Long story short. This is our 3rd Christmas apart. First one we were in the midst of the full horror of divorce. XDH came to us, brought nothing.
Second one, I said XDH could come round to us on Christmas Day but that I was buying gifts for the DC and he should do likewise. Lots of moaning from him about how he's not good at this stuff. He ending up asking what I'd bought for them. He then TOLD them what I'd got in a "your Mum's bought XYZ, what can I get you?" This included things which were going to be surprises. I didn't know until Christmas Day when DC told me.
So this year I'm not telling him a thing. XH is really pissed off by this and says I'm being petty. I mentioned to a friend last night and she clearly thought the same - she said I should tell him the main things and just keep the surprises a secret.
What say you all?
Background: DC are teens, they live with me full time as XDH won't have them overnight. He takes them out for the day sometimes. I find him lazy and irritating and maybe I am being petty as a result. But I feel I should model best behaviour as whatever I do he'll tell the kids.