Christmas is just additional wifework isn’t it?

Yes, I have a good DH but I do still do all the gifts, decorations and cards. DH does the cleaning and laundry though which does lighten the load for me.

I do start drinking at breakfast on Xmas Day and we only have hot buffet foods and snacks throughout the day so no slaving hours over a 3 course meal. So I quite like Xmas Day 🥂🍾

We share and work as a team.
We also ask the oldest children (university age) to do their part. It's extra work at Christmas, yes but not a big deal.

Yes it is but some would view that as a good problem to have, that is to the means to buy the presents and sort the food.

I am reminding myself of this.

How old are you?
It was like that for my mum’s generation often, but not for ours as much. Can’t see many men in their thirties getting away with sitting on their arses all day tbh.

My husband buys and wraps all his own presents for his large family. He does a feast on Christmas Eve which includes cooking a ham and a bunch of sides. He also does prep if I’m cooking on the day (or I help prep if he cooks on the day.) He does most of the online shop. I’ve never specifically asked him to do all this, he would just think it was mad for me to do it all.

It doesn’t have to be so unequal and I’m so glad that women are waking up to this!

Only if you have a shit partner.

Personally, I’d say fuck them all if my dh poisoned them and they treated it as my fault, and I’d expect dh to tell them they are fucking ridiculous and his wife is never ever cooking anything for them again so if they ever want to come over again or us to bring things it will be him cooking.

100% agree OP

If you let him believe that decent men snore, and buy shit gifts, then he will. It shouldn’t be in you to tell him he’s not a decent, non-exploitative man, but it is, and it should only need saying once. Any man who continues once his eyes have been undeniably opened is just a non-decent, exploitative man.

Your dh did it last year, whats his role this year? Because Christmas doesn’t have to be such wife work, was last year not a revelation for you? We are getting closer to even on presents at Christmas. Dh has really stepped up with packing for the holiday we go on on Boxing Day too, after a serious conversation.

Absolutely all the small things!

And DH will do them when presented with a list but he won't identify them. Ever.

We do jobs "on time for Christmas" that have nothing to do with Christmas. Stuff that should be done during year but isn't. Bits and bobs around the house.

I said the EXACT same thing to my friend this evening…fucking Santa does exist for my DP. Spoiler alert, it’s ME!!

Yes. All the work and all the reporting to the "Household Budget". Husband baffled by Christmas expenditure.
I want to run away.

We divide present buying equally, he wraps, he's cooking BUT I know that if anything goes wrong (like he gives everyone food poisoning) the wider family will blame me. He also won't think of the extras like the house needs to be cleaned before guests arrive, we need clean hand towels in the bathrooms, we need to get the second set of glasses out of the attic etc. all the stupid extra things.

We were renovating a room too which added more chaos than usual and delayed me progressing things. Next year will be better. 😜

I don't have a partner. When I look at my parents (with whom I spend Christmas), my Dad does his fair share of the physical tasks, but a lot of the mental load still falls to my Mum. She's only saved from doing more by the fact that she can't get her head around internet shopping. I think it might be a common pattern in a lot of couples.

The vote says it all really, but eff me, every year I think it's going to kill me dead. I do put a lot of thought into presents though, and it's an intense time of year at my work. Online shopping isn't easy. It takes hours. I'm completely sleep deprived because I'm up late doing it. Then there's the hiding. I can't just open boxes and move the project along for fear kids will see stuff. Add the Elf "magic" into the mix, and the fact that we generally like to have a tidy clean house by 24th as opposed to the current madness, and I'm fully demented. While he snores. Of course I could delegate, but I know he'd buy crap presents for his own Mum for example! Then there's the food. And when you're hosting, you've to think outside your normal shop, and have your different recipes in mind. It's a lot. Every year I say I'm starting shopping in June, and every year I don't. I watched this a few weeks ago and felt jealous of a time when the duties were to make the cake, make the pudding, and that was it!

But then I remember they had no washing machines or dishwashers.

I swear my husband believes just as much in santa as my kids do as Christmas just happens. Yes it's shit and I shouldn't have to do it all but if I didn't, it wouldn't get done to my standards, simple as that!

It's what you allow it to be. why take it all on in the first place?

I don’t work, have kids all at school and my Dh does some of the presents for kids and cooks Christmas lunch. I make treats, and clean. We don’t go crazy buying for everyone. We keep it very simple

I don’t have a problem with how we have divided up the workload in our home, and for various reasons, it makes sense that organising Christmas falls to me. But it’s a huge amount of work.

My DH does more now. I have done less as the kids have become teens. He would do it but it would be last minute. I organise the things I want to do and am happy doing to!

Not for me. DH makes the cakes and cooks Christmas dinner.

I get to do the pretty stuff.

Only if you let it be.

I try not to do anything to sort gifts for my husbands relatives. If I have a good idea, or see something, I'll pick it up (we're a team!) but I don't go out if my way to make sure they all gave a gift. Same with writing cards to his family.

My dad cooks Christmas Dinner if we're in my parents home. If we're at mine, I'll do it, but he'll probably give me a hand.

Etc

Yanbu

I split with exdp nearly three years ago and I've had to do less the last three Christmases than the previous ten.

I'm only sorting out my own ds, my parents, a couple of friends and last remaining grandparent.

I hosted once, got all the food in one go and cooked it with my dm (we both enjoy cooking) while my df entertained my ds.

I got the VERY strong impression that exdp has struggled quite a bit to get everything organised the last couple of years (and he has never hosted, always goes to his mum's). It was quite vindicating really, to see that the extra effort I put in was not just in my head.

Yes. DP is pretty good and does his parents and brother, and helps with anything I ask, but all of DD’s stuff is left to me, as is the decorating, as is the general “where are we going when, what are we eating, who do we need to see” stuff. And I’m often dispatched to “pick something” for his niece and sister. To make matters worse I still do it all for late DH’s family too, so even though DP handles his family’s presents I’m still doing two sets! I’m absolutely exhausted already. But it will all be worth it and I’m determined to have a nice day.