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AIBU?

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Original poster

Annoyed at another school mum for overly trusting her daughter

84 replies

HelloUniverse · 18/12/2024 09:45

My dd10 has been friends with a girls for a long time. Last week I received a text in the morning from her mum saying my dd was showing ‘threatening behaviour’ and was going to ‘spread nasty rumours’ about her friend and I should sort this out with my daughter. I asked my daughter and she denied it, and was a bit shocked her friend had said this about her. They went into school that day and played happily together and everything was fine. Even the friend’s mum acknowledged that they were both fine at school. AIBU to be annoyed at the mum for accusing my daughter automatically and not finding it strange that one minute she finds my daughter threatening and the next she’s best friends again? Luckily my daughter isn’t sensitive and has bigger things going on in her world that this doesn’t bother her. But it bothers me that my dd was accused of something (no witnesses or evidence) and the mum has just moved on, without even acknowledging her dd may have made this up?

OP posts:
Original poster
HelloUniverse · 18/12/2024 17:21

Soontobe60 · 18/12/2024 17:16

Maybe it isnt a rumour though. Maybe your DD is being unkind to the other girl. Id speak to the teacher about this to get a more balanced view.

There are no witnesses, they are even in different classes.

OP posts:
GabrielOakRose · 18/12/2024 17:19

Maybe your dd was nicer to her as she was called out on her mean girl behaviour?

Original poster
HelloUniverse · 18/12/2024 17:17

GinAndJuice99 · 18/12/2024 09:56

The mother sounds very immature. I doubt the daughter made it up completely though

Of course there’s no smoke without fire, I acknowledge that but the other mum is unwilling to acknowledge that her dd could have made it up or exaggerated the truth! My instinct wouldn’t be to tell the mum and still allow the girls to continue being friends…? I would want to avoid that girl at all costs!

OP posts:
Soontobe60 · 18/12/2024 17:16

Maybe it isnt a rumour though. Maybe your DD is being unkind to the other girl. Id speak to the teacher about this to get a more balanced view.

Original poster
HelloUniverse · 18/12/2024 17:14

Chrysanthemum5 · 18/12/2024 14:18

I had similar. DS (when he was about 12) went on a sleepover and there were several boys there. One of the boys used their iPad to look up porn and then showed it to the younger boys. The mum contacted me to say it was DS so I spoke to him and he said it wasn't and he knew nothing about it. The mum then contacted school to say that DS was a pervert and shouldn't be allowed in the school. At that point one of the other boys confessed he had done it not DS. The school quite rightly said they couldn't take responsibility for something that happened outside school and told her to be very careful in future before accusing children.

The other mum never even said sorry. DS had been great friends with her son and kept receiving invites to go to his house but I refused them all - how could I trust her not to do something similar again.

Exactly this, I can’t trust dd’s friend or her mother. The mother thinks I’m breaking up friendships. Honestly I don’t understand, I would be telling my daughter to stay away from anyone who was willing to make up rumours about them!

OP posts:
Original poster
HelloUniverse · 18/12/2024 17:10

Endofyear · 18/12/2024 13:59

Did you ask her what she meant by threatening behaviour? And what rumours? Maybe she just believed her daughter as you would (and did) believe yours? If this girl is really making up stuff about your daughter, I'd be discouraging the friendship - are you happy for your daughter to carry on being friends with her?

I questioned the mum why she wants her dd to be friends with my dd if she feels she’s not a good friend by showing threatening behaviour and feels my dd is capable of spreading rumours. The mum insists that they are good friends and this shouldn’t stop them continuing to be so. Does that seem rational to you?

OP posts:
Chrysanthemum5 · 18/12/2024 14:18

I had similar. DS (when he was about 12) went on a sleepover and there were several boys there. One of the boys used their iPad to look up porn and then showed it to the younger boys. The mum contacted me to say it was DS so I spoke to him and he said it wasn't and he knew nothing about it. The mum then contacted school to say that DS was a pervert and shouldn't be allowed in the school. At that point one of the other boys confessed he had done it not DS. The school quite rightly said they couldn't take responsibility for something that happened outside school and told her to be very careful in future before accusing children.

The other mum never even said sorry. DS had been great friends with her son and kept receiving invites to go to his house but I refused them all - how could I trust her not to do something similar again.

Endofyear · 18/12/2024 13:59

Did you ask her what she meant by threatening behaviour? And what rumours? Maybe she just believed her daughter as you would (and did) believe yours? If this girl is really making up stuff about your daughter, I'd be discouraging the friendship - are you happy for your daughter to carry on being friends with her?

GinAndJuice99 · 18/12/2024 09:56

The mother sounds very immature. I doubt the daughter made it up completely though