Annoyed at another school mum for overly trusting her daughter

@HelloUniverse someone has to be a grown up at the end of the day!

If she has an issue with how your daughter is behaving at school she should talk to the school. I hate this sort of thing. Of course nothing wrong with talking to your daughter about behaviour expectations and giving her opportunity to own up but also don't see why you should believe the other girl over your own child. There are kids who make stuff up and their parents are often the ones to start texting and making a big thing of it, there are a lot of kids who get attention and validation by doing this as parents obsess over other kids behaviour.

Children that age only see things from their own perspective, particularly social interactions. So one DC means to say "if you cheat at the game then I'm going to tell everyone" and the other person hears "I'm going to tell everyone youre a cheat" which quickly becomes "do what I say or I'll spread rumours about you" in the retelling.

My friends child was accused of some very petty but mean behaviour by a classmate at about that age, parent felt school hadn't done enough so contacted parent direct. It turned out to have been a quarrel over a pencil and 6 of one half a dozen of the other.

I'm replying to your question from the point of view you used - saying if it were true - but the same applies if it isn't.

I'd want all of the snippy, typical ten year snarking at one another, gossiping and 'I'm going to tell everybody and then they won't like you' behaviour to stop and for them to get along instead of sparking off a bunch of pre-teen drama, whoever is actually telling the truth.

Unfortunately, it is a pretty normal phenomenon with 9-10 year old girls from years of working in schools and volunteering with Brownies. The same girls who were all lovely to one another in Year 4 suddenly sit down for craft activities and start with the gossip and 'She said' comments by November of Year 5. I always jumped on them sharpish to put a stop to it in my presence, but it happened pretty much every year with every group that reached the same age.

One of mine was on the receiving end of it, the other wasn't - but she was always happier hanging around and being a wally, falling out of trees and doing stupid stuff with the two boys she'd grown up around instead. And she was diagnosed AuDHD, so didn't really have the attention span to notice or interest in their opinions to care if they were sitting around bitching about her anyhow.

Feeling threatened is a feeling.

BEING threatened is an action.

You've been defensive to every poster who doesn’t agree with you. Which just strengthens my suspicions on whose child is telling the truth.

I will likely be flamed for this, but it’s not uncommon for the child claiming they’re being bullied to actually be the bully. You only have to look at some of the posts on here, from adults who were bullied themselves where they were the ones being accused, to parents of children who have been bullied who have gone through similar.

My DS was friends with a kid in early primary whose mother was constantly saying that he was being bullied, that all the kids picked on him, that he was a victim, except it was the other way around. He was horrible. Would openly pick on smaller kids and his mother would just say that it’s his venting his frustrations, but it really wasn’t.

We moved away when DS was in y3 so didn’t keep up with them, but some years later another mum friend told me that when he was 16 he’d told everyone he had cancer and had a year to live, and then he started a collection so that he could do things he wanted to before he died. Except it was all lies.

Don’t get me wrong bullying is horrible and if another parent had approached me about my child I would bloody well want to know what that was about.

But I do think that sometimes it’s not all that black and white.

But yes, if this girl had been making unfounded allegations about your DD I would tell the mother that you would no longer be allowing the friendship, who spare her DD obviously. We’d soon see how that panned out.

No it doesn’t. Being threatened is a fact. It’s nothing to do with how it makes you feel. Someone saying “if you don’t do this, I going to tell everyone xx” doesn’t automatically mean the persons going to feel anxious about it. They may just think the other person is being unkind.

Youre being defensive.

Grow up. She raised an issue, via one text. Are you always so defensive?

Hmm… my money would be on your DD playing the hot and cold game.

Open your eyes and treat it as an opportunity to talk to DD about how to treat friends. Even if it’s false, it doesn’t hurt to reinforce good values. Turning a blind eye doesn’t help anyone (in the long run, bullies don’t tend to fair well).

My son was accused of bullying by his bully last year. His ex-best friend. She would call him the most horrible names and when he told her to go away, she'd make herself cry and go and tell teachers he had said mean things to her. I believed my kid because I'd witnessed her doing things like this when they were friends. Putting him down constantly and then crying when he stood up for himself even a tiny bit instead of falling over himself to win her over. The mum fell out with me over it and behaved like a playground bully herself. It was a really shit time for him.
So yes, kids absolutely can and do make up stuff like this. You know your kid, you probably know her "friend" pretty well too by now. If you're sure your child didn't do it, keep having their back.

Annoyed at another school mum for overly trusting her daughter

I asked my daughter and she denied it, and was a bit shocked her friend had said this about her.

So you automatically believe your DD just as much as she believed hers... theres zero proof your DD didn't threaten to spread a rumor other than you believe her. So you are literally doing the exact same thing.

Young kids fall out one minute and can be friends again the next over nothing and they often say stupid things while doing so.

Stop making accusations based on worst than 3rd hand information. You were not there and you know nothing. Kids make things up all the time. At this stage it’s equal odds that either child is in the wrong.

What exactly was she supposed to have done?

Have you spoken to her teacher?