Annoyed at another school mum for overly trusting her daughter

I'm a primary teacher (Not in UK) I do not copy and paste from a bank of comments when writing reports. However in non core subjects most of the children in my class are very similar, so it's quite hard to write the same thing multiple times in different ways. The general teacher comments are harder to write because it is more personal and has to be worded as positively as possible and I would personally never say anything like 'your child is an angel'. No kids are 'angels', my own 3 included. Children often behave very differently in school than they do at home x

A little later to the party, but I would 100% keep that date, then I would watch them like a hawk (without them realising - if that's possible).Then if your DD is in the wrong, you can educate her and discipline her if necessary. If its the other girl, you can be sure to provide her mother with a full report.

Just use that line everyone lovesssss "i thought you'd want to know"

You would presumably believe your child if she said a friend had done something mean.

But the way the mum describes it doesn't really explain exactly what happened. Is she saying your child actually said 'I am going to spread rumours about you'? Or was it more, 'I'm going to tell others what you did'?

Either way the mum was trying to be supportive presumably to her kid. But can see it's probably not a massive deal as they are still friends.

She sounds a bit full on and if the daughter is being nasty or accusing her, then you should tell your kid to stop playing with her.

Since you didn't add a poll, did you actually go through and count up results?

Apologies for posting though, I must have missed you declaring an end to the thread earlier, because that is definitely how the internet works.

What do you mean by "years of tip toeing around and being the bigger person"?

That sort of implies that there's a long history of mild bickering between these girls. That's not to say that your daughter isn't a nice girl, but she's not necessarily a perfect beacon of kindness and caring either. Which is fine and normal.

And FYI, it's not necessarily a great tactic to "be the bigger person". For starters, it's a sort of implied moral superiority that stops you wondering if the other person actually has a point. That could get people's backs up. And it also shirks actually tackling the issue head on and talking it through.

Teenage girls are horrendous!
everyone nods

But not my DD!

It's always someone else's daughter...

I’m shocked at the schools response. That’s appalling. They absolutely can (and should) be involved in a safeguarding issue like that.

There are usually 3 sides to every story.

That's exactly what my the school report would have said for my school bully! Despite what TV shows portray it isn't usually children who are horrible, nasty and disruptive in class that are the bullies they're usually quiet kind to everyone else.

Are you honestly saying that if your daughter came to you upset that someone was threatening to tell everyone a rumour about her - you wouldn't do everything in your power to stop it? Are you honestly saying your response to your daughter would essentially be "sorry not my problem I can't do anything about that"

Even the threat can be devastating for a child!

Aren't you doing exactly the same though? Believing your daughter is telling the truth without any evidence to either prove or disprove it?
I think YABVVU!

@Upupandaway10 yes she did call the school who firmly told her to stop being ridiculous. But she still tried to get them to speak to us and DS about his behaviour even though it wasn't him who had done this thing.

Her son is now a young adult and has nothing to do with his family any more which is sad but I can imagine how hard living with her must have been

You both sound less mature than your children you both don't know,what happened and you can 'yeah but what about this' all you want you weren't there i presume? And no neither was she but she is not one on here wanting us to tell you your daughter is innocent

It all sounds like Hollyoaks

We had an incident with a stepmother, who came to our house when dd was 11 (end of year 7) and ranted at me in a high-pitched squeal for 7/8 minutes without me being able to get a word in edgeways. Then turned on her heel and left. She was upset that my dd had introduced her dsd a porn grooming site, which has since been removed from the internet, that her dsd had subsequently shown to a 7 yo niece. Except my dd hadn’t introduced it to her dd. My dd there at the time but she thought it was disgusting. Otoh, the dsd was intrigued. (No blame is apportioned to this as at 11 I get she was just curious without understanding the implications.) It was a mutual friend, who had shared it… and another friend of my dd and that friend, who had shown it to her etc etc - as is the case with such things. I never outed that friend as I wasn’t going to send batshit woman to their door.

I had another visit from the batshit woman last year. Similar tone of voice etc. I said something she didn’t like, which escalated the situation. She left slamming the door so hard that it flew open again. Then the texts started. I replied once with a firm boundary and she flew off the handle, telling me I was 50% to blame for my dd having anorexia.

Unsurprisingly her dsd (girls both now 16) is not terribly emotionally stable. My dd put up with her mood swings for a long time. They’d been friends for 12 years. It blew up this year. Nothing dd did. Actually the dsd hounded one of dd’s friends, calling the friend nasty names. That friend ended up telling the dsd that my dd had said horrible things to her about this girl (all untrue as dd said she hadn’t, the friend just made it up). At the time my dd was incredibly ill with anorexia and it wouldn’t have entered her head to say such things, she was barely functioning. This completely blew up the friendship and the dsd sent my dd the most vile message I’ve ever read in my life. Such venom from a 16 year old is unreal. The text started by telling my dd (who had lost almost 30% of her body weight) to starve herself again as she is putting on weight. Suffice to say, they are no longer friends.

You have put up a good boundary for your dd. I learned very early on that any incidents, which happen at school should be addressed through the school to prevent upsets between adults. The children have often made up before the parents even fall out. And I learned from the interactions with this woman (who I was loosely friends with and forgave the first incident), that when people tell you who they are the first time, you should believe them.

The other mother may have thought that by warning you she could stop the 'threatening behaviour' from your DD and, from her point of view, it worked. You believe your DD was never planning any misbehaviour but if the situation was reversed would you have actually sent your child to school, expecting them to be bullied, to get evidence? If your DD is as well-behaved and well-regarded as you claim then she is probably able to manage her friendships quite successfully. I think you, like the other parent, should step back and let the girls be friends or not, as they choose. You haven't any evidence of wrongdoing from the other girl at the moment, and I think teachers would prefer less petty drama to deal with.

Who knows what actually happened. They are 10. It was probably a tiny squabble, they both would have said something like I’m not playing with you anymore and your DD has forgotten about, while the friend went home and told her mum. And now the mum has blown it out of proportion.
I wouldn’t have anything to do with that family again. I wouldn’t feel like my child was safe around the mum. I would request different classes, but if they play together that’s fine. But absolutely no play dates.

What! She phoned the school and said your son was a pervert!

I was asking if you are sure of your statement that the form teacher would be shocked.
You seem very sure for someone who now says they've not had to deal with teachers.
So how can you be sure they would be shocked?