How long after death of partner before dating?

I wouldn’t judge it any more harshly than if someone had split up from their husband and was then dating again after however many months. That they died seems irrelevant to me. They’re gone, you’re still here, and you feel ready to date. That is it.

My partner of 20 years died in July 2020. I was 45 and he was 71. We did not have children together but he was a decent father to my DD. It happened very quickly, hospital on Tuesday, cancer diagnosed on Wednesday but I did not know until the Thursday and dead on the Friday morning. Couldn’t visit much because of Covid restrictions. But also found out when the hospital gave me his phone that there was an OW, so maybe that made it easier to move on.
A year later I got together with someone that we had both known for about 6 years, someone my age and it all came out of the blue, I wasn’t looking for anyone and there he was and 3 years later we are still together and I’m living my best life. I did keep it quiet for a while but people that knew my partner have met him and are happy for me.
So don’t feel guilty. I know 2 men that were remarried within a year of their wives dying.
People are quick to judge but if it feels good for you, just go for it - life is too short as you found out.

You’ve had quite a few months before he actually died to mourn and grieve. It wasn’t an unexpected death. 8 months is fine in my opinion as in reality it’s been a year and a half or close to that.

My MIL was bereaved 6 months ago, me and DH have spoke about 'what if she finds someone'. I'm very much in the 'it's her life and she should do what makes her happy' category, he would absolutely hate it as would feel like she was replacing his dad, but he's an adult and would have to suck it up.

She looked after him amazingly whilst he was ill and then dying, she could not have been a better wife. She absolutely should do what she wants, if that turns out to be a mistake, then well she is an adult and can make her own decisions and learn from it.

I found it difficult after 3 years! But I figured my dad was lonely, I was an adult and I had no right to interfere. So I was outwardly happy for them.

It’s heartbreaking isn’t it? Our loves left us so very quickly and maybe that clouds our thoughts. I’m still grieving, crying and missing my love so much, but others may be in totally different situations. So it’s each to their own, if you’re open and ready for love then you must go for it, I’m not BUT that doesn’t make you wrong!!!! Good luck

My dad got with his do 5 months after mum's death. Very mixed feelinga. We are happy that he's happy but he handled it very badly...blithely told us with no sort of sensitivity. I feel sidelined. His loss I guess.

Exactly if there’s no heartbreak there. What’s the point in waiting? Trying to be respectful in means of time is actually very disrespectful if you think about it. It’s just faking a heartbreak that doesn’t exist.

My ex has a new girlfriend who was widowed a year before they started dating. Apparently. He'd been divorced less than two months. To me, both too soon but that's because he's a dick..

If you're happy, then try and build a new life.

Have you ever lost the love of your life and been on the misery trail? No? Then your opinion is irrelevant to me. 🙄🤷‍♀️

I don’t recall rattling your cage yet here you are squawking away at someone you seemingly don’t care about. I had to look back to see who you were and if I had specifically addressed you. It appears not though apologies if I missed it.

And again the OP asked for opinions so I don’t know why you and others are getting your knickers in a such a knot when people share theirs.

Have you ever lost the love of your life and been on the misery trail? No? Then your opinion is irrelevant to me. 🙄🤷‍♀️

Common rules of thumb seem to be
for women: give it a month per year of the previous relationship
for men: at least wait until the funeral is over
I'm not sure either of those is very helpful, although I think I'd suggest everyone wait at least six months just to get practicalities settled and a bit of a 'new normal' established to begin from.

Hi @GallyGaff.Sorry for your loss.
I can't comment personally as I haven't lost a partner.
But I supported a friend through bereavement in early 40s.
Please just be careful and sure of what you want.
If you are lonely please don't confuse this with wanting sex, as you may have regrets.
But as for judging you, no, I never would x

The OP said in her second post that she has no children.

Are you ready? Really? I would say, do as you feel. I wouldn’t judge. Many will

Yes. Moving in with someone and affecting the dc is not good at all. Discretely dating is not the same thing.

I think it depends what you are looking for. I think anyone who was looking for a serious relationship would be very uneasy about dating somken that soon on the basis they probably aren't really ready.
Have you considered more trying to widen your social circle generally, go to groups, start a hobby, that kind of thing? You might meet someone more organically but at least you might get a better idea of how you feel even talking to someone new.

And totally honest answer is I wouldn't exactly judge as in think you shouldn't do it. But I would definitely raise an internal eyebrow and make assumptions about how happy your marriage had been.
My grandfather had a new partner through personal ads within 2 months of my grandmother dying. (Mid to late 60s I think). On the one hand it's a good job he didn't waste any time as he died within 5 years. On the other hand he was a serial adulterer and they had a miserable marriage so it's definitely coloured my image of his character.

Maybe start looking around and perhaps go on a few dates and see how you feel without making a big noise about it. Go slowly and don't rush into anything serious and it will be over a year before you are in 'introducing as partner' territory anyway.

OR, recognise that you can do what will make you happy, and if some people are judgmental then feck em. It's not our life, it's yours! I would say differently if you had kids but you don't so you are allowed to be selfish as you like.

Hi OP I’m sorry for your loss. As other posters have asked, do you have children, or anyone else who could be directly impacted if you started a new relationship? My mum died after my parents had been married for decades. Within a few months my dad had started dating. Felt a bit insensitive although me and siblings were supportive. However, we found out when dad accidentally texted one of us an intimate message meant for his new gf. So please be discrete!!

I agree with you actually (although obviously this is long way from OP’s original question).
I think if people want to privately start dating after the loss of a loved one, then regardless of the timeframe they should do what makes them happy , and it’s nobody‘s business but their own.
But publicly announcing a relationship and moving people into a family home is quite another matter and obviously there are surely other people’s feelings and grief to consider in those cases.

But that situation is not because the mother was dating. It's because she was dating an arsehole.

It was also because she moved far too fast. It was far too soon for any of her four children. That he was an arsehole obviously made it much worse but her callous disregard for their feelings caused a huge amount of hurt and increased their devastation even before it emerged what a terrible person he was.

But that situation is not because the mother was dating. It's because she was dating an arsehole.

8 months is quite quick so I wouldn't say no, I'd just be as discreet as possible and beware against rushing into anything too deep too soon.

There are a lot of predatory men out there - be careful, particularly if you have been left well off.

Sending love to the widows out there. My mother was a young widow - she remarried after 10 years and they had the loveliest marriage. We were all besotted with our step father who was probably ( other than my own DH) the best human being I've ever known.

Honestly if it was a friend asking me this I'd think 8 months was too soon for serious dating because it's probably not fair on the people you're dating as much as anything.

I agree with it generally, but it’s still not your business. 🤷‍♀️

Fuck me. Is it really such a difficult concept that We’re on a thread where the OP asked for opinions. Though I’m not directly addressing OP’s rather different situation we have expanded to discussing the concept generally as is the point of these boards and as some of those children are related to me then yes it was family business especially as I was in the situation of temporarily having to take in a distressed and grieving 17 year old because her Mother’s new partner was doing everything he could to try to get her out of her home. It’s much more my business than any of the keyboard warriors telling me that I shouldn’t give a shit about the children of relatives and friends especially considering that one of them was with an abusive parent.

I agree with it generally, but it’s still not your business. 🤷‍♀️