Husband issued ultimatum over party invite

Jesus what a load of cringey nonsense. Can't stand families who constantly fall out, blank each other and then make up. I give it 2 weeks before you, the cousins or pil all fall out again.

Yabvu. How incredibly annoying of you to keep changing the goalposts on everyone. This is on you. You drag everyone else into a family dispute, you can’t blame those people for not being able to do a 360 on their feelings.

Cancel the party. Simple.

And then you decide to double down on that mistake. He’s a lucky guy.

OP @Boots4me I get it. I've been in similar situations. No idea what you should do but I didn't want to you to feel as alone as some posters may make you feel.

There are some culture specific MN boards e.g. South Asian Mumsnetters where you might get more understanding.

I’m lost. So your mother is also your cousin? WTF

You told your husbands family to keep their distance and they have done what you asked out of respect for you. Since then you have changed the boundaries without involving them. Then you expect them to meet up with people that they have basically ignored and just pretend that everything is OK just because it suits you. Sorry but you are being very unreasonable

This. It seems the wrong call to keep bad feeling going when there has obviously been a lot done to build bridges. Mistakes were made in terms of how the dispute was handled, but this seems a good time now to put the final nails in the coffin of he dispute by rebuilding the relationship between the in laws and cousins. People need to look forward rather than back, and not inviting the cousins would really be a backwards step

Well it’s too late now, you did involve them. I’d suck this one up, and not have your cousins there.

He's right, it will be embarrassing for him. You've made them do something they wouldn't have done and now things will be awkward for them. You admit you've made a mistake, but asking everyone to pretend it never happened isn't fair. You will have to find a better solution

People aren’t psychic. A BIG chunk of information was missing from the opening post.

Clear as mud

My mil asked me to block an ex relative on Facebook. I said no. You have been immature and embarrassed your parents in law and now you have to work out how to recover from this. Hint: it’s not done by inviting your cousins to your party and apologies will be needed. From you to in laws in case that’s not really clear. Next time your mum falls out with family, do not go along with it.

The fact that you got involved in the first place and then dragged others into it suggests that you love the drama. Of course your FIL is now embarrassed - he had no real dog in the fight and he cannot trust that you won’t have another change of mind and leave him looking silly again. Time to live with the natural consequences. Cancel your party or have the party and don’t invite your cousins (perhaps do a soft launch separately with your FIL and aunt, after your FIL has warmed up to the idea of reconciliation) or call your FIL, apologise profusely to him and ask him to attend.

If your cousins and FIL see each other at the party, are they all the type to just get on and act like nothing’s happened or does some sort of awkward apology or acknowledgement need to be made? If the former, you could try to ask your FIL to attend but also ask him to stick his fingers in his ears and sing LA LA LAAA very loudly the minute you ever try to involve him in your drama again.

You dragged your husband and his parents into this. It's now super awkward for them. You've blown hot and cold. I would begin lose faith in you and I wouldn't be respectful of your decisions in future. Sorry.

Yes. We do know this as it’s been the same for ages now.
You can’t call someone a racist because they are using their cultural norms.
Why the hell would anyone say these responses were racist?

You know there are lots of different sub cultures in Britain, right? That cultural norms differ by race?

You really just doubled down there.

Oh I’ve heard it all now.

Post a question on a British website with 8 million monthly users, mostly of British culture, and we are racist for answering honestly.

Surely you explain to your FIL that the need to avoid speaking to them has gone now that the feud is over and all are friendly again. You thank him for following your wishes up until now, and explain that he can treat them in the manner of any acquaintance he barely knows, ie civil to pass comments on the weather whilst next to other at the buffet, then move onto the next group. If your FIL states he will not engage with a guest you've chosen to invite, the onus is on him to not come, I think. Can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.

Did your inlaws have to actively shun your cousins?

Was it obvious to anyone that they did so? I.E. will the cousins actually know?

There’s always one that goes down this route 🙄

Do you want to explain what culture it is that when you fall out with someone, you make everyone fall out with them?
And then when you decide you want to be friends again you get a strop on because you forget to tell everyone it’s ok to be nice to each other again?

Because that is what the WTFs are about

There is nothing racist about these posts for goodness sake

Cultural differences or not it’s not on to involve other’s in your business and then expect them to go back on that just because you have changed your mind

Someone just had to say a ‘racist’ element!
Not in my opinion, just ppl not communicating clearly to each other.

Why though? Have there been scenarios where they’ve interacted socially and your FIL has had to ignore them?

I think you owe an apology to your in laws, explain you’ve reconciled and hope things can be civil moving forward and you won’t involve them in this way again.

There's a huge cultural element that all of these WTF posts are failing to understand.

Yes it's an odd situation to most but I dont you if you realise how many of these posts are giving "kinda racist".