Christmas is just additional wifework isn’t it?

If you let it be your job then yes.

I don't, so it's shared equally. I haven't wrapped a single present and I won't be the only one doing the dinner on Christmas Day either.

I just don't do it! We manage to have a lovely Christmas every year without me running myself ragged. We don't bother with any of it. No elf on the shelf, Christmas Eve boxes, trudging around Christmas markets, watching lights being switched on, pantomimes or Carol singing concerts. No presents needed for family as we agreed years ago it was a waste of time and money (if you have to ask what to buy, you shouldn't be buying anything).

Once you've scaled it all back, it's much more relaxing and enjoyable. Try it!

My DH "isn't into Christmas" and so it is pretty much 100% on me to make it happen for my children so they don't grow up as miserly and joyless as their dad.

A few years ago DH got me nothing. I've not forgiven him completely.

Not for me. We share it. Always have done. In fact, my husband does more as he does all the food prep and cooking and wrapping.

My partner does the cookin and I do the presents… we both feel we have the better deal!

I book a meal out, order presents online then chuck stuff into reusable wrapping bags. Dh and dd put the decorations up. I've stopped sending cards pretty much completely. No elf, Christmas Eve boxes or complex cooking here. Will get some nice bits to bung in the oven in my pre booked online order and I'm done. It's as hard as you make it!

My husband pays for everything. I do everything.

It's definitely work, although it's enjoyable work.

Oh god my dh does absolutely nothing for Christmas so I agree.

I have never bought for his side but I think it is still a basic minimum someone should do for their own relatives and shouldn’t be applauded? I still do the lion’s share. Also it irks me every year not only do I have to think of presents from Santa, plus a December birthday ALL of his relatives then text me asking me what to buy the children. I know I am being unreasonable but I’m so sick of making every decision for him and then his family!

Not sat down and worked it out but we both do bits and it gets all done no i don't do martyr-ing

Nope, not in this house. We do everything together. Wrapping presents? Crack open the wine, stick a comedy or some music on and dig in together. Same for buying them, we make lists and order online or I do an afternoon then he does. We make a buffet and we do that together, same for decorating.

I wouldn't be with a man just who just sat back with his feet up while I ran myself ragged. Not on Christmas, not on any day.

We also have friends who buy for our kids so we have to buy for theirs, I tried to stop that too but they want to keep doing it so I have to go along with it. Dh buys me lots of stuff half of which I don't want so I feel I have to make a good effort with his gifts too.

This isn't computing for me. Are people really out there feeling like they're being forced to keep exchanging gifts in some sort of gifting hostage situtation? I understand how the gift list can grow to utterly stressful levels if you don't actively put a stop to it, but what's going on that people are trying to put a stop to it and not being able to?

Yup

It's massively stressful too

You don’t have to go along with it at all. Don’t ask to stop doing gifts for these friends, TELL them you’re not doing it. His family laughed at you? Tell them he’s doing gifts for his family now so all communication goes through him. I honestly despair when I read about the knots people tie themselves in on here. Never in my life has it occurred to me to even think about presents for a partner’s family.

This. It’s what you make it. I don’t do Christmas so if my partner wants it to happen it’s on him. I couldn’t care less about societal expectations of what women should be doing to make Christmas “magical”.

Hit a new low this year when DH asked me to buy his card to me.

I'm a SAHM to an almost 2 year old so obviously I'm going to take on most of the planning/cooking etc but my DH will do nothing. No cooking, cleaning, planning, decorating, wrapping. Sometimes I don't know if it's worth it anymore.

You aren't wrong op.
I don't do much now. Everytime I get a "oh I must do ...." thought about Christmas I just say no!

My Dh does a bit but I deem most of what he does as unnecessary. He goes overboard with decorations and lights, way too much. We do split kids presents but I still find it really stressful whereas he doesn't mind. He will help with food shop too but most planning falls to me. He stepped up a lot after I wanted to cancel Christmas completely a few years ago I was totally overwhelmed.

It's all very easy saying we should simplify but I find no one else is on board. I tried to introduce godparents only gifts but I got laughed at by DH family. We also have friends who buy for our kids so we have to buy for theirs, I tried to stop that too but they want to keep doing it so I have to go along with it. Dh buys me lots of stuff half of which I don't want so I feel I have to make a good effort with his gifts too.

Dh has wrapped all the presents so far. He also coordinated dc lists and his side of the family. I sorted the dc and my side of the family. Pretty much a team effort here. Basically I’m a shitty wife so he has to step in.

But you don't have to do the what is the best brand ..you choose to. You don't have to do the shop...you can give a list they buy you cook as that's what you love.

It can be both. I love my job, but it's work.
I also like Christmas and enjoy the vibes, but pulling off hosting the big day is mega work

Yes, actually that does seem to be true to an extent. There aren't nearly the number of fashion magazines and stuff for men, and they aren't the target market for decorating type stuff either.

I could get worked up, but having watched my mum make her life miserable I decided not to do that.

I always think that about housework generally. I think many women are too swayed by social media for lots of things. They follow crappy influencers like Mrs Hinch and others, feel the pressure to have the perfect house, the latest clothes and the most fashionable makeup etc. Men just don't watch that kind of stuff, do they, so never feel the pressure to keep up with the Jones's. They never compare themselves to others that much, and generally think they, and their house, are great just as they are. 😆

That is definitely not how it works in our house.

But reading through MN this time of year you’re clearly in very good company… I’m amazed more women haven’t just told everyone fuck off Christmas is cancelled if what I see here is a reflection of their Christmas experience and they can’t find a way to scale back and hand stuff off.

Surely your DH will at least be doing gifts again this year? I do hope you didn’t agree to take that back over unless he’s taken something equally time consuming off your plate.

Nope it's almost 50:50 here. We have very young kids and DH wants it to be 'magic' for them just as much as I do. I do more of the present buying and all the wrapping, but he's better at sorting the food shopping and planning when to do what. Cooking we both do although he probably does more of it. I do more of the Xmas activities with the kids eg writing to Santa, baking gingerbread etc etc. We both play to our strengths.

We've definitely cut down the amount of present buying for adults, makes a huge difference.