This school makes me uncomfortable and I want to scale back interactions

Yes, exactly. You’re absolutely not obliged to befriend her, OP, or be any more than ordinarily friendly in passing, but there’s no need to demonise her.

From what you've shared, she sounds lonely and her crime is trying too hard to be friends with you. If you aren't feeling it, just let her know gently, but to make out she's some kind of bunny boiler is an overreaction on your part.

Because she thought she was? And liked the idea that the OP’s DD was so keen on her DD that she was disappointed not to be going home with her?

Some people are constitutionally incapable of reading reactions apart from in the terms they want to be the case.

My harmless MIL has, as long as I’ve known her, been doing this thing where she clicks her fingers right up in babies’ faces and claiming ‘They love that!’ while the baby cries in irritation. I have no doubt she genuinely thinks they love it, despite all evidence to the contrary. Likewise she likes to take a toy or sweet off an older child, hide it behind her back, and interpret their distress as them ‘loving the game’. She has no conscious sinister intent, just a desperate desire to make children and babies respond to her, plus a tin ear for interpreting actual expressions.

OP, I'm with you. She sounds all levels of wrong.

And maybe the 'wrong' is something completely innocent.

Mayve she has anxiety that makes her react in the way she does - overly worrying, fussy etc and it's nothing more than that and nothing untoward.

Or maybe there is something a bit sinister and stalkerish about it.

But I wouldn't be comfortable with this either.

There’s always a thread about school mum friends on here, and this is why I don’t make school mum friends. You have a lot of years to despise each-other if it all goes tits up. That, and the whole comparison thing, given that my DC is speech delayed. I don’t need the judgement or the small talk.

Huge difference between offering or giving help to then being all pushy and into your business with nosy texts.

The former is normal, the latter is very off putting and why people back away.

Wow you sound dramatic. She probably wants to make sure her child has a friend, thats all.

She’s too much and I would start trying to avoid her. I’m shocked at the responses on here to be honest. Why lie and say your daughter was really upset when she wasn’t? Really weird.

Lots of people will tell you to trust your gut if a situation feels "off". It doesn't matter whether that's a date, a friend or a school mum. If your gut says something's not right then I'd listen to that.

Back off and make yourself much less available. Don't reply to every message. If you do reply then don't answer her questions - so if she wants to know if you're going to an event and what time you'll be there, then tell her you haven't decided but you hope she has fun. Don't respond to chasers. If she wants to know why you aren't replying then ask her why it's so important to get to know your schedule?

OP, listen to your gut.
Something is off.
She is all over your business and I can understand how that feels too much, because it is.

Stop replying to any ridiculous queries as to your time keeping etc.

If she asks you didn't notice her message.
She is not your mother and your time keeping is none of her business.

She is trying to force intimacy and that is why it feels off.

Be busy busy busy and be breezy but rushing.

Do not have any futher play dates.

It could all be just a pushy woman trying to make friends but for many pushiness is very off putting.

Be firm with your boundaries that you are busy with a busy life, family, work etc so don't have much spare time.

You have a long road ahead of you in the school so keeping it polite and friendly is the wsy to go.

I’ve experienced this and so agree ..

So this is nothing to do with ‘school’ as in your title, just an individual parent?

Do you struggle with relationships and communication in general, OP? Because this seems to be making a mountain out of a molehill. She misinterpreted your daughter’s response as indicating upset that she wasn’t going home with her classmate and her mother, and because (rather like you) she seems to be someone who makes a mountain out of a molehill, she exaggerated it, to give the impression (which she may genuinely believe) that your DD is very fond her child.

I think she’s just someone desperate to make friends by being of use, and without much else going on in her life. It’s entirely up to you whether you have anything to do with her. You don’t like her, so don’t see her other than a quick hello in passing.

Going against most of the pp's she sounds fucking weird to me. I'd feel majorly uncomfortable with an acquaintance being so nosy about my life too. She sounds like she's way too intense for the situation. Trust your gut, scale her back

I think it's really off that she took your child into her home without your knowledge or consent, and it's weird that she's so insistent about a child she only has what sounds like a very passing acquaintance with.

Trust your gut, especially if getting that kind of feeling is unusual.

When you don't have your family nearby or close friends with kids, then you have to make your own village - MN is very big on making your own village! But I think this is just what she is trying to do. If you get bad vibes then fair enough, but I suspect you might be over reacting. The fact that she took your child to her house on the way so hers could get changed just seems like such an everyday thing. Maybe they were heading out somewhere, maybe she thought you'd ask her in for a brew and the kids might play.

Yes - agreed OP

You were there - we weren’t - and it sounds like you’ve got the gist of things

In my experience of people like this they end up being a nightmare. I'd trust your gut OP....

It's hard to say without knowing her but to me it's just sounds as though she is trying to be a friend.
When my children were at school this is how me and my friends helped each other and became very close. And I don't think it's unusual for children to assume someone who has picked them up before is going to pick them up again or for them to ask to go their friends house after school.
But if you are uncomfortable it's up to you whether you cool the relationship.

Maybe a bit of a bunny boiler type.

@thisskiil I guess you need to go with your gut, wounds like you hand great support and help , lucky you . Just let her know clearly you aren’t interested in her help or reciprocating.

From your descriptions and updates OP I’d find this annoying and suffocating as well.

So YANBU.

Go with your gut OP