How long after death of partner before dating?

This is so difficult because I'm not in your shoes, you feel how you feel BUT are probably more vulnerable than you realise. My FIL moved on very quickly (just a few months) & it was an over the top, intense relationship to the point that his adult children & school aged child were very put out & bottom of the list of priorities. It tore the family apart if I'm honest & I truly think things would have been very different if the relationship was taken slowly & my FIL made separate time for his children. That said his children did not talk ill of him & supported him when his partner & family didn't/wouldn't & I'm so proud of them for that x

I think that might depend on the individual situation. There has been nothing physical between me and DH for 28 years. I will be devastated when his time comes as we are like close friends but dont have a physical relationship of any sort. No one knows what goes on behind closed doors...........or what doesnt

I guess my judgement would depend on how public it was. If you're going on some date, they lowly meet the family etc. wouldn't relaly think much. But 8 months in and posting tons abut the new partner? That's a bit off. I have an example of this in my personal life

Some research:
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/8807029/

This is unfair, no where did the OP say she was looking to replace her husband. If your friend dies, and you meet another friend are you replacing the one you've lost? Or a child? It's a different relationship with a different person.

Whenever you feel ready OP, life is for the living. You'd be doing a disservice to everyone who died too soon to stand still in grief forever.

If I’m honest I would probably judge somebody who moved on within a year, although I would also recognise I was being unreasonable as it’s not my business and would never say anything to anybody or treat them differently. Internally I would still be judging though, sorry.

At one point long before my first husband died I was ill. Ill enough to be going to Papworth, was fortunately OK afterwards.

During this time I told DH something that Che Guevara apparently said as he faced his firing squad, that he wanted his wife to marry again and be happy. I thought this very unselfish and admirable. DH said "You know I feel the same".

I have no regrets that I did as we discussed, remarried and am happy, because I'd have wanted the same for him.

Since you have asked I would say two years.

the kind of people that are going to judge you, will judge you no matter what you do - live your life for you, not them.

Research says that men tend to date or seek physical comfort almost immediately. Women take longer. I think that it's fairer to yourself and the new dalliance to have got over the first grieving stage but ultimately it's your life and your choice.

I'd be surprised at how replacable they were so soon, if the marriage was as happy as you say. But if it suits you, go ahead, as its what you think that counts. You can probably expect the odd raised eyebrow, but largely they will just assume that you weren't that happy after all, up to you if it bothers you or not about what others think.

Fully agree with this OP.

As others have said, and you yourself, it just depends...

Support and hugs to all of you. Each experience is unique. Thus each survivor will feel ready for different things at different times as PPs reflect.

My DH died in Feb 2024 - less than 1 year ago. I am taking it slow. In my early 50s, I don't feel a big rush. Also, my teens are totally not ready. I'm not really ready either. There is so much to do still.

Are you still wearing your ring(s)?

This is really interesting. When my dad passed, I had no unfinished business or trauma... I miss him every day and love him. However, my mum I believe had narcissistic personality disorder. Things weren't peaceful or pleasant when she died and its left a lot of trauma

I loved them both and still do dearly.. . But my dad's passing I made peace with much easier than my mums.

But everyone is different. Only you can tell when the time is right.

My partner died 2 years ago suddenly at 59 after a short battle with cancer. I'm 56 and I can't ever imagine being with anyone else.

I was 47 when I was widowed. A few months later I met someone who became a friend. A year of being friends and he told me how he felt and that was it (I thought he was amazing but had no idea he felt the same)

We've had a lot of unexpected ups and downs healthwise but 13 years later I regret nothing.

Therapist friend told me to never make a big decision within a year of a major bereavement, because often you're still affected by grief and not really thinking clearly or most sensibly.
Big decisions not just dating, but things like whether to move house, change jobs etc.
People often crave change to push the painful time further back into the past, but haven't actually processed their emotions healthily from the loss.
A year is obviously a guideline, but please do make sure you're really ready.
And watch out for wankers who will push your boundaries as they assume you'll be more vulnerable.

Totally up to you OP, everyone else who says you're wrong to date again and should mourn for the rest of your life need to fuck off.
Only one life, get out there and live it the best way you can, do what makes you happy,

I am a widow myself. No kids. I was a bit older than you when I lost my husband. For me its the other end of the scale and I knew I would never look for another relationship but I would absolutely not judge. I would say be careful, stuff comes back and smacks you in the face when you aren't expecting it. I wish you happiness.

@GallyGaff people sometimes do not realise that while an adult can get a new spouse, a child cannot get a new parent and a bereaved parent cannot get a new son or daughter. blood is thicker than water.

Just be happy.
My partner passed away 15 months ago after a very quick illness. It's shit and honestly all you can do is live your life however makes you happiest. For me it really bought home to me that tomorrow isn't promised for any of us, so yes, make plans for the future, but don't sacrifice your happiness today for it, or for the opinions of others. I am definitely happiest on my own, I don't see me looking for another relationship anytime in the foreseeable future, but equally, others are happier in a relationship, and miss the company etc, and they should be able to date whenever they want. The only proviso for me is that whoever you date you need to be honest with.
I am sorry for your loss. I hope you can be happy, whatever that looks like for you x

Well, anyone who thinks a year after someone's death is OK to date others, but doesn't think 8 months is OK, is batshit. There's just 17 weeks difference!

If you have found new happiness, then go for it!

Well, I guess if you read it somewhere then it must be true!