How long after death of partner before dating?

Do what’s right for you.

I was 48. My husband died after living with a brain tumour for 12 years. He was 50 when he died so 38 when he took unwell. It was a brutal time in retrospect and the last 3-4 years were very hard. I was ready for him to go when he died.
Saying that it was 6 years before I dated. Not sure why it was so long but I needed the children to have left home. Nearly 13 years on from his death I'm remarried and very happy. Another friend remarried after 4 years. She was younger than me and no children. And another friend met someone within 3-4 years.
There's no right or wrong way but children do need looking after. Mine were 17 and 19 so a lot to deal with. Their dad was ill all their childhood which was hard.

Anyone who judges you should remember the old adage:
Don't judge a person until you've walk a mile in their shoes!

Since you have no children I think it is entirely up to you.

This is interesting. I could see some merit in it. I've found relationships which parted amicably, and were happier, easier to move on from than those that didn't. I'm not by any means comparing it to a loss but I left them feeling a trust in love and relationships and a security I could be happy. Regarding your original question, whenever it's right for you.

My nan was your age when my grandad died, she has been alone ever since. Lonely, bitter and expects the whole family to dote on her like my grandad did. Don’t be her! You only have one life…

I read somewhere that widows or widowers who have had happy marriages do move on more quickly.
So your surmising is wrong.

I think there are two very different issues here.

The first is when you feel ready to explore a new relationship. This is of course a very personal decision and absolutely nothing to with anyone else in any way whatsoever (apart from the person/people you are dating, of course).

The second issue is at what point it is appropriate to "go public" about the fact you're dating or have embarked on a new relationship. This is a completely different question and definitely needs very careful consideration, especially when there are children involved. Even if there aren't children, I still think it is kind to be considerate of other people who are grieving (parents, friends etc) who may not be ready to embrace your new boyfriend or partner. Not that I think this should ever stop someone finding happiness whenever they are - just that it is perhaps better to be discreet in the early days.

It's really down to everyone's circumstances. I personally don't think I could. I was single for 8 what's before I met my current partner wasn't fussed and really like my space and independence which I still have as he works away. However I honestly love the bones off him. I couldn't imagine not having him and we have spoke about it and I said genuinely if anything happened to him I definitely wouldn't see myself with anyone else because I have been alone for so long and wasn't looking when we met. I don't think I'd be able to move on even though I know he would want it. I've had friends become widowed and they've moved on within the year and I'm genuinely happy and very encouraging of it. Unless it's. Personal choice like mine nobody should feel they have to be alone because their partners no longer living. Everyone deserves to be happy xxxx

My husband died 3 years ago and I have not been ready. It was a hard short illness combined with Covid, so I looked after him with no support and ended up exhausted and off work for 6 months. My child would have found it very difficult if I dated. Im
hoping at some point to find a companion, a fellow traveller , a friend/lover - but I’ll have to see how that goes. I sometimes feel bad as people keep
asking me if I’m dating (and weirdly I feel almost too reticent to even have to admit thatI’ve only just started to feel even in a place to consider it.)
After losing a partner I wouldn’t judge - it’s a hard road and each person should do what they feel is best (but take into account the feelings of children)

A friend of ours lost their partner after a short illness, then started dating someone a few months after that. They have said the children are ok with it and they all hang out. I can’t and won’t judge our friend after what they have been through and lost, but I do recognise that in years to come the children might look back with less forgiving eyes .

My father died in the Nov, by Christmas his wife had met someone new.
What she did or didn't do wasn't my concern tbh.
I was more upset she cut contact with my child, who was very confused.
Nobody will know how you feel. And I don't believe people have a right to make you feel shit about your feelings.
We are human beings, not robots.
💐

My Stepdad started seeing a woman about 6 months after my Mum died. My DP was horrified, but I wasn't bothered, he'd had a shit few years and deserved to enjoy his life.

I also lost a friend of mine to pancreatic cancer in his 30s. His wife started dating again a year before he he died, at his insistance. She badly wanted kids, he was never going to be able to give her them, and wanted her to be happy once he'd gone. It was unconventional, and she lost some friends over it, but I never judged. They were dealt a shit hand, and dealt with it the best way they could see.

In circumstances where there has been a long illness I think part of the grieving has been while the person was still alive.

I also once read an article written by a woman whose partner had died. She said that in some ways it was easier for her than for her friends who had divorced. The reason being that the relationship itself was never in question.

There was no acrimony or hate. Just love and an utter certainly that the person they loved had gone.

I wouldn’t judge anyone who has lost a partner.

Do what you want to do. I couldn't give a toss what anyone else thought. But I have always been like that!

I'm very sorry for your loss.

If you're ready and you've no children to consider then go for it and have some fun.

I'd just caution against falling too hard for now. It's so soon, I think it's a good rule of thumb not to make any big changes so soon after such a significant bereavement. No harm in dipping a toe in the water though!

My DH died 18 months ago and I know that I am not ready to meet anyone else yet. I may never be.
I would never criticise anyone who wants a new relationship.
As with many things people who know you well and care for you will support your decisions. An old saying springs to mind ‘the people who matter don’t mind and those who mind don’t matter’

This.

I would judge someone for using another person to get over their grief. Unless of course the other person knows and accepts that you are still grieving

I was widowed at 40. I waited more than 3 years but I had a lot of other stuff going on in my life at the time. I could not have handled a relationship. A widowed relative in his 50s waited i think just over a year before he thought about it.
No one can say it's too soon or whatever. They are not the ones on their own when the door closes at night. They are not the ones with no one to just sit and do nothing special with. I had plenty of friends who i could organise stuff with bit no one to just laze in front of the tv with it go to the pub at the last minute.

It depends on a huge number of factors. If a person was ill for a long period of time before dying, some of the grieving may have been endured while they were still alive, and therefore the widow/er ready to move on sooner. If children are involved, it’s always risky to move on too soon. It depends if the marriage was a good one, a bad one, the age of the deceased, whether the death was expected, etc.

I personally know someone who lost a parent a few years ago and the surviving parent moved on very quickly, and handled things extremely clumsily. Friend and siblings are hugely struggling with it even years later (they are all adults) and I doubt their relationship with their surviving parent will ever fully recover.

I spoke to my mum years later, and she said she craved speaking to another adult! Although the man had good points, they had almost nothing in common! I don't think he ever stayed over, which I would have found harder, but we did meet many times, I met his daughters etc. It fizzled out after a year or so though.

You know what, I was a judge and jury.
Not any more, I've seen the real happiness it can bring.

Life's tough, you do you.

Exactly! It’s my opinion, my experience. It doesn’t matter whether you agree or not!

My stepdad (of 20+ yrs) was on dating sites within six weeks of my beloved mum dying extremely suddenly. I'm not sure I will ever really be able to process it. He's since died, and I'm relieved to not have to face it anymore.