To give up on a long term friendship due to difficulties meeting up?

No need to give up completely. I have friendships which have existed on the occasional message every few months for years - things can change in people's lives and friendships take greater or lesser priority, especially when people have young children, or have families at different times or no family etc .

When I had children I never had any difficulties making arrangements to meet up with friends. She's rude and your friendship isn't important to her. Drop her.

I wouldn't give up on the friendship entirely. Its normal for friendships to fizzle and come back when children are involved or getting with new partners etc.

I don't see my closets friends often - some live in the same town, others half hour way and my best friend an hour and a half away. Sometimes texts can be sporadic as we all have 2 children each. But when we do get together it is like we haven't spent months not seeing each other.

I'd take a step back and let her do the arranging and date organising. When she text for a date, say you need to know the date then and there as you have other things being planned.

There are two types of people

• we must meet up for coffee
• we must meet up for coffee, when are you free

The first lot say it but don't mean it. It's their equivalent of talking about the weather or the traffic, it's a space filler that makes them sound engaged with you, friendly & interested.

The second ones mean it & fix a date.

No need to give up on it entirely. Just downgrade your expectations of the friendship.

I’m sorry you seem to be losing such a longstanding friend, especially as you live within 5 minutes of each other, and do have a good time when you do get together.

There’s a thread like this practically every month. What makes your situation sadder and more frustrating than others is that it’s your friend who seems to be suggesting meeting up and then not following through.

PPs do have a point, you might just have to accept the friendship has fizzled out but I would have to say something because she is either unaware how flaky she is being or is taking the piss and offering you crumbs by showing you she thinks of you from time to time but that’s all the space she has for you in her busy life.

Next time she suggests meeting up without being specific, ask if she realises how often she says that and how rarely she makes it happen. You’re good friends so tell her how annoying and disappointing that is. Tell her that if she isn’t going to meet up with you because she has no time for you then she’s wasting your equally valuable time with her pointless texts.

Personally, I think the trend (if you can call it that) of only texting rather than actually talking on the phone has caused a lot of these problems. Texts get forgotten whereas a quick call with both calendars open saves a lot of back and forth. It’s quicker. Also a phone call is a quicker way of having a good chat and a laugh. You might laugh at a funny text but it’s not the same as laughing with a friend.

I'm clearly going against the grain but disagree: I think people really overthink this and read poor motives into things which are actually just people being busy. Life intervenes and sometimes it gets harder to meet up with people. You have to go with the flow sometimes. You can't expect people to maintain the same intensity when there are young families in the mix as you did pre-kids.

People are so quick to flounce off and block and make big statements. It's unnecessary and counterproductive. Just back off for a bit, give one another some space and see what happens. Chances are you can pick it up when you both have more time.

OP, could she be suffering from anxiety? I am terrible at planning anything, it feels suffocating and I normally just put it off put it off put it off...

I gave up on a friend for the exact same reason. The straw that broke the camels back was when we were finally having a text conversation, which she’d instigated (this was unusual). I told her that I’d had to resign from my dream job and there was literally no response, nothing. I waited weeks, weeks turned into months. In the end, I thought ‘I can take a hint, this has been going on for too long’ and I blocked her. Haven’t looked back 🤷‍♀️

I still look back on our friendship with fondness but maybe we only had uni in common.

I have a similar situation with an old friend, except we don’t have young kids. She is nice in other ways (always messages to say happy birthday/christmas/new year etc) and feels close when I do see her, but arranging to meet up is like pulling teeth!

She often suggests abstract plans like must go for a drink/dinner soon, but pinning her down to a specific date is almost impossible. I messaged her recently to suggest catching up as I haven’t seen her since June. She replied that she’d been thinking the same thing and would suggest something but I’m still waiting…

No need to tell her you are ending the friendship, but in your head, just relegate her to acquaintance rather than friend. If she asks you what dates you are free, just say any day except for x, y and z and put the ball back in her court.

If she messages again be blunt and say that you suggest dates and no replies. Met a girl from my primary same thing weeks to commit. Time wasters

This is what it's like with my friend. She messages around 7th-12th October and says 'wanna meet soon?' I say 'sure... I am available from 16th to 31st October except for the 30th. (She is only ever available for 2 to 3 dates out of any given month! 🙄)

Then she says 'I have some days free during that time. I am a bit busy, but can meet on either the 18th, the 20th, or the 29th of October. My daughter hasn't let me know which dates she is working yet as she hasn't got her rota yet, so I will have to let you know nearer the time!' (She looks after her daughter's child on 4 or 5 days of the month.)

So meanwhile I have to keep all 3 dates free, just in case? She often sees fit to make me wait a week or more before letting me know - often until JUST before the first date SHE gives, because I have announced I am free for most of the last 2 weeks in October! (I work from home and it's very flexible.)

I have started to say 'I am free from 16th October to 31st October - except the 30th - AT THE MOMENT! If I don't hear from you for a week or so though, some of those free dates may be unavailable then.' (Oddly, she messages back the next day with a date then!)

But yeah, I have actually stopped contacting her first - (as I always have) - in the hope she will not contact me again. It hasn't worked though! 😆

Unlike your friend though @Apricotmuffino she does work 2-3 days a week, and has 4 children (youngest is 15, oldest is 29, and 3 of them live at home,) and she lives 20 miles away. If she was 5 minutes away (walk OR drive,) and we had young children of the same age, I would be surprised if she was like that then.

Tricky one, when THEY won't fuck off and let the friendship die, and we're too chicken shit to ghost them and block them! 😂

As I said, when a friendship is bloody hard work, and causes you stress, you need to bin it off. But it's so HARD. Especially if you have known them for some years/several decades! (And they are seemingly not seeing any issue!)

You sound like a really lovely friend and deserve better than this.
You have tried your best here and your friend should show you consideration.
It doesn’t have to be a dramatic ending. Just stop messaging her, and if you hear from her I think it’s fine to tell her you’ve been disappointed in trying to organise things that don’t happen.
It is hard to let go because sometimes a friend is like a huge signpost in our lives, bringing back so many lovely memories.
All the things you have researched/planned go
anyway. It is time to make some new friends you have something in common with now.

Glad you've taken it well OP. 😉

I would just let this friendship go now. She's not being fair to you, she asks for a catch up then ignores your response with dates available. It's a mind game. Ignore any further comments about meeting up. Either keep it to a text here and there or just don't bother with any further communication with her.

She lives 5 minutes away and you both have a child similar ages.

Take the hint OP she's not interested.