Page 3 | Annoyed at another school mum for overly trusting her daughter

HelloUniverse · 2024-12-18T09:45:22+00:00

My dd10 has been friends with a girls for a long time. Last week I received a text in the morning from her mum saying my dd was showing ‘threatening behaviour’ and was going to ‘spread nasty rumours’ about her friend and I should sort this out with my daughter. I asked my daughter and she denied it, and was a bit shocked her friend had said this about her. They went into school that day and played happily together and everything was fine. Even the friend’s mum acknowledged that they were both fine at school. AIBU to be annoyed at the mum for accusing my daughter automatically and not finding it strange that one minute she finds my daughter threatening and the next she’s best friends again? Luckily my daughter isn’t sensitive and has bigger things going on in her world that this doesn’t bother her. But it bothers me that my dd was accused of something (no witnesses or evidence) and the mum has just moved on, without even acknowledging her dd may have made this up?

Original poster

HelloUniverse · 18/12/2024 18:14

Havingaswimmoose · 18/12/2024 18:10

Even her form teacher would have been shocked to hear what my dd had been accused of.

Are you sure about this? Are teachers so easily affected?
Don't teachers take all this nonsense in their stride?
I'd hope so.

I have no idea, I’ve never had to deal with teachers due to my daughter’s behaviour or because someone else has been mean to her. This other mother on the hand has been in several times with various issues here and there.

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Havingaswimmoose · 18/12/2024 18:10

Even her form teacher would have been shocked to hear what my dd had been accused of.

Are you sure about this? Are teachers so easily affected?
Don't teachers take all this nonsense in their stride?
I'd hope so.

Original poster

HelloUniverse · 18/12/2024 18:09

flakesofcorn · 18/12/2024 18:06

That tells me all I need to know...my kid can do no wrong, everyone loves her, she is an angel, shines in everything she does, she doesn't need this other girl.......

Speaks volumes.

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Of course she does wrong, she’s 10, but at school we have never had issues, sorry for stating all the above as fact?!?

You have also missed the bit where I said I tell her to go and apologise straight away, what ever she has done, she knows this, and yet she would cause trouble with this girl, also knowing what her mother is like?

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Original poster

HelloUniverse · 18/12/2024 18:08

NeverDropYourMooncup · 18/12/2024 18:04

I'd rather the behaviour stopped and they remained friends instead of having the big 'I'm not allowed to talk to you because my Mum hates you' or the playground politics of other kids feeling like they need to take sides for the next 2-9 years depending upon where they all go for Secondary and in all out of school activities.

Not going to mention that the reports are compiled from comment banks where any kid's name can be inserted automatically, especially in cases where a school wants to work upon kindness or to give all parents something to be pleased about

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Fair point on the report, I agree it’s all copy and paste but she is known in general for being kind and caring so it’s not that far off.

You have also assumed the other girl is telling the truth, what if she isn’t? What if this girl makes up more elaborate lies about my DD?

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flakesofcorn · 18/12/2024 18:06

HelloUniverse · 18/12/2024 18:03

Exactly this, I’ve told my DD to stay clear as she keeps getting her into trouble, but this other girl just wants to continue being friends! My dd doesn’t need her, she’s popular, fun, caring, shines in everything she does, all the teachers absolutely love her. They tell me she’s an angel and I say “okay where is the real dd” because I know she’s well mannered and well behaved girl and have never had any reason to think otherwise, from other parents or teachers, except from this one girl!

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That tells me all I need to know...my kid can do no wrong, everyone loves her, she is an angel, shines in everything she does, she doesn't need this other girl.......

Speaks volumes.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 18/12/2024 18:04

HelloUniverse · 18/12/2024 17:45

Okay so the consensus seems to be that my dd did say she would start rumours, and showed threatening behaviour. Would you want your DD to continue to be friends with my DD?

I'd rather the behaviour stopped and they remained friends instead of having the big 'I'm not allowed to talk to you because my Mum hates you' or the playground politics of other kids feeling like they need to take sides for the next 2-9 years depending upon where they all go for Secondary and in all out of school activities.

Not going to mention that the reports are compiled from comment banks where any kid's name can be inserted automatically, especially in cases where a school wants to work upon kindness or to give all parents something to be pleased about

flakesofcorn · 18/12/2024 18:04

She believes her child and you believe yours. Seems strange though that the other child was upset enough to mention it to her mother in the first place out of the blue like that.

Original poster

HelloUniverse · 18/12/2024 18:03

DemonicCaveMaggot · 18/12/2024 17:49

In your shoes I would point out to your DD that her friend's 'exaggerations' could get your DD into a lot of trouble and that good friends don't act like that. I wouldn't be encouraging the friendship either - I don't like sneaky liars who get people into trouble for their own amusement.

Her mother is illogical and silly and I wouldn't bother talking to her about anything.

Exactly this, I’ve told my DD to stay clear as she keeps getting her into trouble, but this other girl just wants to continue being friends! My dd doesn’t need her, she’s popular, fun, caring, shines in everything she does, all the teachers absolutely love her. They tell me she’s an angel and I say “okay where is the real dd” because I know she’s well mannered and well behaved girl and have never had any reason to think otherwise, from other parents or teachers, except from this one girl!

