To want to kill unwell DH?

You sound tired and resentful. I believe that if a partners work doesn't accommodate family life then changes need to be made. Not saying that's easy but something has to give and currently that's your sanity.

Is there a reason he can't take time off when you are ill? I appreciate if he's already working away dependent on distance it might not be that simple to get back but surely if you are ill before he goes away he can take time off? My dh has had to do so a few times when I've been ill and vice versa.

For now I'd write down a list of points you need to discuss and once he is better have a conversation about how you effectively parent solo a lot and what you want your family life to look like going forward.

My brother is a locum pharmacist he bought some over for us. I had peaks and troths, some hours i could get basics done, some hours i was dead to the world.

Yep, similar here and is especially irritating as he probably got it with all the socialising and late nights last week (that I didn't mind covering) but then I have ended up having to cover his school runs etc this week, make him food, look after sick child (with whom I only got 2.5 hours sleep on Monday) and attempt to meet work deadline and he was still moaning today but was somehow well enough to mutter about my cleaning (not to to his standards) and go out tonight. Think I am getting ill now so feeling bit grumpy

Your clutching and its embarrassing

Oh ok, so if you have pets, children, etc, or need to eat, it's fine to neglect all of those things because your ill? No, things still need doing. And if you are not well enough to do basic daily essentials, then you are likely too ill to be at home and should be getting medical intervention.

In an ideal world i would have taken the 2 weeks off work, but I'm self employed with deadlines, so it didn't allow so i did the bare minimum i could get away with, then I did the bare minimum i could get away with at home to make sure we were fed, hydrated and dog was OK. I had no issues with my husband not working. Just there's some circumstances you have to force yourself to be productive, e.g with children.

I feel you op every time im ill i have to carry on as normal or everything grinds to a halt no one to take over for me.
Dh gets sick he can take himself to bed/check out of family life and recover. Its so frustrating but have no idea how to change it

You need a test to see if you have the flu? If you do have the flu, you will know.

Where you get that from?

plus if flu most folks can’t get out of bed are not doing the shopping and walking the dog as they psychically can’t like me a month ago. I needed help and my adult kids held down the fort for me

You do when you have responsibilities and people are depending on you. Parents in particular need to crack on to some extent unless they're ill enough that social services would be called if there was no one else to look after the kids.

i said he can't do this in the future. I'm not expecting him to be super productive and pretend to be his normal self when ill. But you at least need to force yourself to function as an adult.

No, you don’t have to force yourself to function when you are ill, and you should not be forcing others into your cultish workaholism.

I knew he was going to be in bed doing nothing, they always are, slight hint of a sniffle. Just thought I’d double check.

Should we complain to the pharmacy they are selling faulty tests?

You did not have the flu.

Being sick isn’t a moral failure, you have no reason to be upset with him and joking about killing your husband for being ill is not at all funny. Murder jokes are like rape jokes- abhorrent.

When you are ill, you should go to bed too. I read all your dumb ass reasons why you think you have to carry on, why you won’t ask your DH to take a day off to do the childcare while you are ill. This isn’t a feminist issue where we women must carry on while men get to take to their beds. It’s a certain number of women like you who have martyrdom complexes and resent anyone who isn’t like that.

The difference is that many men do actually kill their wives, whereas the reverse is quite rare.

Having now read all of OPs threads, yes he does actually sound like a useless arse. But I think you have more issues than him being ill. There's a huge imbalance and he needs to step up for sure.

But perhaps in bed with flu isn't the right time. Unless he's got dreaded man flu.

Have you seen the title of your thread?

Can you imagine, just for a second, if a bloke posted on here 'wife is in bed, AIBU to kill her?'

The replies certainly wouldn't be 'oh mate, stick your headphones in and pretend she isn't there.'

This place is a fucking mess sometimes.

Why have you written this thread OP? Your husband's ill. Are you really that arsed to write a thread about it? Heaven for fend someone's ill in bed.

Oh a lot of laundry definitely did wait a few days 😅 but yes you are right, I did the bare minimum to make sure dog was happy and we were fed, but there are ways to make it easier if organised/plan ahead

This is spot on. Totally reasonable to be annoyed if he doesn't help you when you're ill.

Yes to all of this, but also do outsource where you can when you need to - getting a dog walker and supermarket deliveries if ill so that you can conserve energy, and taking time off work completely if that's possible and required. Laundry can usually wait a few days too.

I didn't, I let him rest and bought his drinks and food to him as requested. I said in the future (e.g when the baby is here) if we are both in this situation again, just because I feel better (even though I'm still feeling horrific) doesn't mean everything falls on me, unless completely debilitated (and if you are that ill with flu you should be in hospital) then you can fetch your own drinks, clean up after yourself etc. My parents had flu same time as me and my siblings as a child, I think i would have found it quite distressing if they refused to get out of bed for a week, we still needed fed and our basic needs met, so they did that.

Fair enough. It seems your husband did get hit much harder, like we often hear about. I don't think it's fair of you to expect someone with flu to function well just because you have very mild symptoms.

Is he wearing the dressing gown of doom too???

I do demand. I say you won’t be able to go to work tomorrow, you’re needed here. I didn’t demand and he never did anything to help when I was sick, and I realised this is a total deal breaker and told him that he can look after the kids when I’m sick including if he has to stay home or he can be divorced, and I tell him if I need him to look after them. Why shouldn’t I? He does barely get sick, uses his personal leave to do it, why shouldn’t he have to do it.of course if yours is already away you’re stuck, but if he isn’t you can say you need to stay home, and if you’re very unwell you can say you need to come home. That should be ok in a good marriage. Go into rhe bedroom and say to him I’d like you to think about how it works when I’m sick and I have to carry on looking after the kids without a break and how that would have felt, because the truth is I’m pretty resentful that we are a family but you get sick leave and I effectively don’t, it feels very unbalanced and I feel uncared for.