing him meals and Lemsip etc. in between meetings. The thing is - I am fairly decrepit and because he is retired he usually looks after me, which he does beautifully. I usually have breakfast brought to me either in bed or at my desk (upstairs). He gets my lunch for me and cooks our evening meal when I'm working. I find it difficult to make a lot of trips up and downstairs and can only carry things in one hand as I need the other to hold onto the stair rail. I found it really really difficult to not only look after him, but also to look after myself! I was irrationally annoyed at him which was so unfair of me.

Added to that there is the disgusting sound of old man coughing. It is still going on.... I find myself thinking 'why can't you just cough properly '!

"Same for him" indicates you care about and for each other when one of you is unwell. OP is 'expected' to soldier on when she is ill, while her husband gets to retire to his bed to recover.

Why is it overwhelming only men who get so unwell that they can't care for children?

I'm sorry, I don't get this irritation, "hatred and wanting to kill" a spouse who isn't well.
My husband is 75, massive age difference between us and when he's unwell, I get anxious.
Same for him.
Must be other reasons.
🙁

Is he doing the "ill voice"? That alone is good enough reason for murder.

We won't tell if you do!

I also agree!! Please do have this discussion OP.

What is he ill with OP? Because if it’s a cold / man flu then this sort of behaviour grinds my absolute gears. When you become a parent you do have to step up. The days of lounging around with a cold are out the window with small kids on the scene. He should absolutely be helping where he can in the evenings unless he is on literal deaths door. Also one day of this is fine but multiple days of checking himself out for 24 hours is bullshit.

Yes, this! Great suggestion for that conversation.

That your husband is leaving you to do all the care for your younger child when you are that ill and post-surgery is really shocking. He should be the cavalry! I honestly don't think it's a normal 'just what mums do' situation - maybe they do, but only if the dads are utterly shit. It's unforgivable.

I feel your pain. My OH does this when ill. When I'm ill I'm just supposed to get on with it. If we're both ill then he takes to his bed and if challenged about the unfairness says something along the lines of 'You find it easier to keep doing things when you're ill than I do'. Drives me nuts. I'm not better at keeping going, just have never been given an option as he doesn't step up. Hope he recovers soon...

The bit with the screaming kids at bath time would have finished me off too OP. Unless he's at deaths door or recovering from major surgery there was feck all stopping him taking 10 minutes out his bed to come and help!

I have an amazing husband, but there is still no way he would take a day off work to look after the kids unless I was so ill I physically couldn't move. He's self employed and that would be ludicrous. I suck it up! And yes, as a result I am ridiculously jealous of anyone who has the luxury of 'taking to bed' when they are ill. It's just not realistic for the majority of mums with small children.

Maybe he was trying to avoid giving you and the children the bug he's got by staying out of the way.

I've now read all OP's posts and he sounds awful.
You shouldn't need to physically force him to care for his children if you are ill.
You should be able to take to your bed knowing that the father can look after his children. He sounds selfish and incapable.
People who work don't stop being parents when they are at work.
I am a lone parent, if my child needs me I have to stop work (or call in a favour from a good friend if I am physically unable to take care of child e.g. at a conference).

Do you love him, OP?

He was there.

If you want him to help in such situation, tell him. It would be good if you talk about situations like this to see how you want to handle this together.

They'll be another thread on here in about 1 hour moaning about how people who are ill should stay at home and away from work and not pass diseases around before Xmas.

What does he do to make your life easier when you are ill? Does he sort the children and food etc when he comes from work?
If not, that has to change.
Is it and option for him to work from home on that occasion?