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Lilactimes · 18/12/2024 18:03

I think if there’s a history with the other girl and mum, then back out.
if it’s first time, and they’re good friends usually - let it go and try not to get involved in friendship dramas they can be fairly intense at that age for next 3 or 4 years!
try and be a good listener, then ask if your child just wants to offload or wants suggestions. Wherever possible, unless obvious red flag situations best just to listen I reckon x

50shadesofnay · 18/12/2024 17:59

I don't think the other mum did anything wrong. If my DC said that another child was threatening them of course I would bring it up with that child's mum and try to get tot he bottom of things.

Original poster

HelloUniverse · 18/12/2024 17:54

CandiedPrincess · 18/12/2024 17:42

Because as a parent your instinct is to defend your own child.

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Well that’s obvious. I did the same thing.

Usually I always tell my DD to go and apologise for whatever has happened as it’s not worth the hassle and just be the bigger person etc… But this time it got to me as this is very out of character for my DD. Her school report came out yesterday, and to quote from it “Moreover, dd’s kindness
and caring nature significantly enhance the school atmosphere, making her a valued member of her community.”

Even her form teacher would have been shocked to hear what my dd had been accused of.

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DemonicCaveMaggot · 18/12/2024 17:49

In your shoes I would point out to your DD that her friend's 'exaggerations' could get your DD into a lot of trouble and that good friends don't act like that. I wouldn't be encouraging the friendship either - I don't like sneaky liars who get people into trouble for their own amusement.

Her mother is illogical and silly and I wouldn't bother talking to her about anything.

Original poster

HelloUniverse · 18/12/2024 17:45

Okay so the consensus seems to be that my dd did say she would start rumours, and showed threatening behaviour. Would you want your DD to continue to be friends with my DD?

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OhFredisFat · 18/12/2024 17:43

I would speak to her, face to face. Tell her how shocked you and your DD were. Tell her as well that while you understand there may well have been some kind of miscommunication her end (i.e. she got the wrong end of things) you absolutely don't expect to receive texts like that from her again.

CandiedPrincess · 18/12/2024 17:42

HelloUniverse · 18/12/2024 17:38

True, my daughter also can’t argue against it as she also didn't have evidence, so why wouldn’t the mum wait to see what actually happened?

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Because as a parent your instinct is to defend your own child.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 18/12/2024 17:40

HelloUniverse · 18/12/2024 17:27

It’s possible. If I was the other mother, I would have at least waited for the rumours to be circulated and go in with some evidence, then the teachers could question the children. There is nothing to go on at this stage except her dd’s opinion and my dd’s opinion. It’s all hearsay!

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She's already been hurt by rumours if she waits - and that sort of nonsense sticks even when teachers say to stop it.

YabbaDabbaDooooo · 18/12/2024 17:39

Well as you said yourself, there's no smoke without fire.

It's entirely possible she's right to believe her DD and that once your DD knew she was rumbled, it put a stop to it and they started playing together like normal.

The truth is you'll never get to the bottom of it so no, I wouldn't be annoyed at a mother trusting her own daughter.

You clearly trust yours, apart from when you said 'there's no smoke without fire'.

Original poster

HelloUniverse · 18/12/2024 17:38

GabrielOakRose · 18/12/2024 17:36

What evidence could she have? It's not like the girl could film it

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True, my daughter also can’t argue against it as she also didn't have evidence, so why wouldn’t the mum wait to see what actually happened?

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Original poster

HelloUniverse · 18/12/2024 17:37

GabrielOakRose · 18/12/2024 17:34

The daughter was the witness. She experienced it.

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Sure, so was my daughter and her experience was different.

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GabrielOakRose · 18/12/2024 17:36

HelloUniverse · 18/12/2024 17:27

It’s possible. If I was the other mother, I would have at least waited for the rumours to be circulated and go in with some evidence, then the teachers could question the children. There is nothing to go on at this stage except her dd’s opinion and my dd’s opinion. It’s all hearsay!

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What evidence could she have? It's not like the girl could film it

GabrielOakRose · 18/12/2024 17:34

HelloUniverse · 18/12/2024 17:21

There are no witnesses, they are even in different classes.

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The daughter was the witness. She experienced it.

Original poster

HelloUniverse · 18/12/2024 17:34

Hercisback1 · 18/12/2024 17:30

You're both making a mountain of a molehill.

I know, and I’m always the bigger person and letting things go, but this has really got to me, as I mentioned due to the history. So this time I’m actually telling the mother our DD’s shouldn’t be playing together, my daughter is a threat to her so that’s that. My husband thinks she’s a knob and I’ve bent over backwards in the past, but this time it’s really got me, you can’t accuse someone with no evidence then act everything is normal the day after.

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Hercisback1 · 18/12/2024 17:30

You're both making a mountain of a molehill.

Original poster

HelloUniverse · 18/12/2024 17:30

There is some history with this other girl who often exaggerates the truth, and her mother believes every single word! But I didn’t want to mention it first as I didn’t want to cloud people’s judgement. I wanted to know if you take the history away, does her actions seem rational?

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Original poster

HelloUniverse · 18/12/2024 17:27

GabrielOakRose · 18/12/2024 17:19

Maybe your dd was nicer to her as she was called out on her mean girl behaviour?

It’s possible. If I was the other mother, I would have at least waited for the rumours to be circulated and go in with some evidence, then the teachers could question the children. There is nothing to go on at this stage except her dd’s opinion and my dd’s opinion. It’s all hearsay!

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